Tips for healthy living

[cowboystu]

REAL health advice!

 

Tips For Healthy Living

 

Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

 

A. You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and

 

corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an

 

efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?

 

Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy

 

vegetable). And a pork chop can give you a full 100% of your recommended

 

daily allowance of vegetable slop.

 

Q. I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this

 

true?

 

A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything

 

wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live

 

longer, that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by

 

driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

 

Q. Is beer or wine bad for me?

 

A. Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As

 

we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three

 

categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and

 

wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements,

 

so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a

 

beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

 

Q. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

 

A. Well if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ration is one

 

to one. If you have two bodies, your ration is two to one, etc.

 

Q. What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

 

exercise program?

 

A. I can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is No Pain - No

 

Pain.

 

Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

 

middle?

 

A. Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

 

should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

 

Q. At the gym, a woman asked me to "spot" for her while she did the

 

bench press. What did she mean?

 

A. "Spotting" for someone means you stand over her while she blows air

 

up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you

 

find that it becomes the only reason why you're going there, you

 

probably ought to re-evaluate your exercise program.

 

 

 

[LeaF]

he he he I like this one

Q. What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

 

exercise program?

 

A. I can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is No Pain - No

 

Pain.

[ZeRo]

hahaha thats great. No pain - No pain so im gonna sit down with some liquid vegtable and enjoy my healthy life!

[KenpoChick87120]

HAHAHAHA! Very nice.