What to do if a teen starts losing interest?

[still kicking]

sensei8 wrote:

A student who's a senior in high school might have a lot of academic requirements and/or responsibilities that might override dojo commitments, and in that, that student would be stretched to train at the dojo for 4 or 5 nights a week.

Who's going to win the argument? Mom/Dad? High school teachers? High school counselors? Principal? Dojo?

You are right, sensei8, it is a tough one, no doubt about it. We now have two 1st kyu brown belts who are in just that position, seniors in high school and very academically motivated. They have been neglecting their training and will probably not be eligible to test next year. There have been several others who left before black belt, to begin early entry college programs. We did have one student who was home schooled, and exceptionally talented at karate, who was able to get to shodan and get into a really good college -- then she left for school. Most of our students who train to black belt are past college age. It is true, we don't have many black belts, but it generally takes 8 or more years of regular training, and that's going to weed out a lot of people no matter what. Maybe we'd be better off making it easier, or at least more doable, but I have absolutely no say in the matter.

I do object to the mentality found by some students in some schools, though, who seem to think that they are entitled to a black belt -- or any rank -- just by virtue of their existence. It takes what it takes! I doubt that any good college would be impressed by an application essay where the student stated that he or she should be admitted to the college because their grades would have been higher if they hadn't had to train in karate 4 or 5 times a week! By the same token, if they are not good enough for high rank, for whatever reason, they are not.

The point I am trying to make -- yes, there is one -- is that kids have to learn a hard lesson in life. That is, making a choice to commit to something deeply automatically means that you have to give up other possibilities. Do I want to be a doctor or an astronaut, a relaxed poet in the mountains or a politician? Some of them can be done sequentially in life, but are impossible to do simultaneously. Maybe high school kids will leave karate and come back later, when they have more clarity of committment. High school years are a very challenging time of life for both student and parent, but hey, look at it this way. We are discussing whether they should go for high ranks in martial arts or explore demanding academic programs, not what are we going to do with them because they are using drugs, dropping out of school, and going to prison.

[mal103]

Thanks again for all your input, in this case they have a very demanding school life which will always take first place over everything.

They also swim regularly so all of this needs to be balanced with a healthy mix including a few hours on the sofa!

They have a friend that is a very good swimmer, unfortunately the parents have pushed her which I think they may one day regret. They get her up before the crack of dawn to train before school and then again most evenings, then every competition around is entered into at the weekends. They even have a room dedicated to her trophies and medals......

When I think of the amount of time of her teen years will be spent in the pool then I believe she will rebel eventually.

[bushido_man96]

I've got a teenage daughter who is not interested in TKD at all. So, I don't push her. She started there when she was young, but it just wasn't for her. I hope my two boys get into it, but I will not force them to do so...I want them to find their own way through life, including the fun things.

If they are just wanting a small break, let them take it. Maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. Then see if they want to go back. If they do, great; if not, then its time to move on. Maybe later they'll figure out that it was worth more to them and go back.