Motivating Parents

[Slayer2004]

Oh don't get me wrong I am not trying to get the parents to teach or give them more work to do. I am a single father of two and I know that being a parent is hard work already.

The but part here though is the fact that a lot of parents do not even know what I am teaching their children, and to be honest I have never been asked to show my CRB check (Criminal Records Bureau check) or my Dan Grade certificates or anything so I could be teaching these students absolutely anything.

We have asked that the students look after their Gi and belts not only when they are in a class but outside too, the whole black belt attitude that we often talk about is something that should not stop outside of the Dojo.

The only people that can help us to know if this is the case are the parents. S we have put in a slip for one of the grading criteria that requires a parent to just sign to confirm that the student will fold and put away their Gi. We would also like the parents to look at what is required of the student so that they know what we are doing with them and not just ignore it as if it is non of their concern.

Just to give a hypothetical scenario. What happened if a child at my Dojo was being mistreated by me? This can be looked at in many different ways but we will say that I am not teaching them anything really and letting them run riot. How long could it go on without the parent knowing?

The student may think what is happening is normal and if a parent didn't even ask (it happens) then it could be ignored.

I remember sending a letter home recently about doing a knife defence lesson with the students (older 10+) asking that parents sign to confirm that they are happy for this, explaining why it would be beneficial (Rise in school based knife crime). When the week arrived I had not received one slip back and when I asked the parents one by one as they came in they looked shocked as if they had never heard anything. One parent even thought it was something I should not teach in Karate and that I shouldn't even teach fighting full stop as it was not part of Karate at all.

Hopefully you see where I am coming from. I want the parents to be informed and a bit involved, understanding what their children are actually doing. I do not however, ever want them to be teaching Karate to their children, that will always be my role and I honour and respect that. In the end they are not trained for that and at the same time you are right Sensei8, that is what they pay tuition for.

All we want to do is make sure that the parents know what their children get up to and not just assume they are doing what it says on the door.

[Soheir]

But is it necessarily so important for parents to be involved?

Children do need their parents approval, that what they're doing is okay. They shouldn't show that it wouldn't matter.

I have noticed some teachers experience that parents watching the class is not always a good idea. It sometimes takes the kid's attention away from what they're practicing. Also some parents have a bad habit to give wrong advices to their children, that's not helping their kids to learn.

[Lupin1]

I can't even get parents to sign off on their kids math and spelling homework. I'm not sure how you'd be able to get parents to do it for Karate. Some parents are just lazy. They expect the teachers to teach their kids everything and don't want to have to do anything themselves. Same thing here, only now they're paying for it. I'm sure some of your parents would jump at the opportunity to be involved while others will think "Why should I have to do this? Isn't that what I'm paying you $X a month for?". It's just the way many parents are today. They were spoiled themselves as kids and now they're acting like spoiled adults who don't want to take any responsibilities for their own children.

[sensei8]

Oh yeah, I'm not interested in the parents "teaching" because I want it done RIGHT!! Parents mean well when they take the role of "assistant instructor" at home or the parents show what they know, which might be good or bad, depending on if I'm constantly having to fix what the parents broke.

I just want parents to be involved in their kids' martial arts. And if this just means that the parent(s) are there at the school to show their support, than that's fine with me. But, I just won't hold my breath for this miracle to surface for the reasons that I've already stated in my previous post.

[KarateMomma]

From a parent's point of view, I would like to comment on this(I hope noone minds, as this is the 'instructor' section of the forum)

There are two different types of parents. Ones that put their kids in karate so they (the parents) have a little spare time in the afternoon, and those of us that actually want our kids to learn the art of it and excel at it. Given I'm always the only parent at my son's class, I assume my group is very very small.

You cannot 'talk' a parent into being part of their child's life. Sadly, they have to realize this through the child. I hate to say this, but sadly it is true in our American world these days. Both parents work all day now, and when they get off they want to relax, and just don't have the energy to do karate with their child. I am blessed to be a stay at home mom, so I hope I am not stepping on any toes if I state this wrong. As a society, kids are now being brought up to defend for themselves, and to learn things themselves. There is no "village to raise a child" anymore. It's the child raising themselves.

The best thing to do is to keep telling the children to show their parents what they've learned after class.I like to let my son 'teach' my husband what he's learned, and that works pretty well, as then it is practice for my son as well and builds his confidence. And the more the children practice at home, the more the parents will get to see how much this means to their child, and HOPEFULLY will want to be more involved. I honestly, personally, could not imagine not being their for my son, and not seeing the bright smile on his face when his coach tells him that he's doing a good job in class. But some parents just don't see that I guess. It's sad that some just realize too late how important it is to be there for them and support them in this adventure they are on.

Edited November 29, 2010 by KarateMomma

[KarateMomma]

It's not up to the instructor, it's not up to the kids, it's not up to any relatives, no, it's entirely up to the parents and to be honest with you, parents are selfish across the board.

IMHO!!

exactly right in this one sentence. Sad, but true. (please note though, that not ALL of us parents are selfish. I gave up our winter vacation for sparing gear and I do not regret it in the least. I would do it all again and I am having just as much fun watching my son learn karate as he is learning it himself!! )

[skullsplitter]

My son is finishing his 6th year at his school. We have a nice viewing area for parents to watch the classes. I am constanyl amazed at how little attention most of the parents pay to the class. It turns into social hour, or internet browsing on the cell phone, etc. To me we (parents) should have our eyes and ears on the class to see what our kids are doing and what they need to focus on at home.

[bushido_man96]

My son is finishing his 6th year at his school. We have a nice viewing area for parents to watch the classes. I am constanyl amazed at how little attention most of the parents pay to the class. It turns into social hour, or internet browsing on the cell phone, etc. To me we (parents) should have our eyes and ears on the class to see what our kids are doing and what they need to focus on at home.

My wife and I are pretty much that way. We try to know what all is going on, and get involved.

[Jeffrey]

For parents to get involved they have to be the ones to want it. All too often I see parents drive the kids to the door and leave to go do what they want to do. The parents that stay are either talking amongst themselves or not really paying attention and texting, surfing on their phones. But I do see the odd parent who watches intently as their child does exercises and practices the drills. I have been helping out both our children’s classes for a year now and have made the following observation. When looking at the children that are doing well and succeeding also have the parent who is ever watchful. The parent often comes to me after class to ask how little Johnny is doing and what he/she needs to work on. They don’t teach at home but encourage practice and take a keen interest in their child. Second the kids that don’t do well and have trouble learning or take a couple of semesters to advance to the next rank are the children of the parent that drops them off at the door.

In anything, if you want your child to succeed in life you need to be involved in what they do. Take an interest in what they are doing. Children look to us for guidance and encouragement.

As a parent I feel truly blessed that I can take an active role in helping both my children in their Martial Arts training. Kids learn from our example and if you encourage your children they will encourage others.

This applies in everything your child does and not just sports.

[Slayer2004]

Completely agree. You do get a few exceptions where you get a naturally gifted student but children do need to know that what they do pleases their parent otherwise they are unsure what they should do or lose interest. I have to also admit I am lost in a way as I cannot understand how you will get parents that will go and stand on a cold Sunday morning to cheer at a football match but will not sit in the warm and maybe not cheer but at least try and encourage their children that way.

One of life's great mysteries lol.