Awkward situation at the dojo (sparring related)

[bushido_man96]

If you're told to go 50% and he's going 100%, he should expect the same in return. If he's expecting to go 100% without repercussions, he should think again personally. If it happens again, I would still sweep him and if he complains, then go to the next higher up and let them know of the situation. Sounds like he's in the wrong.

This sounds like the route to go. In my opinion, the fella should have known better, and it sounds like he may be trying to save face. It sounds like he is trying to take away one of your weapons against him in sparring.

i probably wont be sweeping him anymore

I would be. Over and over again. I don't see any reason to stop, other than giving in to his demands.

i probably should tell him that if he goes hard, then i'll go hard, if he goes light, then i'll go light... i guess i'm just confused because i thought it would be common sense that if you attack someone hard and punch them hard then expect the same back... and the sweep was really soft and slow, maybe the little tap to his head and small kiai was unnecessary but i meant no harm, it was just to show him that he's going 100% and i could hit him back so to speak

I agree, it should be common sense. As for the light tap and kiai, I don't see anything wrong with that, either. It sounds to me like this guy needs to get a grip.

[JAKEHE3078]

Sounds like he got his feelings a little butt hurt. What seems to of happened was he kept getting caught and his ego broke. Him asking you to lay-off the sweeps is so he doesent have to risk getting caught again, and not looking so good. Who cares helping him IS NOT going to help you. After all you want to practice your sweeps and takedowns and use a follow up technique always!. How else are you going to train yourself to react quickly enough for that sanbon? Dont catch him to break the fall for petes sake he is a brown belt he should be able to do that on his own. Granted WKF/puzzle mats dont have much give to them but that really should not be your concern at yours and his level.

[mr_obvious]

I vote to keep sweeping the sucker!

[evergrey]

One of the biggest reasons to spar in class is to learn, not to win. Of course, one should always be giving 110% effort, but also respect the instructors of the sensei when they're told to use 50% power.

It sounds like this guy hasn't learned yet to leave his ego at the door.

He felt that he'd lost face. I do not believe that what you did was improper. You could have purposefully injured him. A sweep and a gentle fall is not really a humiliation- it's an opportunity to learn. If he is getting swept so readily, he clearly needs to learn how to defend against sweeps. You fight how you train- if it's something he needs to learn, then he needs to experience it. I'd also suggest seeing if sweeps and falls can be worked on in one of the upcoming classes. I don't think you should feel the need to avoid sweeping him.

Heck, my sensei throws me around all the time.

Another thing is that he asked you to spar. You out-rank him, correct? If that is the case, then he was technically issuing a challenge to you! Perhaps he thought that he would win, and was upset that you handled him like that. Certainly an ego issue there.

Perhaps it might be a good idea to quietly take your sensei aside and ask him for your advice on the best way to handle it. Don't couch it in terms of him settling the issue for you- just ask him how he'd advise you handle it. Mention that you are concerned about how people may respond to you as an authority figure at such a young age, and that you want to handle it in the most mature way possible.

Remember that the people in your dojo are friends and family. Form a united front, support one another, and you will all be stronger for it.

Remember that if you defeat someone and humiliate them, you may earn an enemy for life.

If you defeat someone and allow them to save face, treating them with dignity and respect, you may gain an ally for life.

But you should also not let anyone bully you, and this young man needs to learn some humility and respect your rank as well as your abilities. I would suggest discussing the matter quietly, not outing him in public in front of the other students, and treating him well. Soften the blows of his defeat by complimenting something he did well. After you sweep him and yame is called, tell him "good fight!" or after class if he did something well, say "your yoko geri was really good- you popped it perfectly!"

I think it is good to match energy for energy. If a lower rank wants to flail at you hard, sometimes it is up to you to demonstrate to them that doing such a thing won't always gain them the advantage. There will always be someone out there who is bigger, stronger, faster, and more skilled than you are. This is an important lesson to learn. Confidence is good. Arrogance can get you killed.

If he cannot control the level of his power, then perhaps say something like "hey, let's ease up a bit so the lower ranks can see and understand what we're doing!" Then again, if you outrank him, you have every right to give him the order to cut back on his power. Chain of command! Even if you do not, you are within your rights to set a boundary and tell him he needs to ease up. Not because you can't handle it, but because he needs to respect the instructions of his sensei and learn control.

The first great accomplishment is to learn how to quickly and effectively injure or kill your opponent. The next, greater accomplishment is to KNOW how to effectively injure or kill your opponent, and NOT do so. We are warriors, not thugs. Living the martial way is not only a strength- it is also a responsibility!

Even though you know that the real issue is him feeling ashamed that you swept him so readily, you could say, "you know, thank you very much for bringing up your concern, that's a really good point! Let's see about focusing on teaching everyone about sweeps and falls. I'd hate for one of our students to get hurt because they don't know how to execute or receive that properly!"

Often people don't mean as much offense as they inadvertently manage to give. What most people really, truly want is to be understood and accepted. Do not retreat, stand up for yourself, but have compassion and be willing to be forgiving. Be the better man (unless you are a woman, then be the better woman, haha!) and take the high ground. You might make a friend. And if you do not, he will find it hard to find fault in you anyway. Even if you cannot win his respect, others will note your behavior and respect you more for it.

I hope that is helpful.

OSU!

[honoluludesktop]

Some people lose, then move on to the next match. Many lose, and then have 100 reasons why they lost, mostly because the situation wasn't fair, perhaps because of the referee, illegal techniques, bad rules, etc., etc. Never because the other fellow was simply better then they.

But I have a problem with reading about these kinds of situations, because it sounds like a put down of someone, who is unable to give their side of the story.

[kansascityshuffle]

I wouldn't really pay any mind to it. You countered somebody coming at you hard without causing harm to him. He can try to "defend" his humiliation with a made up story but tell him he set the pace by coming at you hard.

You'll come across a lot more awkward situations then this. Sorry that I sound so rough around the edge but it's true. Instead of retaliating by hitting him back hard, you swept him, end of story.

[sensei8]

Seeing that only your Sensei out ranks you, then why is this guy asking you to kumite? Dojo ettiquite 101.

Personally, I don't see that you did anything wrong; sweep him all day long if he allows it. If he doesn't want you to sweep him, then it's time to pay more attention on how to counter/avoid the sweep, especially when your dojo does/teaches sweeps, and your dojo has been doing/teaching sweeps forever.

This sempai seems to prove what I say all the time...

Not all black belts can teach!

[Groinstrike]

Sorry, kind of a long read lol...

so a few days ago i told the class that i could only go about 50% that day and it went fine sparring really lightly (at about 50%) w/2 students before the 3rd student i was about to spar w/had to take a break because of a blister on his foot... So i was standing on the side and so was another sempai (let's call him sempai A), when he came up to me and said I'll spar w/you...

Well, he came at me full blast, punching fast and hard (we sparred once before and he didn't come at me that hard lol)... so I swept him but I held onto his gi so that he didn't go crashing into the ground, rather he fell on his back very gently... So i let him up, then he came at me again, full blast AGAIN, so i did the exact same sweep, and let him down gently, this time tapping him really softly in the head and letting out a soft kiai... A brown belt kid sparring next to us was like, "how did you do that!" which i'm sure didn't help the situation, and then we heard, "yame," and that ended the sparring session...

The next class, I come early (i always do because i teach the first class), no other black belts come that early except me, but this time, sempai A pulls up really early in regular clothes... I'm like, "Hey, you're here early," and he tells me he wanted to talk to me about the sweeps I did on him... I'm thinking he was going to ask me to show him how i caught him which is usually what i get from the sempais when i sweep them... but instead he tells me that maybe i should stop sweeping because it's dangerous and others don't know how to breakfall as good as he does... Keep in mind he didn't breakfall, because I let him down really slowly... and I've swept others right next to him many times and I've let them down slowly as well...

This is something our dojo teaches and has been doing forever, we sweep and teach sweeps... now i really don't want to spar w/this guy because i don't want him to complain and be salty that i swept him or maybe say that i hit him too hard... another sempai said he built up an image when he teaches that he's some incredible fighter and now he probably hates me because i embarrassed him... also, after he told me about the sweeps, he just left and said he'd be back next week because he has to work this week so he basically came just to talk about me sweeping him

so idk what to make of something like this lol... i kind of feel weirded out that he came extra early to "talk," to me about something that happens all the time in karate training... i really just want to avoid sparring w/this guy because our dojo goes rough when we spar and he got used to sparring w/kids since me and the other adults weren't sparring in this dojo for the past 2yrs but recently started sparring w/them again... and the thing is, he comes full blast so idk what he expects? I go easy on the ones who go easy... if they go hard, i go hard back and i'd expect the same

I agree with what mostley everyone else has said, if he can't understand 50%, don spar with him.

[Kruczek]

If he has an issue because you are younger, that is ignorance and he needs to get over it in my honest opinion...

I am younger than all three of highest ranking students. One actually is more than twice my age. There has always been a complete understanding of the fact I earned my rank and we have fun and when I sweep them or make them look silly sparring - we laugh it off and I try to teach them something from it.

He should have asked you how to keep from getting swept in the future, not presented it as "you shouldn't do that".

Maybe I missed something, but ask your Sensei if they are ok with you sweeping, if they are, continue as you always have.

My two cents.

[ptr]

Next time you teach a class while he is here, focus on sweeps and gentle takedowns. Then have the class practice kumite at 50%, trying to place sweeps. Then kumite with him and let him sweep you a few times.

Face is restored, and his level has improved so you now have a better opponent to train with: you're both winners.