Character Development and the Martial Arts

[MasterPain]

I suppose with children there are specific actions taken to build character; teaching them when it's appropriate to use violence, when and how to talk your way out of a tough spot.

Adults need to learn about the laws and case studies on these things. Legal defense is a very real part of self defense.

[bushido_man96]

I suppose with children there are specific actions taken to build character; teaching them when it's appropriate to use violence, when and how to talk your way out of a tough spot.

Adults need to learn about the laws and case studies on these things. Legal defense is a very real part of self defense.

I agree. The way most MAists view self-defense and what cops base arrests off of are very different.

Adults can definitely work their entire lives to improve their character. As an adult, however, I tend to resent other people trying to push their idea of good character on me. If I'm displaying bad character, call me out on it, but outside of that, I feel like I should deal with my own character and let others deal with theirs.

I agree here as well. I don't think its my place to try to make character improvements on adults, or really on other people's kids, for that matter. That's someone else's job.

[Lupin1]

I don't think its my place to try to make character improvements on adults, or really on other people's kids, for that matter. That's someone else's job.

Maybe it's the fact that I was a Catholic school teacher for two years, but I feel differently when it comes to kids. I feel like all adults who parents choose to put in positions of authority over their kid, be it a teacher or scout master or coach or karate instructor, has the responsibility to help the kid obtain good character. Now if you know for a fact what you're saying might conflict with what the parent would teach, then I wouldn't say it, but generally the core values of respect and responsibility and all that are pretty static throughout society.

[sperki]

It takes a village.....

I suppose legal defense is part of self defense. That's an area in which I am clearly, sorely lacking. But that makes sense, anybody that goes through a concealed carry permit class is taught their states laws about when it's ok to brandish and use a firearm. Although when it comes to muscle power it is more intuitive, at least in my fantasy land - if I'm attacked, or threatened, I have two options: run or fight. In my theoretical world I would fight hard enough to get away, then contact law enforcement.

[bushido_man96]

I don't think its my place to try to make character improvements on adults, or really on other people's kids, for that matter. That's someone else's job.

Maybe it's the fact that I was a Catholic school teacher for two years, but I feel differently when it comes to kids. I feel like all adults who parents choose to put in positions of authority over their kid, be it a teacher or scout master or coach or karate instructor, has the responsibility to help the kid obtain good character. Now if you know for a fact what you're saying might conflict with what the parent would teach, then I wouldn't say it, but generally the core values of respect and responsibility and all that are pretty static throughout society.

I expect those people to be decent people that won't attempt to warp my child in any way. I expect them to reinforce the values I teach my children, but not to do anything otherwise. My kids attend Catholic schools, but in my experience, the teachers there aren't necessarily any different than teachers at the public schools I attended. I had some great teachers there, too. But, anything I learned about the person I was to become came mostly from my parents.

[Tempest]

I expect those people to be decent people that won't attempt to warp my child in any way. I expect them to reinforce the values I teach my children, but not to do anything otherwise. My kids attend Catholic schools, but in my experience, the teachers there aren't necessarily any different than teachers at the public schools I attended. I had some great teachers there, too. But, anything I learned about the person I was to become came mostly from my parents.

Everyone only knows so many things. One of the things that makes a martial art a "Do" or martial way, rather than just a collection of combative skills, is that it contains principles and methods to discipline your life by. For instance, there is supposedly a Kanji over the door of the Kodokan that, when translated, reads "Never miss practice.". Now on the surface this appears to be a rather simple statement about showing up for Judo, but it can also be used as a basis for integrity and reliability throughout your life. This is a rather oversimplified example, but I believe the same principle applies throughout the martial arts if you have a good grounding in fundamental principles.

[kensei]

It is not my job as a Karate intstructor to teach your kid how to be a good person, it is my job to enforce Dojo rules and A) Show them how to behave and B) expect that they dont act like animals in the Dojo or they will be dismissed!

I can not make changes in a few short hours a day that parents will A) undo at home or B) counter all together at home. If I expect a child to not hit someone and the father/mother encourages agressive behavior in thier child then I can not expect my hard work to pay off at all....parents have the most influence on children no matter what.

In our clubs if you are caught fighting outside the club and it is not seld defense then you are gone! If you are not respectful in the Dojo then I give one warning, talk the parents and if things do not improve right away I excuse the child.

I have had two instance were a child was rude and hitting kids in class, I both cases I spoke with the parents and let them know that they get one warning for this behavior then they can not come to classa anymore. The first case the mother broke down and said the dad had left and the kid was unrully ever since, but she spoke to the kid and told him to smarten up...in a not so pleasant way..the kid still trains with us and the mom was very happy I put my foot down and forced her to realize how bad it was.

The other time it was the father who got in my face after class and told me that I was out of line, I calmly said that it was not the right environment for his kid obviously and he could use the door as it opens up to the inside of the club and the outside of the club easily. The father left and never came back....I was told by a student that he threw his kid into Hockey and the kid was the team goon (muscle)!

You can not fight the family dynamic, we can not say we are here to fix people at that level, especially kids. Karate can work magic if the road to the destination is not blocked by parents or really affective outside influences.

[sensei8]

It is not my job as a Karate intstructor to teach your kid how to be a good person, it is my job to enforce Dojo rules and A) Show them how to behave and B) expect that they dont act like animals in the Dojo or they will be dismissed!

I can not make changes in a few short hours a day that parents will A) undo at home or B) counter all together at home. If I expect a child to not hit someone and the father/mother encourages agressive behavior in thier child then I can not expect my hard work to pay off at all....parents have the most influence on children no matter what.

In our clubs if you are caught fighting outside the club and it is not seld defense then you are gone! If you are not respectful in the Dojo then I give one warning, talk the parents and if things do not improve right away I excuse the child.

I have had two instance were a child was rude and hitting kids in class, I both cases I spoke with the parents and let them know that they get one warning for this behavior then they can not come to classa anymore. The first case the mother broke down and said the dad had left and the kid was unrully ever since, but she spoke to the kid and told him to smarten up...in a not so pleasant way..the kid still trains with us and the mom was very happy I put my foot down and forced her to realize how bad it was.

The other time it was the father who got in my face after class and told me that I was out of line, I calmly said that it was not the right environment for his kid obviously and he could use the door as it opens up to the inside of the club and the outside of the club easily. The father left and never came back....I was told by a student that he threw his kid into Hockey and the kid was the team goon (muscle)!

You can not fight the family dynamic, we can not say we are here to fix people at that level, especially kids. Karate can work magic if the road to the destination is not blocked by parents or really affective outside influences.

Solid post!!

The parent dynamic must, imho, be respected by every MA instructor because the parent(s) are just that...the parent(s) and I'm/we're not!

For me, what will get the student dismissed from my dojo or the Hombu faster than grease lighting is the parent changing what I'm teaching per the curriculum and the like. The parent is the parent, but I'm the Sensei and I don't share that responsibility with ANY parent, spouse, friend, and the like.

[kensei]

For me, what will get the student dismissed from my dojo or the Hombu faster than grease lighting is the parent changing what I'm teaching per the curriculum and the like. The parent is the parent, but I'm the Sensei and I don't share that responsibility with ANY parent, spouse, friend, and the like.

Exactly, I have told parents that try and "Teach at home" what we do at the club...and make a mess of it or try to "add to it" is "you send your kid to me to learn and you pay good money, please leave that to me"...and try to get them to join as well.

[sensei8]

For me, what will get the student dismissed from my dojo or the Hombu faster than grease lighting is the parent changing what I'm teaching per the curriculum and the like. The parent is the parent, but I'm the Sensei and I don't share that responsibility with ANY parent, spouse, friend, and the like.

Exactly, I have told parents that try and "Teach at home" what we do at the club...and make a mess of it or try to "add to it" is "you send your kid to me to learn and you pay good money, please leave that to me"...and try to get them to join as well.

I love it when parent(s) help their child/children practice at home, but please...practice what we've been teaching and don't change it because a parent(s) shouldn't assume a position that they don't possess.

And while the parent(s) intents is to help, it's actually not helping, because now I've got a totally confused student trying to please parent(s) and the Sensei...poor kid(s).