What to do if a teen starts losing interest?

[Ashley]

Speak with your children once again about their training.

[honoluludesktop]

Sigh.....been there, done that. If this is about quality time with the kids, Dad, its your choice of activity that is the problem. My daughter moved from karate to ballet like a duck taking to water. I ended up going along; went to every class, read her books, and watched her videos. I still went to karate, but on my own. Don't regret a minuet of the time I spent doing her thing.

[sensei8]

You have to intervene early at the first sign of disinterest. Don't be forceful, be patience because it needs kid gloves so that the student runs away.

You'll have to do a lot of listening and little talking at first. Sometimes our conversation can be received as a bit preachy, and this is the wrong venue for that.

Attack the problem, and not the student. The problem isn't the student, and if you approach that student with this mindset, it'll become personal attack of that student.

But listen and listen hard and listen long. Gauge what is being said so that the root of the problem will start to emerge for the betterment of that student.

This might shock the student, but as that students instructor, tell that student that the martial arts isn't above all things. Sometimes young students need to know that the world revolves irregardless if the martial arts exists or not.

Students, especially young impressive students, needs a regular break from all of the stress that's involved in learning and training the martial arts. When I was a child that was learning the martial arts, I took breaks, and one of my biggest stress reliever's for me was...baseball. I love the martial arts, more specifically Shindokan, and I trained harder than any kid imho, but when baseball season came around. Do you know where I was found? No, not at the dojo! I was playing organized baseball! Baseball took the front seat in my life, and Shindokan took the backseat. After baseball was over, I could be found literally living at the Hombu.

That was good for me because the martial arts can be quite tasking; too much for a young student to grasp. Had there been no baseball as a release, I doubt that I would've been interested in anything martial arts related.

As a suggestion, just let the kid be a kid, and in that, when all is said and done, this young student will return to the dojo fully refreshed and all gung-ho across the board.

[Jeffrey]

You have to intervene early at the first sign of disinterest. Don't be forceful, be patience because it needs kid gloves so that the student runs away.

You'll have to do a lot of listening and little talking at first. Sometimes our conversation can be received as a bit preachy, and this is the wrong venue for that.

Attack the problem, and not the student. The problem isn't the student, and if you approach that student with this mindset, it'll become personal attack of that student.

But listen and listen hard and listen long. Gauge what is being said so that the root of the problem will start to emerge for the betterment of that student.

This might shock the student, but as that students instructor, tell that student that the martial arts isn't above all things. Sometimes young students need to know that the world revolves irregardless if the martial arts exists or not.

Students, especially young impressive students, needs a regular break from all of the stress that's involved in learning and training the martial arts. When I was a child that was learning the martial arts, I took breaks, and one of my biggest stress reliever's for me was...baseball. I love the martial arts, more specifically Shindokan, and I trained harder than any kid imho, but when baseball season came around. Do you know where I was found? No, not at the dojo! I was playing organized baseball! Baseball took the front seat in my life, and Shindokan took the backseat. After baseball was over, I could be found literally living at the Hombu.

That was good for me because the martial arts can be quite tasking; too much for a young student to grasp. Had there been no baseball as a release, I doubt that I would've been interested in anything martial arts related.

As a suggestion, just let the kid be a kid, and in that, when all is said and done, this young student will return to the dojo fully refreshed and all gung-ho across the board.

I have to agree with this to a certain degree. I've given this some thought and came up with multi sided coin. There are those kids Like Sensei8 said that need to be a kid. And given time to relax and enjoy those dreadful teenage years can be a good thing. They will come back refreshed and ready to train. And there are those that will never come back. The longer you are away from something the less likely you will return.

Now if you force or encourage them to keep at it you could end up with a teenage who begins to resent you or a adult who thanks you later in life for making them stick with something. To me this is a huge gamble and once again it comes down to the child and how you approach it. Seeing as you are already involed you can set the example which goes a long way IMO.

With out knowing the children personally you present a really tough question. Ever child is different.

I hope things work out for both you and your children.

[mal103]

.....Now if you force or encourage them to keep at it you could end up with a teenage who begins to resent you or a adult who thanks you later in life for making them stick with something.......

This is the dilema.....

Sometimes I push a little but there is a fine line with pushing too much. Now and again one or both has the attitude of not wanting to train, a few times I have said skip a lesson, other times I have urged them to go and at the end of the lesson they have said they really enjoyed it.

At the recent grading they were proud to both pass and were really pleased with themselves.

It seems just recently that they probably wouldn't be fussed if they went or not - especially my daughter - which promted this post.

I will have a chat with them in the week and offer them a break, there needs to be a chat about training more if going for higher grades but fear that will not work at the moment.

[wayneshin]

Its really quite simple - It needs to have a social element to it. If it doesn't you will struggle to keep them involved. I have two teenage daughters - both Black belts 18 and 15 and both went through this about 12. I also run a pretty successful teen program at my club and probably have 20 odd teenage Black belts who have continued to train.

We started a dedicate teen program a few years ago with the focus on creating bonds between the teenagers. To me this is a really important area because in the years to come it is the teens who are the most likely to need some self defence skills.

So the question is - do they have friends at the club. What can you do to enhance these friendships.

[still kicking]

Seems to me that it's the sensei's job to let them know what is expected at brown belt. By second kyu we are expected to train at least 3 or 4 times a week, and at first kyu, training for bb, 4 or 5. Consistently. For a couple of years. If you don't you don't get promoted. No school worth it's salt is going to promote someone at that level any higher if they keep training so infrequently, and that will make them realize either that they have to train harder, or that they don't care enough to do that and would rather do something else. Either way, it will be decided.

[sensei8]

Seems to me that it's the sensei's job to let them know what is expected at brown belt. By second kyu we are expected to train at least 3 or 4 times a week, and at first kyu, training for bb, 4 or 5. Consistently. For a couple of years. If you don't you don't get promoted. No school worth it's salt is going to promote someone at that level any higher if they keep training so infrequently, and that will make them realize either that they have to train harder, or that they don't care enough to do that and would rather do something else. Either way, it will be decided.

Which school has priority? Dojo or High School?

A student who's a senior in high school might have a lot of academic requirements and/or responsibilities that might override dojo commitments, and in that, that student would be stretched to train at the dojo for 4 or 5 nights a week.

Who's going to win the argument? Mom/Dad? High school teachers? High school counselors? Principal? Dojo?

Anyway, I see the dojo losing this discussion because parents/high school have more rights than the dojo. The possible's of what would happen when the parents/high school puts their foot down. Who does the kid obey? Parents/High School or Dojo?

Sometimes the poor kid is put in a Catch-22 situation. Not an envious one to be in. As someone that's faced this both as a kid and as a Sensei; my choices were simple. When I was a kid, I did as my parents instructed me to do or not to do. As a Sensei, I never would stand in the way of that students academic future.

Any decision, is a tough decision in the long run.

[honoluludesktop]

How about High School sports, and the opposite sex. Given the choice to try out for baseball, basketball, tennis, etc., most teens with talent will opp for a popular sport. Most parents would too. Dojo's lose a lot of talented children as they enter high school. Almost all once they graduate.

[sensei8]

How about High School sports, and the opposite sex. Given the choice to try out for baseball, basketball, tennis, etc., most teens with talent will opp for a popular sport. Most parents would too. Dojo's lose a lot of talented children as they enter high school. Almost all once they graduate.

Another great point that I can't dispute!!