got jokes???

[kicker]

Memo from a Blonde Y2K Programmer:

 

I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions, because to be perfectly honest, none of the panic surrounding this "Y" to "K" date problem makes any sense to me. My assignment has been completed on time, and way under budget.

 

At any rate, I have finished converting the source code in all the company's programs so they are ready for Year 2000. The following months have been corrected:

 

Januark

 

Februark

 

Mak

 

Julk

 

The following days have also been corrected:

 

Mondak

 

Tuesdak

 

Wednesdak

 

Thursdak

 

Fridak

 

Saturdak

 

Sundak

 

Years were a breeze, since they are only spelled out in the Legal department's applications, and won't be affected until Two Thousand and Twentk.

 

 

[kickboxerboy]

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly, a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.

 

The first blonde asks to be intelligent. So, instantly, the fairy turns her into brunette, and she then swims off the island.

 

The next blonde asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly, the fairy turns her into redhead. The redhead builds a boat and sails off the island.

 

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. So, the fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

 

:brow: :lol:

[kicker]

A blonde was driving her car and got lost in a freak snow storm. She remembered what her father had once told her, "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and then follow it."

 

A short while later, a snow plow came by, and so the blonde began following it. She followed the plow for over an hour before the driver pulled over and approached her.

 

"Just what the heck do you think you're doing?" asked the driver.

 

"I'm lost and my father told me if I ever got stuck in a snow storm, I should wait for a snow plow and then follow it."

 

The driver nodded and remarked, "Well, fine by me... I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, so why don't you follow me over to the K-Mart parking lot!"

 

 

[SaiFightsMS]

How many mice does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Mice don't change light bulbs. They are to large and cumbersome to handle and it is much safer to pilfer food in the dark.

 

 

[kicker]

80,000 blondes meet at the Wembley Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention.

 

The master of ceremonies says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

 

One blonde steps up, so the master of ceremonies asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

 

After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Eighteen."

 

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

 

The master of ceremonies says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you here and the World Wide Press, I guess we can give her another chance." So, asks her, "What is 5 plus 5?"

 

After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Ninety."

 

The master of ceremonies sighs. Everyone is crestfallen and the blonde starts crying. Again, the 80,000 girls start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

 

Unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, the master of ceremonies finally says, "Okay! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?"

 

After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Four."

 

The stadium of 80,000 blondes start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

 

 

[SaiFightsMS]

THE CLASS OF 2005

 

Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today, this will certainly

 

change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts

 

together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of the mindset of this

 

year's incoming freshman.

 

Here is this year's list:

 

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in

 

1983.

 

They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not

 

know he had ever been shot.

 

They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.

 

There has been only one Pope in their lifetime.

 

They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold

 

War.

 

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

 

Tianamen Square means nothing to them.

 

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

 

Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.

 

The expression "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.

 

They have never owned a record player.

 

They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.

 

They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact Disc was introduced

 

when they were 1 year old.

 

They have always had an answering machine.

 

Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a

 

black and white TV.

 

They have always had cable.

 

There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA was.

 

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

 

They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is, or know about the "Help me,

 

I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.

 

Feeling old Yet? There's more:

 

They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.

 

Roller skating has always meant inline for them.

 

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

 

They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.

 

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

 

They have never seen Larry Bird play.

 

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

 

The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII and the Civil

 

War.

 

They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.

 

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

 

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. (The correct answer, by

 

the way, is Ork.)

 

They never heard: "Where's the beef?" "I'd walk a mile for a Camel," or "De

 

plane, de plane!"

 

They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.

 

Michael Jackson has always been white.

 

Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not bands...

 

There has always been MTV.

 

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

 

 

 

Do you feel old yet? If you do, then pass this on to some other old

 

fogies...but don't send it back to me, I feel old enough.

 

 

[dreamer38f]

Sai,

 

Considering I got the big 40 coming in March, that stuff sure brings back some memories...lol

 

Here is another item to add to the list...in the chat rooms 1975 and later after the screen name...lol...youngins

[kicker]

A phone company put an ad in the paper in order to recruit workers. The next day, two groups of workers show up - a crew of five men and a crew of five blonde women.

 

The company can not decide who to give the job to, so they give the two groups a test. The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that must be installed into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first will get the job."

 

Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back. A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the male crew returns. "Yes!" they shout. "We came back first, so we get the job!"

 

"Good work, men," applauds the boss. "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic or the truck breaking down."

 

"Fine, no problem," say the men. An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours. Finally, at 8:30, the blonde crew arrives. All the group is flushed and breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labor.

 

"What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.

 

"What do you mean, 'What took so long?' Do we get the job?"

 

"YOU get the job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!"

 

"Well, of course they were," reason the blondes. "They only put the pole in halfway!"

 

 

[username237]

a blonde was sat in the hairdressors waiting to have her hair cut. The hairdresser got her scissors out and noticed that the blonde had headphones in. She questioned her and she replied, whatever you do just dont cut the wire! The hairdresser nods to the blonde and begins cutting her hair. 5mins into the cut the hairdresser slips and cuts the wire. The blonde drops to the floor and dies. Confused and extremely freaked out the hairdresser phones the ambulance.When it shows up the medic asks the hairdressor what happened ," i dont know,she just dropped dead after i cut her headphone wire" she said.Everyone was really puzzled by it and they carried the blonde womans body away.The medic picked up the blondes tape player, took out the tape and asked the hairdresser if she had a spare.He placed the tape in the spare player, pressed play and it said...

 

"breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out..." :dead: :dead:

 

geddit?

[kicker]

joke-

 

A young man wants to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decides to buy her a cell phone.

 

When his wife unwraps the gift, he sits next to here and explains all the features on the phone.

 

The next day, the blonde goes to the beauty salon. While she is getting her hair done, the cell phone rings and it's her husband.

 

"Hi honey," he says, "What do you think of your new phone?"

 

"Oh, I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell."

 

"Well, I'm glad you like it," he says.

 

There's a moment of silence, and then she continues, "But, there's one thing I don't understand -- how did you know I was at the beauty parlor?"