What to do if a teen starts losing interest?

[mal103]

My kids (12 and 13)have trained with me for more than a couple of years and its the only thing that just the 3 of us do together - other activities are done with the wife or all of us as a family.

We've come up through the gradings with my son one belt behind my daughter and I (3rd and 2nd Kyu), they lead very busy lives and are both at a school that gives out lots of homework, they also swim in a club and get involved in other stuff so Karate sometimes gets limited to 1 hour a week.

I have tried to get them to practice at home or to watch Karate vids and read a few books to increase their knowledge but they are not always interested.

I've tried to explain that now we are at a more senior level then 1 hour per week minimum may not be anywhere near enough to pass a grading or to learn properly, the last grading they only just passed.

The last few weeks my daughter (mainly) has moaned that she's bored or they have just not put any effort into training, sometimes the Sensei has asked me if they are ill or something. Last night after training I was knackered as usual but they had hardly broke a sweat and the few times I did watch them it was close to pathetic.

What should I do? Give them a break and don't take them for a couple of weeks, push them into training harder or just ignore it and let them potentially fail a grading. I think the last couple will put them off completely.

[SaiFightsMS]

From what I have seen some kids do need a break at that age. Some then come back renewed and others don't come back. Some even trained seasonally when they had sports they wanted to participate in. It is a hard call. It does help to maintain interest if they have friends who are actively interested in karate.

[Ashley]

I think you need to give them a chance to decide. If they are not interested, do not insist. Possibly later they will come back to martial arts, if they want.

[still kicking]

I think it should be their decision. They are at a time in their lives when they are exploring interests and finding out what is important to them. You could give them a speech about committment and all that, but you can't make them be interested just because you want them to be. I do think if you are paying their tuition, they should have to commit to training a certain number of days a week -- like more than one! That's assuming you are paying by the month and not by the class. Just my 2 cents worth.

[mal103]

Thanks for your input - very much appreciated. We are lucky that we have a club and Sensei that do it for Karate and not for profit so we pay per lesson, we also have to pay yearly insurance and grading fees.

I've always said to them that if you don't want to train then don't, they have skipped the odd lesson due to homework or not feeling up for it.

I feel that sometimes they train because they know I want them to but I try not to be too forceful with them.

They have just done a load of revision and exams at school at the same time as a grading so it could be the combination of it all, I may urge them to rest for a couple of weeks to see if they naturally come back to it.

I would be gutted if they stopped now but can't tell them to do it if they don't want to, personally I have started to realise there is a lot more to just technical moves each week but they will have to realise this for themselves in their own time.

[Montana]

I think you need to give them a chance to decide. If they are not interested, do not insist. Possibly later they will come back to martial arts, if they want.

Agreed. To force your kids to participate in something they no longer have an interest in will just make them end up hating it. Let them decide what they want to do. If it's to leave class, then that's their choice. They might, or might not, decide they miss it down the road a ways.

[MasterPain]

I think you need to give them a chance to decide. If they are not interested, do not insist. Possibly later they will come back to martial arts, if they want.

Agreed. To force your kids to participate in something they no longer have an interest in will just make them end up hating it. Let them decide what they want to do. If it's to leave class, then that's their choice. They might, or might not, decide they miss it down the road a ways.

I agree with you both. Also, anything above 3rd or 2nd kyu should be a passionate martial artist who can hardly imagine life without it.

[Montana]

I think you need to give them a chance to decide. If they are not interested, do not insist. Possibly later they will come back to martial arts, if they want.

Agreed. To force your kids to participate in something they no longer have an interest in will just make them end up hating it. Let them decide what they want to do. If it's to leave class, then that's their choice. They might, or might not, decide they miss it down the road a ways.

I agree with you both. Also, anything above 3rd or 2nd kyu should be a passionate martial artist who can hardly imagine life without it.

Agreed, but the way I do it is when a student reaches 5th kyu I give them my standard "speech"..which consists of:

"Now is the time to make the decisiion...do you want to take karate seriously and train even harder, because if not, then you might as well pack your gi and stay home. This is when I really expect you to start training hard."

[mal103]

........ Also, anything above 3rd or 2nd kyu should be a passionate martial artist who can hardly imagine life without it.

Excellent statement!

That describes me, hopefully they will stick with it but it will have to be their decision.

[Jay]

Its sometimes hard, I remember I left about the age of 12 for about a year and a half. Kids at that age have alot going on and I think its really best to let them do what they want in life. I know you said you don't want to force them and thats exactly the right attitude.

I know it can be frustrating that maybe they won't get to black belt which is most peoples aims, but if they don't enjoy the journey what is the point?

Obviously we are all here either because we enjoy martial arts and/or believe it to be important. You have to remember that many people don't do martial arts because they don't think it is important or they don't enjoy it. Everyone has their own reasons.

To be honest I would sit them down and ask them what they want to do. Do it individually otherwise one can follow the others answer. You will have to explain that if they don't do something properly then there isn't much point doing it. Also if they want to do something else either the swimming more or another activity then you should encourage it.