got jokes???

[kickboxerboy]

lol!!

 

from me myslef and iren!!

 

No Bi***s after elevan

[kicker]

lol thats a good one too!!

[Kickbutt]

You guys have completely lost me...

[kicker]

i guess you haven`t seen that movie or movies!!

[GoldDragon]

lol

 

awwwwwwwwwwwww

 

 

 

((((((((KICKBUTT))))))))

 

feel better?

 

How about this one:

 

When Jim Carrey talks funny when hes trying to say "BlackMail "and he begins to squeal and make those funny noises..lol

 

 

[kicker]

haven`t heard that one gold!!

 

so kickbutt have you ever seen a jim carry movie like ( the cable guy ,liar liar, me myself and iren, ace venture pet detective ...ect)???

[GoldDragon]

kicker--its from LIAR LAIR

 

 

[kicker]

It is??

 

this may sound dumb but i am dumb!! j/k lol

 

[ This Message was edited by: kicker on 2001-10-15 18:31 ]

[KickChick]

Okay...what would you expect from one of the Health & Fitness moderators????This came in my email this morning....don't take it seriously now!!!

 

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

 

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything

 

wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live

 

longer.

 

That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it

 

faster.

 

Want to live longer? Take a nap.

 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

 

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and

 

corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an

 

efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?

 

Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy

 

vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily

 

allowance of vegetable slop.

 

 

 

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

 

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we

 

all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories:

 

animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not

 

animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only

 

leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy

 

your liquid vegetables.

 

 

 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

 

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to

 

one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

 

 

 

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench

 

press. What did he mean?

 

A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up

 

your! shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you

 

find

 

that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to

 

reevaluate your exercise program.

 

 

 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise

 

program?

 

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - No

 

Pain.

 

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

 

A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If

 

you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

 

 

 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

 

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In

 

fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad

 

for you?

 

 

 

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

 

A: Thicker gravy.

 

 

 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

 

middle?

 

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should

 

only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

 

 

 

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about

 

trying to live a longer and healthier life.

 

REMEMBER THIS IS JUST A JOKE!!!!!

 

 

[GoldDragon]

 

 

There's these three guys and they're out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.

 

Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says, "Ok, if you can really grant wishes, than double my I.Q."

 

The mermaid says, "Done."

 

Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analysing it with extreme insight.

 

The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, "Triple my I.Q."

 

The mermaid says, "Done."

 

The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping all the scientists of varying fields: physics, chemistry, etc.

 

The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, that he says to the mermaid, "Quintiple my I.Q."

 

The mermaid looks at him and says, "You know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider."

 

The guy says, "Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five, and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."

 

"Please," says the mermaid. "You don't know what you're asking...it'll change your entire view on the universe...won't you ask for something else...a million dollars, anything?"

 

But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times it's usual power.

 

So the mermaid sighed and said, "Done."

 

And he became a woman.