Looking for Feedback on my Karate Paper

[Kruczek]

I just finished my Nidan Thesis and was hoping some of the members here could give me some feedback. It is about the evolution Karate-Do from Bugei, to Budo, to Tode, to Karate-Do along with some commentary on the various precepts laid down by Matsumura, Itosu, and Funakoshi.

There is an online version at http://okiblog.com/nidan-thesis and a link there for the word document with better formatting.

I am looking for some honest feedback - harsh comments are welcome, either here, on the blog, or through PM.

Thanks in advance for any help you can give.

[honoluludesktop]

IMO a thesis requires a hypothesis, and proof. What you have presented doesn't demonstrate creative thought. I expect a thesis to attempt innovation, and prefer to read something accordingly, even if I disagreed with it. Even a historical thesis, seeks to explain some phenomena in terms of what is known of the past.

If however your post is like a report, then that is fine. It is the kind of thing that most (including myself) would write early in our study of Karate. Btw, I didn't score your post not being sure if you intended it to be a report or a thesis.

[Kruczek]

Looks like bad verbiage on my part. "This paper is a research paper on the evolution of the philosophies that shaped karate-do." So I will go ahead and remove the word Thesis, because I agree with you - that wasn't my intent. I only mean to offer my explanation of already available information, not add more.

Thanks for the feedback, it helps.

[sensei8]

As a paper, it's fine. I'd say that this paper edifies your level of knowledge of someone having 13 years experience, and in that, of someone who's a Shodan seeking after their Nidan. Very nicely written!

In that, submit it for approval for your Nidan grading.

Good luck, please let us know if there's anything else we can help you with, and by all means, please let us know how you do.

[Kruczek]

I'd say that this paper edifies your level of knowledge of someone having 13 years experience, and in that, of someone who's a Shodan seeking after their Nidan.

Well I thank you for the feedback. I actually received my Nidan April of 2007 and my Sandan in 2009, the intent of this paper is to add legitimacy to it because I do not actively participate in any major organization. There is no one to turn it into because I did it out of self-motivation. It gives me the opportunity to receive peer feedback. If the responses were "you are so far off it's not even funny", then I would have a lot of work to do clearly.

The plan was a "what do you know about karate from personal experience" for Shodan Paper. "What do you know about other people's views on karate" for my Nidan Paper. My next big project is a 30+ page paper on the Dan/Kyu System - exploring its effectiveness and postulating if there is a better rank structure and award system used by other organizations.

[brickshooter]

Where's your sense of adventure? Why not suggest that your organization adapt the philosophy of a rival organization in your paper?

[Kruczek]

I teach Shorinkan Shorin-Ryu, which has no affiliation with Gichin Funakoshi. Both he and Chosin Chibana share a common teacher, but Funakoshi's writings are completely separate from any karate I have learned or currently teach.

I chose to highlight his philosophies because I think many of them exemplify what karate-do really means, regardless of his organization.

Rather than say my organization (I am not active in an organization) adapt his philosophies, I said all true karateka should value his teachings. If that is not adventurous enough for you than perhaps "The Great Karate Myth" is more up your alley. I meant to inform not create controversy.

I don't think there was anything meant by it, but if you actually think of organizations as rivals, then please consider Funakoshi's request that his style just be called Karate. He argued that tons of branches and styles was a bad idea and that everyone should just unite under a universal flag of "karate" (Karate-Do My Way of Life).

[sensei8]

I'd say that this paper edifies your level of knowledge of someone having 13 years experience, and in that, of someone who's a Shodan seeking after their Nidan.

Well I thank you for the feedback. I actually received my Nidan April of 2007 and my Sandan in 2009, the intent of this paper is to add legitimacy to it because I do not actively participate in any major organization. There is no one to turn it into because I did it out of self-motivation. It gives me the opportunity to receive peer feedback. If the responses were "you are so far off it's not even funny", then I would have a lot of work to do clearly.

The plan was a "what do you know about karate from personal experience" for Shodan Paper. "What do you know about other people's views on karate" for my Nidan Paper. My next big project is a 30+ page paper on the Dan/Kyu System - exploring its effectiveness and postulating if there is a better rank structure and award system used by other organizations.

Well, I feel dumb for not have read the paragraph by your picture at your blog.

Peer feedback; makes sense. Now I understand why it was a Nidan paper and why you have presented it to the KF members...PEER FEEDBACK.

Again, it was a very well written paper and it still edified your knowledge base at your Shodan level back then. I'm quite sure that your knowledge base has increased, otherwise, you'd not be a Sandan right now.

Well, I'll excuse myself for the moment so that I can wipe off "Dork" from my forehead, sheech, I'm so dumb at times!!

[xo-karate]

"What do you know about other people's views on karate" for my Nidan Paper. My next big project is a 30+ page paper on the Dan/Kyu System - exploring its effectiveness and postulating if there is a better rank structure and award system used by other organizations.

Thank you for informing reading. Now I understand why my late sensei Ogata named his karate club as Ryubukan - it is a wadoryu stule club.

In a way it's nice to read about what has happened and how said this and that in China or in Okinawa 100 years a go But as you wrote, karate is developing. History gives some ideas on what is important, but... maybe we all just have are own karate. I liked the link to "hojo undo" and the idea that you need to develope your skills and body everyday. Karate is the work you do - and it can be out side of a dojo. (And like in your theses not even physical exercises, but just making your self more literate - educating your self.)

About belts and grading. I like it for youngters and people that need an external goal. It's very important help for motivating practise, but powerful tools are also dangerous. In trying to graduate a belt and next and so on...Your as good as your belt - and that sounds sick.

(Very difficult issue - need something to be important and valuable for karateka to pursue, but it cannot be seen as a status sympol - you are not as good or bad as your dan or kyu.)

Very much luck for you effort on finding a better ranking system than dan/kyu.

[Kruczek]

@Sensei8 - No harm. No foul lol. I actually got a great laugh out of it. The source of my motivation is my two pet peeves:

5 year old black belts

and

$2000 testing fees.

When anyone under the sun can give a black belt to someone, we end up with 5 year olds on youtube wearing a black belt. This is fine - that is their decision, time, and school - but I don't want to be looked with the same confusion, "How in the world did they earn the right to wear that?". At the same time, when we turn to organizations to run things it eventually gets political. For me, to test in my previous organization for Sandan was like $300. Some schools charge $3000. This limits the ability of good people to stick with a school because they just don't have the money - and that isn't what karate is about.

Anyway, so the happy medium I found. Panels of fellow karateka promoted me, I bought dinner lol. Now I am opening myself up to peer review because it is often harder for friends to critique each other than total strangers.

@xo-karate - I am happy you found the paper useful in learning about your own school. Ryu is based off of Ryukyu Kingdom (former name of Okinawa), Bu is the symbol for martial arts (BuDo, BuJutsu, BuGei all stem from this), and Kan is the symbol for a house (ShotoKAN and ShorinKAN are examples of this). The translation is "The house of the fighting arts of Okinawa". RyuBuKan Ryu is "The style of the house of the fighting arts of Okinawa".

As for karate developing. I'm glad you agree. It is great for us to understand the basis for what we practice today. "Where did this come from?" It always amazes me the number of changes to karate when it went to Japan, yet when it came from Japan people refused to change it because "its a tradition". If the Okinawans were happy to change it to make it more Japanese, why can't I change it to make it more American? As long as I keep the important parts, I think it is ok to do things like a camouflage belt and pistol disarming (I doubt Bushi Matsumura was worried about that).

Very much luck for you effort on finding a better ranking system than dan/kyu.

I am not trying to find a better system, just evaluate if we already have the best system. From the 17th to the 20th century, there were no Gis and no karate belts, and Karate was taught and learned just fine. I am no suggesting we start calling former blue belts Sergeant or the head of a school being "Mr. President" instead of "Sensei". I just want to see what are the Pros and Cons of each organizations structure and what Karate schools could gain from them. This is just like when Funakoshi thought that Judo had the right idea with the Kyu/Dan system. If nothing else, he offered something the Japanese people already knew. Well what do Americans (or the Finnish) already relate to that they would be more comfortable with? So I am not saying there is definitely a better rank structure, I just want to explore the idea. If it turns out the Kyu/Dan system is better than anything else - now when someone else asks the same question I can show them what my research says.

Thank you both for your input.