Psychological Issues with Free Sparring

[blacknebula]

There is a topic going on in the instructor forum regarding a student who is hesitant to do free sparring. I'm nowhere near an instructor so I don't feel comfortable posting in that forum, but since I am a student like that I wanted to give a bit of perspective from the other side.

I hate sparring. I'm glad that my Sensei makes us do it randomly, not on any particular schedule, otherwise I'm sure I would find excuses to skip those nights. I'm fine with pre-arranged kumite, but when it comes to free sparring I frequently panic and do the deer in the headlights thing. Why? Beacuse I hate the unknown. I start packing two weeks before I leave on a vacation. I plan dinner menus for my family a month in advance. Driving in a new city sends gives me an anxiety attack. I also freeze up in my dance class when the instructor asks us to improvise, and there is certainly no threat of being punched in the face there!

I know that this is a huge challenge for me. I am confident that EVENTUALLY, with enough time and practice, I can overcome this. I fully expect that it will take me significantly longer than most people to get to shodan, and I'm okay with that. Part of the reason that I enjoy karate so much is that it is outside my comfort level and forces me to grow as a person.

Anyways, my point is that fear of being hurt is not necessarily the root of the problem. Can you describe any other personality traits that might help or hinder enjoyment of sparring?

[DoctorQui]

I find sparring difficult from a 'not wanting to hurt my opponent' pov. I'm terrified of hurting friends/colleagues/training partners etc...I'm fine with an assailent lol. I am scared that I have no control. I got told off last week for opening my fist on impact to lessen the force and tap rather than punch.

Its a psychological thing for me, I pull my punches in sparring or I only tap rather than actually connect HOWEVER, when I'm sparring with a lower rank, I tell them to make every punch and kick count and make sure they connect. I'm ok with being hit, just not hitting.

Perverse eh!?!

Other than that, I do actually enjoy sparring but mainly from a 'testing my blocks and reaction times' pov!

OSU

[evergrey]

Oh man, I worry way more about hurting my opponents than getting hurt too!

After I broke a classmate's ribs, I've become rather paranoid. It's taken some time for me to get to the point where I feel comfortable pounding on even the black belts again.

OSU!

[darksoul]

Oh man, I worry way more about hurting my opponents than getting hurt too!

Yup I was like that... funny thing about that, being an instructor kind of fixes that. I don't hurt my students... I will, however, "correct" them as my Master likes to put it. Doing that I've gotten good at knowing when to "stop" the punch or the kick. It connects, it hurts, but it won't devastate.

Nothing bad in a little yelp from a student

The fear of the unknown is exactly why sparring is important. In a self-defense situation, you can't expect the person to throw a "training punch." They'll attack you any way they see fit.

What I can tell you to try to help you get over your anxiety is break your patterns. For one month, don't plan your dinner menus. Don't even buy your produce ahead of time. Go to your local farmer's market and see what's fresh. Pick what looks the best.

If you go out of town, don't even pack a bag. Go with the clothes on your back.

You have something planned a certain night? Break it, go do something else. Example - supposed to go to a dinner with a friend? Call them and say, hey, we're not going to dinner, you pick something else to do and where to meet you.

Things like that. Force yourself into "unknown outcome" situations until you are free of your anxiety.

[blacknebula]

What I can tell you to try to help you get over your anxiety is break your patterns. For one month, don't plan your dinner menus. Don't even buy your produce ahead of time. Go to your local farmer's market and see what's fresh. Pick what looks the best.

If you go out of town, don't even pack a bag. Go with the clothes on your back.

You have something planned a certain night? Break it, go do something else. Example - supposed to go to a dinner with a friend? Call them and say, hey, we're not going to dinner, you pick something else to do and where to meet you.

Things like that. Force yourself into "unknown outcome" situations until you are free of your anxiety.

Very interesting advice! Frankly, the planning tendency has worked out very well and made me quite successful in most areas of my life (school, work, etc.), so I've haven't really felt the need to do anything differently. However, I can definitely see the merit in the idea that if I become more comfortable with uncertainty in everyday life that will hopefully carry over into the dojo. And I am capable of doing something unknown, if it is important enough (ex. when I went to camp a few weeks ago, not knowing anyone, and requiring international travel to a place I'd never been). But perhaps I will focus on trying to do more frequent but smaller things. Thanks for the input.

[sensei8]

Sparring is a MUST in Shindokan, no if's and but's, and if any Shindokan student doesn't want to spar for whatever reason(s)...then I don't want them on my floor or on any other Shindokan floor.

Spar and spar and spar and spar and spar and spar and...

I can understand the unknown factor and the like, but one must face ones fears head on, and in that, one can learn how to deal with it whenever it rears up its ugly head. Sparring is the most uncertain one among the three K's of Karate...Kihon, Kata, and Kumite (Basics, Forms, and Sparring).

I wish you much success while on your MA journey. The more you spar, the more you'll become relaxed and focused; that leads to fruitful learning.

[Luuca]

I see this a lot with beginner students (although I am not a full fledged instructor, I do assist with the children's classes). Usually, it's a combination of "holy crap he's going to punch me", and "holy crap I'm going to look foolish".

With that being said, could it be that maybe you lack confidence in yourself? You said you also freeze up when your dance instructor asks you to improvise-- and while I can certainly relate (because I have two left feet, don't ya know) that just shows that maybe you don't "believe in" yourself.

I'm certainly not trying to call you out by the way. In fact, I think that you SHOULD feel confident in your abilities. YOU put in the time at the dojo, and YOU are the one who practices, so why wouldn't you feel great about yourself? Give yourself more credit, and don't be afraid of how you're going to look when you're sparring.

ALSO, I do not know what kind of dojo you're enrolled in, but I would imagine that no one is out to knock your head off. Don't be foolish and don't forget your training, but also do not be afraid of your fellow karate kas.

[sensei8]

I see this a lot with beginner students (although I am not a full fledged instructor, I do assist with the children's classes). Usually, it's a combination of "holy crap he's going to punch me", and "holy crap I'm going to look foolish".

With that being said, could it be that maybe you lack confidence in yourself? You said you also freeze up when your dance instructor asks you to improvise-- and while I can certainly relate (because I have two left feet, don't ya know) that just shows that maybe you don't "believe in" yourself.

I'm certainly not trying to call you out by the way. In fact, I think that you SHOULD feel confident in your abilities. YOU put in the time at the dojo, and YOU are the one who practices, so why wouldn't you feel great about yourself? Give yourself more credit, and don't be afraid of how you're going to look when you're sparring.

ALSO, I do not know what kind of dojo you're enrolled in, but I would imagine that no one is out to knock your head off. Don't be foolish and don't forget your training, but also do not be afraid of your fellow karate kas.

Solid post!!

Btw, Welcome to KarateForums.com

[Romethemighty]

Sparring is essential, I have no problem with it other then that I can't afford a dojo right now so I have noone to spar with!

It is impossible to get good without someone to beat you up back!

[jaypo]

I hadn't sparred in over 20 years until I recently took my 1st exam under my new system. I had to spar with the other student testing for the same rank as I and with the Sr. black belt and assistant instructor. I was very nervous (but after training with those 2 guys, I was aware of my abilities compared to theirs). I did very well against my peer (we weren't going for points to win; doing 3 rounds of 3 minutes) I actually dislocated my finger blocking the 1st kick from the black belt, but I pulled it back into place and told him to keep going. I actually did very well against him.

We sparred recently, and within 45 seconds, I beat the sr. black belt to 2 points. Then, I had to go against a very timid 7th kyu, and I was just like the person above- I was going half speed, leaving openings to teach him how to find them (without him knowing, of course) and telling him to try to hit me with good strikes. It was actually more fun "losing" to the 7th kyu than it was defeating the black belt!

I am more confident in my sparring abilities now than I was 20 plus years ago when I was an athletic monster! I do, however, find myself fighting southpaw more now because I am enjoying kicking off of my front foot (power foot) a lot more in this system.