Instructor woes

[Adamo]

Hello to all! I just registered after being impressed with the conversations and great feedback. I'm hoping that this becomes a place I frequent and also share my knowledge with others. I'm forewarning you, I can often write a lot.

It occurred to me that it might be a wonderful idea to come here to share my experience. Being a rather knowledge group of people who share the same passion, this would be the perfect place to share my thoughts and questions.

I've had this issue as of the past 3 months...

I started with TaeKwonDo locally because I already knew the instructor. I am good friends with one of his children. After admiring the arts ever since I was young, I finally gathered the courage to ask if I may join. It made since because the school is very close to home and it wouldn't be too drastic of a change for me.

I've become highly dedicated to my training. It's something I can never settle for less then best in (hope that doesn't come off as big headed.) The more I read, the more I understand.

I finally hit green belt. In our school, the order is white,yellow,orange,green,blue,purple, 3 degrees of red, "deputy" black, and then finally black. Being the fact that I have almost never missed a practiced and really push myself, the instructor has allowed me to help at green belt. This is very limited as I'm obviously not some grandmaster. I attend the kid's class and assist as necessary. It's kept basic such as warming up, stretches, encouragement, and other small things. This is of big help though to the instructor. I should also mention that he is always in the room when I am helping so it's under his watchful eye. I've become rather attached to this place. I've poured hours into helping the children and put even more hours into my own training. Other students have grown near and dear to my heart. I feels like home and that's something I enjoy. It's changed me mentally and physically. I have learned so many techniques and been the launching pad for my martial arts. But...

My problems are numerous. This instructor is wonderful on the personal level. I will never want to burn that bridge and consider him a friend. This is what makes it terribly difficult to present any of the following issues to him.

I started to notice it with the kids class. Once I began to assist and read about being a good instructor, little things came out. His consistency isn't the greatest. To the untrained eye, it's not noticeable. There's days he's very lenient with the children. Other days it's about constant encouragement but then there's times where it's boot camp. If something isn't nailed, it's push ups. It makes me wonder what the children would be like if it was consistent. As a student, you can never be sure how he'll react. When he is making you do push up's, it doesn't feel like discipline. It feels like punishment. I’m the kind of guy who believes that a student doesn’t need to be yelled at. This isn’t yelling out of control or anger, but it’s a pretty loud yell as he feels they need to be pumped up. How far can you really take that sort of an attitude though with kids 12 and under? Most of them won’t understand the martial art’s benefit as deep as an adult would. Most of them are there for fun.

This yelling was bad one day that a student began to cry. I had the horrible experience of seeing the mom on the sidelines watch and try to hold back her tears for her child. The father sat with his mouth shut but I could tell that it wasn’t fun for him either. This student was crying because they were being forced to do push up’s constantly because they would forget to kihap, or drop their hands during kicking, etc. This student had been attending for about 3-4 months and was a white belt. Eventually, they left and went elsewhere. To this very day, that same child refuses to take classes anywhere else.

Recently belt promotions were coming up. Attending college limits my time so I can’t always attend classes. The instructor was very well aware, weeks in advance, that a particular day I could not attend. I politely asked if he could schedule the promotion day to a few days later. This way I could be a part of it and watch these kids get their belts. His response was, “Oh, no. Sorry dude.” That was a hard line for me to hear. I’ve been alongside these kids for a while and been their encouragement to constantly do better. One of them has autism and some other disorders. He was going up from white to yellow which is a big deal. For me to not be there to experience these kid’s excitement of receiving their belt wasn’t easy. I felt rather angry for being pushed aside after all that I’ve done. None of the students or parents was aware of an official date because one had not been planned so I wasn’t asking for a whole lot.

The compliments are also one in a few at this school. I feel they can be a great thing for pushing students. I’m the type of guy who enjoys finding one good quality about a student and using that as a confidence booster for students. It really makes them push themselves harder. I’ve noticed that it’s completely different with the instructor. When we are in private, I’ll tell him that so and so has this wonderful quality. His response is usually “Ya, but...” His compliments are only given to those athletically gifted.

I was also hanging out with another black belt from the same style. While discussing some techniques, he noticed my hand positing. Turns out that my left hand on this technique was in a terrible spot and would have be knocked out if somebody spotted it in sparring. This is what I was told to do by the instructor and it’s never ever been corrected. I felt very angry to know that it’s been let go and it’s such a stupid mistake. I’ve never gave it much though until now but I see the man’s point on keeping it in this new place. This was the only difference I’ve ever noticed compared to other school’s positing of the hands. The man told me that everything else looked great.

The other big issue is sparring. I feel major lack of confidence on my sparring capabilities. I’ve been neglected and the instructor knows how I am during sparring. In my opinion, this is something students should be doing fairly often. It doesn’t happen often enough in this school. While I’ve got wonderful technique on many things, throwing it all together while bouncing around with an opponent is terrible.

So here’s my question…what to do? If I leave, I leave behind many friends who I’ve watched grow and have helped me. It’s given me many new capabilities and I enjoy it. It’s very very affordable for a college student as well and it’s close to home. If I stay, I feel like I may not reach my fullest potential in this style. I also will have to continue to endure inconsistency in attitude. I’ve looked into other schools that offer styles I’m interested in, and the prices are decent but not quite as great. Breaking it to the instructor would be rather difficult because of the friendship and it wouldn’t be easy explaining my thoughts on how he handles things. If I leave, I would have to figure out a way to tell him I'm done while avoiding the discussion of why. That would probably lead to an argument.

[ninjanurse]

I'll hire ya-LOL!

Sounds like you are destined to become a great leader and instructor in the martial arts....and if that is your dream do whatever it takes to achieve it! If that means you have to find a new place that jives with your philosophical take on things then do it....you can't be loyal to a teacher that you do not trust and you must trust in your teacher and the things he is teaching you or you are not going to develop your skills properly.

That being said....schools are not easy to run and scheduling events can be difficult when you factor in the season, work schedules, etc. While I do thank my parents and staff for their input it is not always prudent to change things around once they have been planned, plus-martial arts is a long journey and students and staff understand that their will be classes, seminars, and promotions they will miss because martial arts is just another aspect of their life that they are learning to juggle along the way. While he could have provided a better response to you he is not obligated to change for anyone. The students you work with know that you care and appreciate what you do for them-and you will be rewarded for your efforts every time you see them in their new belts!

Take your eyes off of yourself and look at the big picture here....if you look long enough you will find the answers.

[Adamo]

Thanks for your input.

As stated, it was not set in stone and never mentioned to parents or students. It was also going to be done during a normal class. I figured holding it off by 3 or 4 days would be easy. For some reason he was stuck on that particular day.

I will keep my eyes off myself. I hope my post did not come off as egotistical. I have been thinking this through for quite some time now for the pro's and con's. I feel in the middle still.

[Kruczek]

What is his rank and is he affiliated with an organization like ATA, WTF, or ITF? How long has he been teaching?

You mentioned reading something that suggested you should be more consistent with kids (I agree), perhaps giving him the article and saying you thought it was really interesting. Little hints like that to see if he maybe just didn't know. I think when convincing anyone it is best to offer an unbiased opinion from an outside source. Ideally - you have a relationship where you can suggest things and he can offer his reason for doing it different, but that takes time.

[Adamo]

He is a 3rd degree black and he's been doing this for a little over 30 years. I've seen the official documentation from places such as Kukkiwon. It's WTF also.

That's a really good idea about sharing an outside source. I never thought about that. I think I will seriously give that idea a try.

You're right, ideally it should be that way. I just know that emotions can run high when a student brings something to an instructor. I wouldn't want him thinking I'm telling him how to run things. But as mentioned, outside sources and very small hints may be a great way to start to see how he reacts.

Thanks!

[Adamo]

After a lot of thought and searching, I've quit. I haven't told the instructor yet. I just am not happy with many things and realize that it's not going to push me enough. I found out that another mom is very unhappy with the instructor so she's leaving as well and she's been there for 3 years.

I found another instructor locally that has a gigantic reputation and I'm told he's a genuine man. I've signed up for classes there and have never been more excited to train.

Thanks for the recommendations.

[ninjanurse]

Congratulations on your new beginning...hope it all works out. Train hard!

[Lupin1]

While I'm not a karate instructor, I am a 2nd grade teacher, and so I've got a bit of knowledge in managing classrooms full of children and making sure they come out having learned something. I have to admit when you teach the children day in and day out, consistancy can be a rather challenging thing to have. Consistancy of procedure is vital to keeping the children doing what they're supposed to be doing-- they need to know the procedure and know what's expected of them at every moment. But consistancy in standards are harder. Somedays the kids may just be off. Maybe it's almost a holiday or they have some problems at home or there's something else that just throwing them off and they need to have a sort of lax day. And then other times you find them slipping just a bit too much and you suddenly tighten the screws for awhile to bring them back up to snuff and then when they get there you let up a bit. Teaching isn't a science, it's an art. And while consistancy is important, it's also important to be flexible and remember that humans working with humans is never going to be perfect. That's my input, anyway.

If I were you I'd talk to the instructor about what you've been seeing. Maybe just bringing it to his attention with giving him a kick in the pants to work on it. Maybe he doesn't realize these problems exist.

[Adamo]

Understood Lupin1!

I completely understand that consistency can be somewhat of a challenge. But to go from slap happy humor one day and then 2 days later people are doing push ups because they made a minor mistake is just not great. The standards change so much that kids never know what to expect. When the standards are set super high, he becomes militaristic in nature and it kills the fun for the kids. By merely looking at the parent's faces sometimes, you can see they are not happy.

I thought about sharing it with him. But when he knows what he's doing and prefers it that way, I'm not sure he'll change. He's very stuck on his ways. I kept myself pretty set when helping these kids. They knew what to expect from me and vice versa. I was told often by the instructor that I'm being "too nice" by not demanding push up's when a kid simply can't pump their leg high enough to kick like Bruce Lee. It goes this way in the adults class. His statement has always been that if the lower belts can't perform with the higher belts, then too bad. That's their problem and they'll have to work it out themselves.

I think ultimately that the kick in the rear will come to him when he realizes that I've quit as has some of his other students. My original post is only a taste of the man's attitude. I could go on and on about little things he's done, but I'm not here to moan and groan. Just look for others thoughts.

[sensei8]

I'm very glad to hear that you left that school/instructor!! No instructor should be yelling at their students. Beside you being a student, you're also a PAYING CUSTOMER and you shouldn't be subjected to that type of instruction/environment.

This brings me to my favorite saying...NOT ALL BLACK BELT CAN TEACH!!