Dealing with loss

[Slayer2004]

Hi

One of the troubling aspects of running a dojo is having students to teach. Now we all know that there are those who train to be excellent and those who train because it is something to do and for most we would always prefer the students who generally enjoy the art.

As with many things there is always a drop out rate, those who leave because they realise what is expected, feel they cannot do it or another reason. For me personally these are just excuses and I always use the old concept of "Those who want to train will train, those who do not will always find and excuse".

Now what must be hard for instructors is when students leave, how do they deal with the loss? Even myself, I know they will leave and can shrug it off etc like many of us do, but at the same time I will always feel that in some way I failed to reach them as an instructor and I could have done more.

Now I wondered how many others have felt that way and also what their coping mechanisms are. Maybe we can help budding Dojo starters in the expectations of what it is like and how to remain on top without the emotional baggage that could potentially cause a club to fail.

[sensei8]

How do I cope with losing students? Students that quit for whatever the reason(s) might be or might not be doesn't bother me at all. If they want to quit, go for it. I just don't dwell on it at all.

As you've already stated..."Those who want to train will train, those who do not will always find an excuse". I only concentrate on the students that are in the now, and not on those students who are yesterday.

Just let them go...from your dojo and from your mind; your other students deserve your full attention across the board.

[kenpo4life]

Unless you have cimmitted a clear error, it may not be your fault. You can't please everyone. As folks say in the South," Even Jesus got crucified"

Do your best, learn to run a business the best you can, and let the chips fall knowing that you gave your all.

[Slayer2004]

Great, thanks for the comments so far, I am already of the above mindsets, but admit it took me time to get there just hope that this advice will help someone in the future as I know it can sometimes cause a perfectly good Sensei to stop teaching.

I will say however, I do not run my club as a business, I run it out of love for the art and will continue to do so. I have always wondered that when it becomes business oriented it will no longer de done out of love for the art but that money will cloud what is important. Unfortunately with the increase of McDojos around the UK already that becomes an increasing worry.

[Tiger1962]

Losing students is to be expected when you own a martial arts school.

For me personally, if I owned a school and students quit - I would try to find out why and see if there is something in my teaching style or curriculum or if something happened in the school that I'm unaware of which caused the students to quit. Because, you know --- there ARE things other than training that cause students to quit (speaking from personal experience here!!) Some teachers simply refuse to believe that there could be anything wrong with the way they teach, or run their school. That's simply "instructor ego" getting in the way with common sense.

On another note, people leave for many reasons, time constraints, money, health reasons, family, etc. so if nothing out of the ordinary happened, I'd shrug it off and not take it personal unless you are losing A LOT of students, then there must be something wrong on the instructor end.

[bushido_man96]

Some teachers simply refuse to believe that there could be anything wrong with the way they teach, or run their school. That's simply "instructor ego" getting in the way with common sense.

I don't think its "instructor ego" all the time. I think it may have more to do with the fact that a teacher has made up his mind about his teaching style, knows the type of students that will be attracted to and adhere to it, and is happy with that.

Some instructors want to teach everyone, and some are more focused on those who are willing to learn what they teach, and like how they do it.

Just a different thought on how to look at it. Those instructors may not see it as there loss.

[Agenda]

I think you should concentrate on providing the best quality lessons. Those students who are interested and are willing to study, will stay. Others will leave and nothing wrong with that. It's a natural selection.

[IcemanSK]

I've also had occasion to take students leaving personally. A few years ago I had a large family of 7 children as students. They were like sponges soaking up everything I would teach them. They loved my classes, & they seemed to enjoy having me as their instructor. Then one day they stopped coming to class & mom & dad wouldn't not return my phone calls. Surely I did something wrong!

Two years later, I run into the mom & oldest child while running errands in town. Mom appologizes for not calling & assures me that it wasn't anything that I did, but that their lives had suddenly changed & that my class wasn't not an option for them. No, I didn't get a detailed reasoning as to why they didn't come back.

Many years ago,I trained at a kickboxing gym that trained many world class fighters. The trainer's thought process was, "if you're not here, I don't care. If you don't train here, it didn't happen." He never worried about if someone didn't show up. It was their loss.

People stop training for all sorts of reasons. It might be something we as instructors do, or it might not have anything at all to do with us. At the end of the day, I can only teach the student in front of me.

[aramis]

I think you should concentrate on providing the best quality lessons. Those students who are interested and are willing to study, will stay. Others will leave and nothing wrong with that. It's a natural selection.

This is what I think. Doing the best you can is the best you can do. Have wisdom to distinguish between things you can change and things you can't change.

[Soheir]

If the teacher is new, it is understandable and even reasonable to think about the way they teach. But if been teaching for some time and there are students that keep training. Then those that stop because of the training, are very likely to stop because of their too big expectations for their success. It doesn't really matter then whether they think the teacher isn't teaching well enough or that they aren't learning fast enough.. Then one eather changes his attitude or stops the training.