Teacher-student relationship situation

[n4tive]

My current teacher (Sensei) has been very honest and straightforward with me ever since we met (met him on a seminar in Oklahoma) I'm his only student (he accepted me) at the moment, and through time we have developed this kind of teacher-student relationship, like family or best friends (in the dojo we keep it very formal). The thing is, he's been having a plethora of family and personal issues, his situation has only worstened due to lack of income.

He has become a distant a times, sometimes suspending classes due to him not feeling emotionally well (he does makes up for a single 3 or 4 hour class) I know I'm being selfish fearing that he might close the dojo, as I do not want to learn from anybody else. But I also worry about him. I have offered him advice, but I'm sure he has heard it all. I've been trying to help him any way I can (even monetary) but his situation only gets worst and worst. I do not know what else to do. What this happed to you? to your teacher? what do you guys think?

And now, a little background on my teacher. Hes been studying MA since a very young age (he is now close to 50) he is a member of several prestigious okinawan karate organizations, traveled to okinawa on several occasions (showed me documented proof) Hes a very modest and humble man, in fact, he charges me less than 30 dollars a month (even with is economic situation) He can be a little bit controvertial often disliking modern or sport karate, but he is VERY knowledgeable. And is well known in the local area.

Not sure if this is the correct place to post it.

[Nabil Kazama]

Very interesting, your relationship with your Sensei almost mirrors mine. I know that feeling of helplessness where you want to help him out, but you can only do so much. You see, I have private training with my Sensei and that keeps him afloat.

But like your Sensei, he does have to pay the bills but I know he'll never close his dojo because afterall it wouldn't be fair on the rest of us who train.

[cheesefrysamurai]

Lots of facets to the problem.

For one thing, 30 a month is virtually free. Wouldn't cover my gas. If you can afford it, at least temporarily increase your dues by, let's say 100.

Work to get him more students. I think a full dojo might go a long way towards helping him emotionally and financially.

There's limits to what a loyal student can do, to what a good friend can do, or what a family member can do.

Help him turn his quality instruction into a business, a machine of sorts.

If you were well to do, pony up some partnership money, or prepay a years dues at a reasonable rate.

Please keep us apprised

[n4tive]

Lots of facets to the problem.

For one thing, 30 a month is virtually free. Wouldn't cover my gas. If you can afford it, at least temporarily increase your dues by, let's say 100.

Work to get him more students. I think a full dojo might go a long way towards helping him emotionally and financially.

There's limits to what a loyal student can do, to what a good friend can do, or what a family member can do.

Help him turn his quality instruction into a business, a machine of sorts.

If you were well to do, pony up some partnership money, or prepay a years dues at a reasonable rate.

Please keep us apprised

Hai, been doing exactly just that. Helping him any way I can, from promoting the dojo to getting some of his papers published. I have paid my dues months (normally twice the amount - although sometimes he refuses) in advance, as well as gifting him with several household items that he could either use or sell.

But then problems hit, and he is back again at the bottom. I myself do not have much, but what I do have I do not mind sharing it with good people.

I thought about the bussiness suggestion, but he does not believe in "commercializing" Karate, he has given Karate lessons for free for many years only rescently forced to charge a small amout due to his economic situation.

Thats why I admire my teacher.

Sometimes (very seldom) the only thing he can offer me is to study Karate history and philosophy through chat or email because of him feeling emotionally drained.

I'm going to keep trying to publish his papers

Promoting the dojo and finding quality students (he usually spend some time with them to determane how serious are they to train, if not he very politely sends them to another dojo).

Help him any way I can.

I understand we are all human beigns, times had changed, not neceserally for the better. Life nowadays is so complex and full of stressfull situations, that we get easily caught in its web. I do get dissapointed, but I'm sure it will pay off eventually.

[sensei8]

If he's the one you want to learn the MA from, then do what's necessary to learn from him. If he's not consistently on the floor to teach you, practice what he's taught you until he's more able to be on the floor.

Is that frustrating? Sure, but it's minor to be taught by him!! Sure, you both should meet in the middle, but then again, you should meet him all the way. Now, if he finally walks away due to personal issue's, then seeking out another instructor might be a last resort.

Good luck, train hard, hang in there, and if there's an ear to hear, we're hear for you.

[n4tive]

So... as I feared. The dojo closed.

Its been almost three months since.

Being his only student, I felt extremely dissapointed, fustrated, and even guilty. He gave no prior notice, not a call, not a message, just a note on the dojo door.

I called, no answer, I sent emails, no answer. throughout those days I felt as if maybe its was my fault, maybe I wasn't "cutting it" maybe I wasn't up to his standards, I feld pretty bad... until he finally replied.

I felt relieved (did worry about his health), but at the same time quite angry, being his only student the least he could have done (out of respect and consideration) was to talk to me, letting me know he was going to "retire" for awhile.

Now, I'm having second thoughts about returning (reopened the dojo) He did finally found a job, seems quite content, but this could happen again, and I don't think I could handle another dissapointment.

A good friend of mine introduced me to another martial art, and I'm quite interested, but the problem is the enrollment fee is quite expensive besided the fact that is a commercial location and I'm a bit cautious when it comes to "commercial martial arts."

I'm a bit confused, what would you guys do if you where in my place?

Thanks for the help, and sorry for posting kind "personal" issues on the boards. But I couldn't find a better place.

[AdamKralic]

It is a tough situation as the martial arts instills loyalty...or at least the people that do the martial arts want to be loyal.

What to do when your loyalty doesn't "buy" you well anything?

Tough call.

As far as personal business goes...anything that involves you n your family is by it's very nature personal. There are conversations similar to this in high end ping pong clubs I am certain. Point being: You have a choice to make. Whatever we say...it's going to still be your call.

I too have a similar call to make shortly. Different circumstances...different "players" but a very similar call all the same. What's worse for me is that I'm making the call for my son...twice as much worry that I will get it wrong. If I bork something that is 100% on me...well wouldn't be the first or last time that has/will happen...but for my son? Eeek.

Loyalty plays heavily in my call as well. I honestly do not know the right call. I am going to have a sit down with someone who may be able to help...may not be able to. But at least I feel that talking COULD help. You know?

I too would be VERY upset that I got no notice of the dojo closing fyi. (for what it is worth)

[n4tive]

It is a tough situation as the martial arts instills loyalty...or at least the people that do the martial arts want to be loyal.

What to do when your loyalty doesn't "buy" you well anything?

Tough call.

As far as personal business goes...anything that involves you n your family is by it's very nature personal. There are conversations similar to this in high end ping pong clubs I am certain. Point being: You have a choice to make. Whatever we say...it's going to still be your call.

I too have a similar call to make shortly. Different circumstances...different "players" but a very similar call all the same. What's worse for me is that I'm making the call for my son...twice as much worry that I will get it wrong. If I bork something that is 100% on me...well wouldn't be the first or last time that has/will happen...but for my son? Eeek.

Loyalty plays heavily in my call as well. I honestly do not know the right call. I am going to have a sit down with someone who may be able to help...may not be able to. But at least I feel that talking COULD help. You know?

I too would be VERY upset that I got no notice of the dojo closing fyi. (for what it is worth)

Loyalty is something that I've always believed in.

This is why it is so difficult for me.

I gave it my all, helping him in any way I could (see previous discussions for details) sometimes even as far as working some extra hours so I could give him something "on the side."

... and then the dojo closed. Words cannot describe the amount of dissapointment I felt. Not for the money (investment - I could care less for the money) but for the fact that my teacher, may did not have the same amout of respect towards his student, friend, and human being.

To this day I still believe I may have failed on something, he just never bothered telling me.

[kensei]

N4tive,

It sounds like your instructor has a few issues that he is dealing with, one being depression. Its hard to really understand depression unless you have been their. So, dont be hard on yourself. its not about you or your failing, its about a deep and frustrating issue that your instructor may be working with. Also, finances can lead to this issue.

My suggestion, with your instructors permission is to find a club that you can work out at and teach what you have learned from him. Maybe a community center that will split the fees that are charged for the classes, offer to split the dues with your instructor if he comes out and teaches you and the class on occasion. I know he is against commercialization but this is one way to reach out to others, get a bit of a business going and also keep your instructor teachign and you growing.

If you truely love his teaching and respect the art you are training in then you dont need to leave it, you can adjust and make it work for you. Even if you are not a Dan level you can offer junior classes and have him work with you. If he finds that some students really excel and are the kinds he wants to teach then the students and you can work with him even more on the side.

You can keep the dues low and he can benefit in that he gets a cut of the teaching dues as well as possibly building a club with worthy students (ones he finds worthy) and you can benefit in getting a bit of a wage while also growing. Teaching makes you look at Karate from a different angle as well so you excel even faster and understand even more.

Just my two cents worth!

[sensei8]

For the fear of him closing again, and as hard as it would be, and no matter how loyal I am to him, I'd seek out another qualified MA instructor that's more secure in his/her location.

MA betterment, is tantamount!!

Let the search begin!!