At what point do you have to say man up?

[sensei8]

"Man up" whenever things get rough/hard. But to do that, the balancing act commences...to take others, as well as yours, feelings in consideration. To be honest with all concerned can be easy or tricky, that's dependent on the individual.

Not all kids have that luxury because parents tell them how to feel, and that's usually a reflection of what the parent feels...Was the parent wronged in their past? Did the parent ever have a positive mentor? The parables, as well as the variables, will not be the same.

There have been some solid posts, many that can offer quite a wide parameter of help for the OP. Hopefully, mine is in concert with them and that what I offer is solid, as well.

Hang in there!!

[AdamKralic]

I wanted to give a happy ending to the story...and tonight I can. They fought tonight...all went well...she talked with my son in a general friendly way. Learned a bit more about him...it would've been nice if he asked about her but he isn't exactly an extrovert...and he is 13 so. Anyways...

He also got to fight others and was able to go harder against them.

And yes Zach is training to be a fighter. Fighting in and of itself is a endless well of life lessons to be drunk. He does kata, he does bo and sword...not half badly either...but fighting is what he excels at.

[Archimoto]

I wanted to give a happy ending to the story...and tonight I can. They fought tonight...all went well...she talked with my son in a general friendly way. Learned a bit more about him...it would've been nice if he asked about her but he isn't exactly an extrovert...and he is 13 so. Anyways...

He also got to fight others and was able to go harder against them.

And yes Zach is training to be a fighter. Fighting in and of itself is a endless well of life lessons to be drunk. He does kata, he does bo and sword...not half badly either...but fighting is what he excels at.

Great to hear !!!

[sensei8]

I wanted to give a happy ending to the story...and tonight I can. They fought tonight...all went well...she talked with my son in a general friendly way. Learned a bit more about him...it would've been nice if he asked about her but he isn't exactly an extrovert...and he is 13 so. Anyways...

He also got to fight others and was able to go harder against them.

And yes Zach is training to be a fighter. Fighting in and of itself is a endless well of life lessons to be drunk. He does kata, he does bo and sword...not half badly either...but fighting is what he excels at.

Great to hear !!!

Yes, great to hear!!

[kinetickick]

Always consult the instructor first. A good rule of thumb is- your partner controls the level of contact. If they ask for less contact, it is better to comply.

[sensei8]

Always consult the instructor first. A good rule of thumb is- your partner controls the level of contact. If they ask for less contact, it is better to comply.

Solid post!! And if one can't comply, it's best to get off the floor until one can.

[Melau]

Thinking about this scene, I believe both parties have somehing to learn here.

For one, I cannot imagine being so disrespectfull as to do a public scolding of one of your fellow students. If you have problems with how somebody behaves, trains, smells, etc., you try to talk to them respectfully so that your problems are understood. If this does not work, and the behaviour persists, you go to the sensei and try to work it out through that path. Not a public scolding though.

On the other hand, respect works both ways. If you are stronger, more energetic, tougher, etc. than you training buddy, make the exercise difficult for him / her. Not impossible. Try to adjust your level so that both parties can learn. She obviously finds the punching too hard (for whatever reasons), it is the responsibility of the opposide side to adjust.

Nevertheless, I've had inexperienced individuals go all out on me thinking that because of my physique (smaller / lighter than average) they could, even after being told to calm down. One way to cope with this is going all out once yourself, showing that you damn well know what you are doing. Luckely, this hasn't happened often, plus you gain way more by just being respectfull of each others' limits.

[sensei8]

First impressions are also the last impressions; both can be lasting.

How an instructor is perceived by their student body and visitors, no matter how positive it was before drawing negative attention to current events, that new perception is what they'll be remembered for. What was favorable, is now tarnished!!

It takes just one event to lose ones student body!!