Serious enough to be a threat?

[Kuma]

If someone is puffing themselves up and taunting you with insults, they're trying to get you to play the game. You getting verbally/physically combative back is what they want. Still, just staying there and taking it is no good either as their courage then starts to build up and they might attack you. I feel the best option is to avoid their game altogether and get the heck out of Dodge. React in a way that makes no sense whatsoever, then as they react to it you've got your window of opportunity to walk away. They may think you're nuts but situation avoided.

[Jay]

Yep saying things completly out of context disarms people. Hypnotists use it alot to induce trance. People arguing with you would not expect you to say they like your socks or ask what colour grass is.

[ps1]

Well what if you just walk away from the person and never see them again. They're gonna keep trying to fight and could possibly end up hurting somebody had you not fought and made them more "weary" of picking fights.

This is, in no way, anyone's responsibility.

Just walk away from the situation.

[Groinstrike]

I work in in a jail so I have to deal with these situations a lot.

The biggest factor is body language. I can usually tell what is going to happen from the way their are posturing or if there is any chance of deescalating.

For me, I only fight when I have to. I don't particularly enjoy it, but once I know it is going to happen regardless, I make sure that I don't lose. If that involves me making the first move, that's fine. Less of a chance of me losing in that case.

You work in a jail, so the law, unless you seriously violate your position, is on your side. That makes a huge difference. Especially around here, where people favor law enforcement and consider you guilty until proven innocent. My county doesn't understand burden of proof. At least that's my understanding as foreman of a jury in an assault charge. There is a young woman with a clean record because I convinced eleven people that being charged does not make you guilty. The ignorance of the people who will judge you is the best reason to avoid a fight.

In fact, it would seem that human beings are generally ignorant, panicky(sp?), superstitious, and sheepish. If human beings were all resonable, responsible, and logical there would be a much diminished need for martial arts.

[guitarguy]

Just tonight there was a small incident that my girlfriend and I were involved in.

When she drove us back to my place, there was a car double-parked in front of the driveway. I recognized it as belonging to a couple moving into an apartment next door. As it had no one in it to move it, my girlfriend beeped the horn.

No response, so she beeped again as cars stopped behind us. The man called out that he'd be down in a minute, to which she called back to hurry up. He then announced that since she'd said that, he was going to take his time. Cars beeped immediately upon this, and he yelled out an obscenity.

I got out of my girlfriend's car, leaned on it, and called up to him that I was his next-door neighbor, that we wanted to pull into my driveway. I didn't yell a profanity in return, but I did take note of his license plate, writing it on my hand.

The woman came down, and as she got into the passenger side of that blocking vehicle, said they'd move in just a minute. I responded with a thank you. When he came down, he looked right at me; but before an argument ensued, I said again that I was his next-door neighbor and then gave him a thank you. I got back into my girlfriend's car, where I heard him call back "Sorry" and drive away.

All too often, there are altercations due to traffic situations, either b/c of an accident, someone's discourteous driving, or what-have-you. In this case (my girlfriend doesn't read KarateForums, so here goes), I question my girlfriend having yelled out to him to hurry up. I believe it would have been better to "keep cool" and have the least amount of communication with one another. She wasn't trying to goad him, she was irritated and to tell him to hurry up just came out, but I feel that's exactly what happened.

I find it interesting that this incident actually ended with him calling out "Sorry," rather than another obscenity or saying nothing.

I think remaining calm is definantly the best option because it is always good to understand the others viewpoint and this is a good way to avoid fights. If possible when not under threat I would like to think i could talk to the person and calm them down and explain what he's doing isnt going to make him feel better and understand why he's doing it. Far to often do we jump to conclusions about people, we can't physically judge someone if we have only seen a micro fraction of there whole life experience. But if i know someones going to attack me then personally I will make the first move. What's better potentially being seriously injured or killed or explaining to police that yo had no other option. I'd say make him look bad to by yelling stop assualting me and stop trying to harm me etc so witnesses interpret him rightfully so as the wrong doer.

[guitarguy]

Yep saying things completly out of context disarms people. Hypnotists use it alot to induce trance. People arguing with you would not expect you to say they like your socks or ask what colour grass is.

Yes, confusion is the second step in conversational hyponosis the first is rapport which we have to skip in these situations. I would say however be careful if its to silly the agressor might think your mocking them. Maybe even say something which he can relate to and agree with, most people find it hard to harm someone who they relate to. This would then establish rapport and confusion at once putting you in a good position.

[bushido_man96]

Well what if you just walk away from the person and never see them again. They're gonna keep trying to fight and could possibly end up hurting somebody had you not fought and made them more "weary" of picking fights.

This is, in no way, anyone's responsibility.

Just walk away from the situation.

I agree. You don't know if this guy is thinking "fight" or if he is thinking "kill." If you go into it thinking "I'll teach this guy a lesson" and he is thinking "I'm going to kill this guy," you will probably be in for a big surprise. Its just best to let it be, if at all possible.

[yamesu]

This is really obvious. Someone posturing and stuff is playing a dominance game. Do you really think that it's worth applying potentially lethal force to win a contest for status that isn't even useful to you? That's like dancing naked between a church and a police station in order to get a wad of foreign currency for a country you never plan to visit and can't get exchanged.

This seriously cracked me up! I love the analogy!

[yamesu]

I have to disagree with some of these comments.

I had lived in a bad area for a few years of my younger life, where there is basically at least one fight or bashing a night in pubs etc (I dont live there anymore thank Science!). I have friends there that are pretty street-savvy and include security and bouncers, and they have explained to me (and I have seen it first hand) that once you have read the attempt at dominant body language, as previously mentioned, one of the worst things a person can do is back down in a timid manner. This is a major sign of weakness and can lead to (and more often than not does) being hit unto itself. The best thing to do is assert yourself, not enter into the violence if it is not necessary, but also not back down.

Once it has begun, its too late to back out. Unfortunately if someone wants to hit you, and they have moved into a position to do so, there is very little talking rationally can do....

The problem is, the nature of violence is chaotic, and as such, cannot be controlled. I just avoid it if I can.

As MA'ists the most important skill is learning not to put ourselves in compromising situations in the first place IMHO.

[LittleW]

Beating somebody up, who is just insulting you is not exactly self-defence.

Legally, you may only do what you need, to get out of that situation, nothing more.