abused ( held my nerve or chickened out??)

[shinobitribe]

Tht I should share this . I stepped out of office to grab lunch 30 mins ago, when out of the blue, a guy sitting on some steps racially abused me and started laughing with his mate. I wanted to say something back but I was too shocked initially. I knew he was looking for a confrontation. Angry after the initial shock, I wanted to say something but I kept quiet and walked away as I did not want to fight. Is this weakness (cowardice) or strength?

I don't know what to make of my behaviour as I have always read on this forum that walking away is what a martial artist does....

But does it matter how you walk away ?? ie scared or in control of yourself knowing you can kick that man's butt but did not want to.....

Note: In case of a fight, I would have taken him easily as it looked like he had never hit the gym in his life but I was too scared to say anything or provoke him.

Did I walk away intimidated or did I take the higher road?

All the people say, when in such situations (trivial I know) or life threatening ones, its better to walk away.

 

But what I want to know is when they walk away what do they feel?? are they scared or are they calm, collected (in a zen like state) and not let anything affect them?

Would appreciate input from all the masters on this forum. Thanks

Edited May 10, 2012 by shinobitribe

[JusticeZero]

So basically,

some random person who you will never see again in your life,

who has zero influence with you or anyone you deal with,

made some nasty comment toward you

to impress some mouth breather who is too pathetic to realize that people who walk on two legs instead of all four aren't impressed by that

...and you're upset because you didn't take the bait?

Seriously, that's almost like the guys who are so low on the totem pole that they try to push around and intimidate smaller women in glasses just out of the hope that somewhere in the big wide world, they can find one person weaker and inferior to them?

Seriously. What on earth could you possibly hope to gain from fighting that guy that you didn't already have before you decided to go for lunch?

[shinobitribe]

hahah well said justicezero...

Maybe I did not put it across well. I did not want to fight that guy. I was more interested in knowing whether my thought process while walking away was correct?

I am trying to analyse ... why did I walk away? Did I walk away because I was scared and too weak to stand up to him or did I walk away knowing that I could have kicked that guys backside but I did not because that is not how the world conducts itself esp a martial artist?

Did I walk away intimidated or did I take the higher road?

All the people say, when in such situations (trivial I know) or life threatening ones, its better to walk away.

But what I want to know is when they walk away what do they feel?? are they scared or are they calm, collected (in a zen like state) and not let anything affect them?

Edited May 10, 2012 by shinobitribe

[GaryMo]

Maybe you thought it just wasn't worth the hassle?

I'm sure if the guy had approached you then the situation would have changed and your instincts would have taken over.

You did the right thing anyway, don't over-analyse it.

[still kicking]

Shinotribe, I strongly feel that you took the higher road. You said that it was a reacially motivated verbal attack, though, so I can understand why that might complicate your reaction to it. Maybe you partly felt that walking away might seem like you were condoning his racist attitudes. Bottom line, though, this guy wasn't worth an ounce of your energy, is what I think.

[Ueshirokarate]

Your instinct took over for you. Your subconscious mind analyzed the situation and told you to walk away, that it just wasn't worth it. During this time, you had your fight or flight chemicals coursing through your veins so you probably felt nervous and on edge a bit. Had you been backed into a corner, you would have lashed out aggressively. You had nothing to prove to anyone and you weren't backed into a corner so instinct took over and you ignored it and walked away.

I have had a few situations over the past year or two on the subways of NYC. I have not taken any physical action in them, as they never escalated to that point and while I was a bit nervous, I knew instinct would take over if need be.

In short, you did the right thing, as others have told you.

[Chunmonchek]

I don't know what to make of my behaviour as I have always read on this forum that walking away is what a martial artist does....

But does it matter how you walk away ?? ie scared or in control of yourself knowing you can kick that man's butt but did not want to.....

Note: In case of a fight, I would have taken him easily as it looked like he had never hit the gym in his life but I was too scared to say anything or provoke him.Did I walk away intimidated or did I take the higher road?

Would appreciate input from all the masters on this forum. Thanks

I don't believe every encounter requires you to walk away. That's just not realistic. To say so is idealistic. Every situation is different, and you have to deal with them on an individual basis.

The real issue is how you walk away if you do.

Frankly, only you will know, after some truthful soul searching. And if you conclude that you walked away due to fear or anxiety, than deal with it. It's a learning experience that you can only benefit from only if you admit to and work through the issues.

I've seen individuals walk away out of fear, only to convince themselves that the next time, they would fight. Not good, as there is no one-size-fits-all response.

If you confront your anxiety and learn from the experience, you will be better off should there be further like confrontations.

Just my .02.

Chris, Not-a-Master

[MasterPain]

Congrats on not making him bite the curb.

[DWx]

Walking away and taking the moral high ground is the best thing shinobitribe. I also get this a lot, used to be really bad when I was still in school. Its really not worth engaging them or even acknowledging that they said something as they're just looking for a reaction most times and whatever you say or do won't make a difference as their ignorance and prejudice is so ingrained there's no reasoning with them. By saying something back (as tempting as it might be) or by getting physical it just gives them an opportunity to escalate. Especially getting physical with them might just reinforce any ideas they had about your race.

Not to say walking away and taking the high ground is the end of it. Be very wary as if they're really out for a reaction they might follow you or worst turn physical themselves. So be aware of where they are in relation to yourself, where you are, who's around etc. And if they do look like the type of person who'd strike you in a heartbeat just because they have prejudices, strike them first.

But in any case, I don't think there's anything wrong with being "cowardly" in a situation like that, just means you have a healthy respect for your own well-being and aren't out looking for needless fights.

[sensei8]

There's no shame in the way you handled it. I applaud you. If we all had said that you were a coward, it would've meant nothing. Why? You did what you thought was the right thing(s) considering your circumstance/situation, and I've no right to judge you because I wasn't in that circumstances/situation and I'm not you.

Again, I applaud you.