Don't You Dare Lie To Me!!

[sensei8]

As an instructor, I've some pet-peeves that get under my skin, but nothing angers/upsets me more than when a student lies to me.

I can't stand thieves and liar's; I've no place for them in my life...EVER!!

Students, for whatever their reason(s) might be, think that they have to lie to me when I ask them one of the most basic questions that any instructor would ask of their own students...

Have you been practicing at all?

10 out of 10 times, a student new to my dojo and/or at the Hombu, no matter the rank, will inadvertently answer..."Yes sir!", even though I already know the answer. There's only one reason why I'd even ask any student this...because the floor has revealed it to me!

I can see the most obvious...and that's because I have eyes and I've been doing this longer than most of them have been alive...I'm not blind and I'm not stupid. I can tell if a student(s) hasn't been practicing because there's no marked improvement in their Karate-do over a acceptable space of time. I'll ask the student(s) a series of questions to qualify my suspicions, and I mainly do that to see how much deeper of a hole do they want to dig. How do I know my student(s) lied; what's my proof? Perception is reality, and I'm no ones fool, not even close.

Maybe they've a reason(s) not to practice. That's fine. If that's the case, then tell me the truth when I ask, and then support your reason(s) for not practicing. It's that simple...don't lie to me!!

What angers me is not the fact that the student(s) hasn't taken a modicum of an effort to practice, which is paramount to one improving their Karate-do, or that the student(s) show disrespect to their Karate-do. No! What angers me is that a student(s) feels in necessary to blatantly lie to me.

Answering me truthfully is what I expect, and my students are held accountable for their actions and inaction's. Answering me truthfully will get you a gentle, yet encouraging as well as supportive reminder as to the importance of practicing ones Karate-do.

Lie to me and/or continue to lie to me without taking ownership of their responsibilities will get you this...

1) I'll tell you to leave immediately and don't come back until you've practiced wholeheartedly.

2) Lie to me again, I'll suspend you for an undetermined time.

3) Lie to me the third time, I'll expel you for an undetermined time.

Yes, I hate liars but I do have compassion for my student(s) because I love them and I want to help them in anyway that I can. Listen, no one's perfect, and people make mistakes, and in that, I'm tolerant to a point, but lie to me, I lose my compassion one lie at a time.

How do/would you respond to a student lying?

[JustLuke]

People who lie to cover the fact that they've not been practicing are ultimately cheating themselves, I think

... But here's some food for thought:

We all have different focusses and responsibilities and sometimes our MA instructors demand an unreasonable commitment on our time.

For many students, Karate is just one of many recreational activities that they engage in, and giving them a dressing down for training less than a committed Karateka would is both unfair and unreasonable. Implying that a lack of out-of-class practice is somehow evidence of character flaws or laziness is both disrespectful and patronising, but unfortunately some teachers seem to do this. It is all too easy to make a student feel inferior due to implied condemnation and by placing them under unfair, stressful pressure to conform to unreasonable expectations, and this often leads to lies being told.

As a husband and father, I don't see why I should have to apologise for not practicing as much as my sensei would like me to. Sometimes, often, I have more important things to do. It's as simple as that. I should not be placed in a position where I have to "admit" to not training outside of the dojo, as if I were a naughty child who had been caught doing something wrong. I would not lie to cover my lack of training, of course. Rather, I would politely explain that I do not need to justify my out of class activities to my teacher. If the issue was raised again, I would emphasise how much I enjoy my classes and value my instructors skill and abilities, and then suggest that we avoid having the discussion again.

Lying is disrespectful, but expecting a student to justify what they choose to do or not do in their free time is equally so. I am very committed to my Karate, it's a large part of my life, but there are times - sometimes long periods of time, in fact - when my responsibilities and circumstances prevent me from practicing as much as I might like; this does not make me a bad student or a bad person, it makes me a good husband and father. A teacher should understand and respect this.

[sensei8]

It's the lie that I won't tolerate!!

I'm not asking them to practice every moment away from the dojo. No, that would be absurd of me, but I am asking them to practice whenever they can.

But, I want to see some type of proof that their practicing by seeing some marked improvement of their Karate-do. Not for the sake of rank, but for the sake of them being able to defend themselves with more than a big-wish-and-a-hope that they can.

Don't want to practice...DON'T!! It's up to them. It's their Karate-do. It's their MA journey. It's their MA betterment. Practice, don't practice; that's up to the student. I don't tell them how long they must practice when away from the dojo, no, that's up to them, but I can only hope that they do some tangible practicing. Practice does make perfect...or close to perfect. One can't improve if one doesn't put some type of effective effort in their Karate-do.

But don't lie to me when I'm trying to help you. I'm not asking if you've practiced so that I can rain down on you some form of a punishment/judgement/condemnation and the like. NO! I'm asking because I want to help them, and them practicing away from the floor is paramount to improving ones Karate-do.

I only start a dialogue of questions because I've just been lied to. As their Sensei, I've the obligation to them and therefore, I'm accountable to them as well. When I ask if a students been practicing, it's not because they're answerable to me, no, it's because they're answerable to themselves, and again...I WANT TO HELP THEM with whatever it might be that they're struggling with; it's because I can see the struggle happening before me, and I want to help them overcome it together.

"No sir, I've not had the time lately." That answer is fine. It's simple manners to answer the question asked as honestly as possible. That kind of answer starts a positive dialogue between student and sensei, yes, I'm going to remind my student about the importance of practicing, and then, together, we're going to work out all of the cobwebs. If a student of mine can't be honest with me with the most simple of question, then how can a student of mine be honest with themselves about their own Karate-do. My students are at my dojo and/or at the Hombu to learn what I/we have to offer, and that's Shindokan.

I'm not the character police, and in that, I don't pass that type of judgement on my student. Having said that, my students must be accountable for their Karate-do, and that includes their lack of practicing. I'm under no obligation to invite one to the next testing cycle because it's a privilege that must be earned.

I've never told my students that they must disregard their commitments and/or responsibilities as a parent and/or as a husband/wife. Karate is a want and not a need, and in that, family and a job are far more important than any aspect of the MA.

My wrath comes down on a student when I'm lied to...DON'T DO IT!!

[Dobbersky]

TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS.

Its one of my pet hates, I can tell if they've not been training so why lie, I ask to confirm what i already know.

OSU

[Lupin1]

How intimidating are you? I've got a boss who scares the bejezus out of me and he also hates liars. Two of my friends were fired last year for lying to him. But on the few occasions he's cornered me, one time literally and on purpose down a dark alley, and hulked over me (he's literally twice my size) and got that fire in his eyes he gets when he's really, really mad at you, I've found myself bending the truth almost out of self-preservation instinct. And I'm an extremely honest person. Usually I will freely admit when I've messed up or neglected to do something I was supposed to do. But it was almost like I couldn't keep myself from stretching the truth and by the time I realized what I was saying, it was already out of my mouth. People will do weird things when they're scared.

[sensei8]

I'm not intimidating at all...I just know what I won't/don't tolerate, especially on my floor.

[bushido_man96]

I don't hold to the whole spiritual blah blah that gets attached to so many styles of the Martial Arts. But, with that said, it doesn't mean that I don't have expectations, morals, etc. I do. And they mean everything.

Among those, honesty and integrity are very important to the character of an individual. Once you've sacrificed your integrity, it is gone. Like your virginity, you don't get it back. I also understand that youngsters will try to fib their way out of things, but I ride my kids to do the right thing, and be honest, and to take their lumps; yeah, it will not be fun, but neither is not ever being trustworthy.

[yamesu]

Once you've sacrificed your integrity, it is gone. Like your virginity, you don't get it back. I also understand that youngsters will try to fib their way out of things, but I ride my kids to do the right thing, and be honest, and to take their lumps; yeah, it will not be fun, but neither is not ever being trustworthy.

Agreed. Integrity is something that is continually built up, and can be knocked over in a second.

Owning up to, and dealing with my own mistakes has always been difficult, but it has made me into the person I am today - someone who is able to capitalize on mistakes to learn from them.

[ninjanurse]

Integrity all the way! I don't tolerate a lack of integrity at my dojo and students learn quickly that the best policy is always to be honest. If you don't practice-say so....accountability will take you far in life.

[ossemon]

Lying is bad in general. I ask my students, if I catch them being untruthful: WHY would you make yourself into a liar over a trivial matter?

I don't mind you not having time to practice kata outside of the dojo. I truly don't! But if I ask if you have done extra work, or some other spesific, don't turn into a liar. I see through you, and you only fool yourself.

I take the same approach to my instruction, in general: If you say you do 50 sit ups, when I am not looking, but only do 25, two things happen: You make yourself into a liar, and you disrespect me. The only person you fool is yourself.