Should teachers avoid friendship with students?

[evergrey]

I'm marrying my sensei, heh! So yeah, I'm for it.

But beyond that, I've had the opportunity to hang out with my head instructor, and share stories and get to know each other in a non-formal environment, and I have to agree that it just strengthened the bond.

We see each other as friends and family at my dojo. Even Shihan, who is very formal and who has that old-school "I don't get personal with students" thing going on? Totally family.

[Ryukyu_lover]

I am also in agreement with most of what has been said already. A dojo should be like a family. You all train together, you all help each other. A sensei is a figurehead of the dojo, and teaches the techniques. He keeps it together, but there is no reason that you can't be friends with a sensei.

My dojo does plenty of things together. Everyone is happy. Maybe if a sensei is hanging out with younger students, it may be a bit sus. But as adults, no problem.

[boyo1991]

I am friends with my sensei/sempai. They've helped me not only be a much better martial artist, but have actual loyalty to the school.

Our school isn't meant to be a professional business. My school is non profit. We pay our dues that goes to a pool fund for the schools to pay rent, travel, and renovations to the school. We do what we do because we love it. And we love the people.

Since me and my sensei are friends, it helps me actually believe what they're saying. And with them coaching me if they say "you can do it.. no problem" I don't second guess it and I have no problem pulling off a one handed tai otoshi left handed from collar grips only! (For the record tai otoshi is my worst throw.) And this is in mock tournaments that I used it. Tomoe nage.. a move I never thought I'd ever truly do well has become my tokui waza. Only thanks to my best friend and sensei.

So to answer. I will never be taught by anyone who refuses to be my friend. And any student I sempai for will be my friend.

[sensei8]

I'm only formal with my students when formality demands it, i.e., testing cycles and the like. Other than that, I'd like to think that I'm friends with my students and my students are my friends.

Don't invite students to your house and don't allow yourself to be invited to your students house!! Would you violate this maxim?

The only ones allowed to our Dai-Soke's house were those that were part of the hierarchy; that was his die-in-the-wool-old-school rule, one he never broke.

[MasterPain]

Don't invite students to your house and don't allow yourself to be invited to your students house!! Would you violate this maxim?

The only ones allowed to our Dai-Soke's house were those that were part of the hierarchy; that was his die-in-the-wool-old-school rule, one he never broke.

Yep. Been to several gatherings at sensei's house, and he's worked on my plumbing a few times. And adult students are always welcome at my house.

[Lupin1]

Don't invite students to your house and don't allow yourself to be invited to your students house!! Would you violate this maxim?

My instructor told me I could stop by his house anytime and he'll show me some old videos or work on my kata with me (he's home on disability, and I think he's really bored). He also does Tai Chi in his driveway every Saturday morning and said anyone's welcome to join him, although I'm not sure anyone ever does. I haven't taken advantage of any of it yet, but I feel like I should.

Again, as long as it's all adults, I see nothing wrong with instructors inviting students over or students inviting instructors over.

[sensei8]

Hey, I've had swimming parties at my house many times with students from our junior classes, BUT, a student had to bring a parent with them...NO EXCEPTIONS...no parent(s)...no attending, and the parents had to stay with their kid(s) at all times; no dropping them off!!

[ninjanurse]

I agree here in that the dojo is family and instructors can be friends with their students without compromising the "student-teacher" relationship. Mutual respect is essential for any good friendship and learning experience.

[DWx]

I'd consider myself friends with my seniors in the dojang and consider the people I train with to be my extended family. I don't think there's anything wrong with being friends with people outside the dojo after all, they're probably people you get along with otherwise you you wouldn't train with them. However if your style/dojo demands that the hierarchy be respected and that inside the dojo there are protocols and rituals relating to rank which are to be observed, then inside the dojo you should observe them.

But as my parents told me, never mix friends with business; even though I'm friends with my instructor, I don't ask for special favours or treatment when it comes down to training.

[bushido_man96]

This is a tough one. Here's another way to look at it--do you make friends at work? I've found that with Martial Arts training, its hard not to make friends. I've been both instructor and student, and have been the instructor that would hang out with students from time to time, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. As humans, we tend to make friends with those who have the same interests as us, and become involved in the same things as us. As an instructor, its important to make sure to relate to the students that maintaining the professionalism of the classroom is important, and to not allow that to become compromised. But, if the students are being true friends, then that shouldn't be a problem, either.

I socialize with my Sensei and some of the other instructors outside of the dojo and consider them to be my friends. However, I am very conscious of how I behave in various situations - that is, when I am in the dojo I am a student and act accordingly!

I think this is the major bridge. If friendship is used to try to circumnavigate the rules and expectations of the dojo, then that person doesn't want to be your friend, anyway. They are a manipulator.

I'm marrying my sensei, heh! So yeah, I'm for it.

I met my wife at my current TKD school.