Ego at the top

[evergrey]

OSU,

We are all told that martial artists should learn to leave their ego at the door, and always have humility. We often hear it from the leaders of our styles and organizations.

But sometimes you really do see leaders not practicing what they preach!

Leaders who tell everyone to be humble, like they are... but everything is about their ego!

I wonder how they expect their students to learn humility, when they are so poor at it themselves?

Is the ego something they never learned to let go of, or did it creep in, under the guise of "earning respect" and "upholding protocol."

What does one do when their leader cannot accept criticism, but needs that criticism? What if their ego is harming people?

No, I'm not thinking of anyone specific. It's just a pattern I've seen, here and there.

My Sensei notes that in some dojos, only the kyu ranks are supposed to clean after class. He always helps out, however. He says to me, "we have the privilege of rank, but with that rank also comes the responsibility of setting the example for the students below us."

Thoughts? Have you seen this sort of thing? No need to name any names or point any fingers here, but perhaps you have a story, or a thought. How do we keep it honest?

There is of course "the proof is on the mat," but sometimes the best fighter isn't always the most humble!

OSU

[Evil Dave]

I think ego is one of those human traits that we will always have to deal with. Once again, how we deal with it is what makes the man/woman.

I had one sensei that was slowly loosing control of his club mainly due to his good intentions of letting senior students run more and more classes. Over time though he almost completely dropped out of teaching and hit the roof when a couple of new students thought one of his senior students owned the club. Also during this time he got pulled into a couple of TV gigs and this put him on a huge pedistal.

[Zaine]

Ego is always a big deal in the MA community. It becomes especially corrosive when an instructor is like this. Regardless of what they teach students will absorb that this is what a Marrial Artist should be like. We constantly adapt to the teacher as a subconscious way to match what their doing. If they have been successful why wouldn't emulating them turn out successful for you? MA will always have big egos and hopefully there will always be someone to check that ego but this isn't always the case when you're running your own gym.

This will always be a problem and all we can do is either slam into their dojo with humble guns blazing looking to take of their heads or hope that the students will choose better attitudes and teach our students humbleness and its stark importance in our community.

[DWx]

Unfortunately egos will always be there. It doesn't help that often we're supposed to pay extra respect to our senior grades and we put them on pedestals which just helps fuel the fire. With martial arts, often grades seem to = respect so people assume that they must be more deserving of respect because of the colour of their belt and not just based on their attitude and skills.

I'd rather not single out individuals but I could name a few people I've met in my style who are guilty of this. Even in my school there's a few who need to watch themselves or pretty soon their massive heads won't fit through the door! Fortunately my instructor is a really down to earth guy so no worries there. IMHO when people start developing this attitude that they're better than everyone else, their peers and their own seniors need to step in then and there and stop it from developing into a worse problem.

[blacknebula]

I've only been training for a few years so my perspective is perhaps not as broad as some people on here. However, I find the ego issues tend to crop up more in the middle ranks. All the people that actually instruct are quite humble, in my experience!

One day I was the second person to arrive for training and found my Sensei sweeping the floor (we train in the aerobics studio of a fitness centre so can't control the state it is left in between trainings). I immediately offered to take over but he declined and finished off. And in the spring after a tournament where one of our juniors was disqualified due to using a double counter in one-step kumite, Sensei apologized to the student in front of the whole club because he hadn't read the rules carefully enough and had previously advised the student that double counters were allowed.

I guess I have been lucky so far in that I have not run into those type of instructors yet.

[bushido_man96]

I'm in a situation where I tend to see ego quite a bit. I just tell myself that I won't be like that, I will be appreciative of everyone around me, and not let it affect my training. Now this doesn't always work, because its just human nature that there will always be those we don't get along with. With the concepts of respect, rank, and such being a part of the Martial Arts, especially Eastern styles, and even competition success in more Western styles, tend to be driving forces in ego production.

Now, on the other side of the ego experience, is our friend "humbleness." We take ideas like cleaning the dojo floor after class and other such things as an act of humility. Well, this is the 21st century, and for as much as I pay for monthly memberships, I think those floors should be cleaned by someone other than myself. Now, I won't say this is the case in all schools, because I know some operate on a shoe-string budget, but for the most part, I think notions like this have really died out for the most part.

Now, with that said, I'm not too proud to get down on my hands and knees and clean the tatami after getting thrown around. But, this ego/humility exchange is kind of a circle; "I'm of such rank now, and have done my time cleaning the mats. Its time for the new low ranks to earn their keep and clean in my place." Is this ego, or has the senior student earned the right to sit it out? I think there are good arguments on either side.

Another question I'd throw out; can one have ego, and still be respectful? I think so. One with ego probably just respects him/herself more.

[Lupin1]

I'm not sure having the lower ranks do certain things like clean the mats is necessarily a sign of too much ego. At my Judo club it's pretty much the kyu ranks who put and out put away the mats at the beginning/end of practice while the black belts direct us to make sure we're putting them in the right place and not bending them and stuff. I just thought it was because all our black belts are old and we're young... Not that they're weak or anything-- they can still throw/be thrown around just fine, so I doubt picking up and carrying a mat would tax them too much. But it's a good thing for the young guns to do the physical stuff while the old guys supervise. That's something that used to just be expected before people lost all respect and grew entitled. It was like giving up your seat to the old lady on the bus or something. But if there was a 20-year-old black belt standing back and watching the kyu ranks work, I wouldn't be too happy with that. I think you've got to be at least in your late 40s before you earn that privileged. In fact, there's a white belt who looks close to 50 and I wouldn't bat an eyelash if he started directing us instead of picking up those mats. I think it's more of an age thing than a rank thing.

Luckily I haven't run into much ego in the dojo. I can't stand people who act like they're better than others, even if they are. I like people who exude confidence and competence, but who don't have to say it or make a show about it. They know they're good, other people know they're good, why play it up? The people who show off and have to subordinate others usually aren't all that confident or competent and the show is a front attempting to hide that. True confidence doesn't need that and someone who's truly confident will try to bring others up with them without feeling threatened.

[Patrick]

Another question I'd throw out; can one have ego, and still be respectful? I think so. One with ego probably just respects him/herself more.

I think this is an interesting question because people treat "ego" like a bad thing, but "confidence" like a good thing where the line between the two is blurry and, often, they are the same. People want you to be confident, but when it rubs them the wrong way, it's "ego." We build people up to tear them down. "You are great, but only if I say you are great. Once you say it, you have a big ego."

I believe that the best way to go is to let others speak for you. That is the greatest illustration of the quality of your work. No one wants to hear you say you are great. I've been managing online communities for 12 years, but I never refer to myself as an "expert" because it is unseemly, makes me uncomfortable and makes it sound like I am praising myself. I think that is for other people to say. I'll call myself a veteran, I'll say I have a lot of experience. But, that's it.

That said, I also believe that there are times you have to look out for yourself because if you don't, no one else will. A veteran Sensei might find the need to remind a student that they've been around the block a few times. Call that self confidence or call it ego. Either way, I guess you're right.

The danger, as Ev and everyone is referencing, is when people think too highly of themselves. That you believe your own press a little too much, stop being able to relate to other people and you begin to praise yourself. That's when you can lose your hunger to be greater than what you are now and lose your connection with others, because you've become less relatable and less approachable. Ev's Sensei's lesson about setting an example rings true to something I learned from my dad.

Without getting into too much detail, suffice to say that my dad has been management, upper management or executive level of his field for a long time. He manages teams of people with all different job functions. The thing I learned was that it doesn't matter how high you are in an organization - if you see a piece of trash, you pick it up. You have to set an example for others to follow and you never want it to appear that such a task is beneath you. If you create that belief, then you've failed.

Of course, Ev, Brian and Danielle all have to deal with my ego, so who knows. Heh.

Patrick

Edited December 2, 2012 by Patrick

[ninjanurse]

My Sensei notes that in some dojos, only the kyu ranks are supposed to clean after class. He always helps out, however. He says to me, "we have the privilege of rank, but with that rank also comes the responsibility of setting the example for the students below us."

This says it all right here-great statement! Teachers are to set the example, period.

[Harkon72]

Ego is the enemy of Self Development, so easy to indulge, so difficult to overcome once we have a taste of its petty pleasures.