Do you think it's appropriate for women to train with men?

[Biskit]

Hi,

I'm a 14 year old girl (almost 15) that does Brazillian Jiu Jitsu. I have a tournament tomorrow, but my mom and I are having a disagreement. As I'm sure most of you know, BJJ is a very close contact, wrestling art. My mom has decided that it's "innapropriate" for me to be training with boys/guys in BJJ, and she may not let me compete if I have to fight a guy. In my opinion, I think that's ridiculous. Yes, it's a close contact art, but there's no need to think it's innapropriate. We're competing, and we're not going to have innapropriate thoughts. My mom just keeps saying that it's not appropriate to fight the guys!

What is your opinion on this? Does anyone know how I can convince my mom to change her mind?

[StrangeBacon]

I can see where your mum is coming from, but by the same token martial arts are just that, nothing more nothing less, and in a competition everyones mind is going to be on one thing, winning.

Being female in a grappling art like BJJ is going to attract attention from people who dont do martial arts for sure, but dont let that stop you, if anything, use peoples perceptions to prove them wrong!

A certain element of it is going to be down to different generation and times, years ago they would have seperated the females/males, but times are different now and that can only be a sign of a more accepting, open society, a definate plus.

Maybe show her how much you've been practicing and how much this competition means to you, that could sway her.

Good luck!

[ps1]

Hi,

I'm a 14 year old girl (almost 15) that does Brazillian Jiu Jitsu. I have a tournament tomorrow, but my mom and I are having a disagreement. As I'm sure most of you know, BJJ is a very close contact, wrestling art. My mom has decided that it's "innapropriate" for me to be training with boys/guys in BJJ, and she may not let me compete if I have to fight a guy. In my opinion, I think that's ridiculous. Yes, it's a close contact art, but there's no need to think it's innapropriate. We're competing, and we're not going to have innapropriate thoughts. My mom just keeps saying that it's not appropriate to fight the guys!

What is your opinion on this? Does anyone know how I can convince my mom to change her mind?

Ask your mom what the gender of someone who wants to rape you will be. Then ask her if she wants you to be able to survive the encounter.

That's a very morbid yet appropriate question. BJJ is the ultimate art when it comes to rape defense being that a great deal of it takes place between your legs in the guard position.

You are fortunate to be training with guys and learning to deal with their aggressiveness now, when it's only training. You don't want to have to learn once he has you on your back with his hand at your throat.

[JiuJitsuNation]

I agree with ps1. It's a fantastic idea to have you !. training with guys and 2. competing against them. I know some very tough girls that tap guys in their weight class consistently. The only thing the guys will be thinking is "crap if I win I just beat a girl, and if I lose, I just got beat by a girl. That will be the extent to their thought processes. Plus there will be hundreds of eyes on you. No safer place to practice what you've been learning in my opinion.

[brickshooter]

Honestly... because I have inadvertently rubbed my testicals agaist my opponents during ground work, I could understand her mother's point of view.

(no jokes please).

[tallgeese]

It's incidental contact. No, I don't think you'll get many people saying it's a problem. Still, my wife occassionally expresses her discomfort with the idea. Not so much with my rolling with females, although I think this does bug her a bit, but mainly when we discuss starting my 6 yr. old daughter in the program.

You'll find, the more torunies you go to, there will likely be female divisions. This will probabily make the point moot and your mom will be more comfortable with the idea.

That being said, given your age you have to live with your parents and vice versa for lots o years yet. Best to come to some sort of accord. Don't fight them too much on a rule they set like this, even if you, or a forum full of martial artist disagree. There's pleanty of time and divisions in the older years for you to explore the competitive side of the arts.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

[DWx]

I agree with all that's been said already, especially think you should ask her what ps1 said. I do understand where your mom's coming from though, its only natural that she wants to protect you from anything untoward and with BJJ obviously its going to seem like there could be given the close contact. There's not much you can do apart from explain to her and maybe show her what's been said here. Luckily my mom was never like this with me, she preferred the "throw me to the wolves" style of parenting...

There's a nice little article here (and the responses) that you might want to show your mom: http://www.karateforums.com/women-and-the-martial-arts-vt33669.html

Think there are a number of past discussions on women in the martial arts, a search should bring them up.

[bushido_man96]

I think ps1's reply might ring home a bit.

Like some of the others have mentioned, I can understand where her discomfort comes from. Its a natural thing, and parents will be protective of their kids.

My daughter has joked about going out for Wrestling. I told her to go for it. Just be ready to work.

[Soheir]

So there really is competitions male against female? I gess yes, since no one seems to argue with that, but I just have never heard so.

[Capt Jakk]

Tallgeese, you might not want to describe it as "rolling with females" when talking to your wife.

On topic. I suggest having a serious talk with your mother and working out some kind of compromise so you can compete. Try to understand why your mom feels this way or what her fears are. From the information given it could be anything. Show your mom you understand her point of view then cut a deal.