got jokes???

[Kung Fu Hamster]

Hahaha!

 

(no offense to women) Q.How many men does it take to screw a lightbulb?

 

A. None. The women can cook in the dark..

 

(once again no offense to women... Want to keep my reputation up high you see)

[SaiFightsMS]

THE SOLID GOLD URINAL

 

Before the inauguration, George Bush was invited to a

 

get-acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses

 

of iced tea, he asked permission to use Bill Clinton's personal

 

bathroom. Of course, Bill said "okay." Well, when George walked in, he

 

was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal.

 

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.

 

"Just think," he said, "when I'm President, I'll get to have my

 

very own gold urinal!"

 

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the

 

White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with

 

his discovery of the President's gold urinal in his private

 

bathroom.

 

That evening, as Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed,

 

she turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your

 

saxophone."

[HachiKyu]

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? (two answers.)

 

1) unknown its never been done or

 

2) One to hold the diest pepsi the other to call daddy.

 

heh hehehehehe

[SaiFightsMS]

Horses' rump and the Queen

 

President Bush was to represent the United States of America on a highly

 

formal, orchestrated "state visit" to Great Britain. Air Force One stopped

 

at a bright red carpet along which the President strode to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses.

 

The coach proceeded through the streets en route to Buckingham Palace,

 

the President and the Queen alternating between exchanging pleasantries and

 

waving each out their respective windows to the cheering throngs.

 

At one point, the right rear horse produced a thunderous, cataclysmic fart that reverberated through the air and rattled the doors of the coach. Presidents and Queens are, first and foremost, human beings. Their first reaction was to focus their attentions outside their respective windows, and behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened. The Queen, steeped in decades of experience living with the mundane and bazaar together, was the first to realize that ignoring what had happened was ridiculous.

 

"Mr. President, please accept my regrets - - - I'm sure you understand that

 

there are some things that even a Queen cannot control." "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought; why, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses."

[Sepultura]

Subject:The Pig

 

Saddam Hussein and his chauffeur were rolling down the highway when

 

suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road. They killed it instantly.

 

Saddam tells his driver: "Go to da farm over dere and hexplain to da honer

 

of da

 

pig what appened."

 

One hour later, Saddam sees his driver coming back from the farm, his

 

clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the

 

other.

 

"What appen to you?" He asks. "Well, the farmer gave me a bottle of wine,

 

his wife, the cigar and their 19 year old daughter made wild passionate

 

love to me."

 

"My God! What did you tell dem?" asked President Hussein.

 

The driver answered: "Good evening, I am Saddam Hussein's chauffeur and

 

I have just killed the pig."

[karate_woman]

70-year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with God?" George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I'm done *poof* the light goes off." "Wow!" commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. Ethel, he said, "George is doing fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom, and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off?" Ethel exclaimed, "Oh, no! He's peeing in the refrigerator again.

[Bruce lee kid14]

ok my turn......i think....uhhhh...O ya here

Yo moma so fat, she fell in love and broke it

this 1's sort of a martial arts joke its only funny if ur smart enough to get it and if u have a good sense of humor.

yo moma so tall, when she does backflips, she dropkicked jesus.

[CompactDinnerFork]

Your Momma Is sooo fat gravity gave up on her and she STILL touchs the floor!!

-Lukey!