Earned or given

[IcemanSK]

I certainly struggle with the idea of whether or not respect is earned or given. It's a very Western question. Koreans, however, do not have such a struggle. In Korean culture, respect is given, rather than earned. Status (of any stripe, in any context) means that person is given respect. Western culture, especially in the USA, is very much as "show me you deserve it and then MAYBE I will respect you" culture. Balancing those 2 sharp contrasts is very difficult.

I have to earn my young students' respect in order to teach them that maybe, just maybe, that "little old lady" that they might have ignored might have some wisdom that might be helpful to them, or that the janitor in their school has great value in the world (as great as any sports hero). I would have failed in my job if my students treated me well & call me "sir" but treat their school's janitor as if he didn't exist.

[jaypo]

I think it's a 75-25 mix. I've been thanked by parents moreso than the students for my help with their kids. But in little things they do or say, you can see that you've earned their respect. 2 weekends ago, we held a test. There were 2 brothers and one cousin from Honduras. They're all very talented, but a bit "loose" in the dojo. They play a lot, and I don't think they're respect level for the dojo is where it should be. So I had a big talk with all 3 of them, and I drilled into them the meaning of rank and respect. In the test, and in the subsequent training sessions, they all were very respectful, listened without hesitation, and basically did a 180. That shows me something. They also all 3 requested to do their kumite portion of their test with only me. That made me feel warm and fuzzy!

I am of the opinion that respect should be given to everybody, but they should give it back as well. I don't think it needs to be "earned", but I believe that it can be taken back as quickly as I give it.