Advice sought re youngster and concentration

[flatfoot]

Hello there. I'm needing some advice regarding my 7 year old nephew. Please bear with me:

Background: At 7 and 4 months, he's had a tough year- has moved from middle England to a Scottish housing estate, into a house fit to bursting after his mum came back up north for health/career reasons. His dad's military and has not only moved to the south coast, he's currently deployed in Afghanistan.

His younger sister started ballet this year after much pestering. I suggested we go to karate together to get fit, make friends and he jumped at the chance. We both started Shotokan karate 2 weeks ago and are both still enthusiastic as we're doing a beginners course which is pitched at a good level for the pair of us. We're due to join the main group in another 2 weeks.

Problem: Although he's perfectly bright and his hearing is ok, he has a habit of 'switching off' very often. He does this at home and school. Especially if something isn't engaging him fully. And he's doing this in karate class too. He's zoning out and missing instructions, has to be called back to focus and/or is standing fiddling with his hair or belt or feet although he understands that this makes it appear he's not listening and is rude to the instructor. Class is only 1 hr.

Question 1: We'd hoped that karate would help with his concentration but he sorts of fades in and out through the class. Has anyone else had a kid who did this? Are there any techniques for keeping his attention? Or that he can learn?

Question 2: When we're in class, the instructors will call his name to get him back, but there are times I get so exasperated at his behaviour I give his sleeve a quick tug myself. Should I butt out totally, or 'help him out' if he's next to me and fidgeting?

Any advice would be gratefully received.

[Rateh]

To answer question #2 first. Ask your instructor. Different instructors have different preferences on this, and its best to ask the instructor what they would like you to do. Some instructors, such as myself, would prefer that you focus on being a student in class, and let them do the job of keeping your child on task. Others would welcome your help. So speak to your instructor.

On question #1. I see that you have only been training for 2 weeks, and that the class is an hour long. Based on this information, I am not surprised that he is having some difficulties in paying attention. Most kids his age have a hard time focusing for an entire hour, but if you give it some time he will grow into it.

One important thing though is, what are the ages of the other students? If the class is not being taught with a 7 year old in mind, he will always have some difficulty focusing in the class. My current instructor teaches classes with ages 8+. Most of the students 8-10 years old end up loosing focus during some parts of class, because she teaches the classes as though all of the students are at least 13. The 8-10 year olds get lost in the long explanations and the big words. That's why most schools separate kids and adults into separate classes.

[AndySike]

Make him stay there! My mom made me take karate and I wasn't all into it. Biggest mistake ever! 5 years later I'm taking the same class that I shoulda of been taking in the first place. I feel like an Iddiot.

[joesteph]

Problem: Although he's perfectly bright and his hearing is ok, he has a habit of 'switching off' very often. He does this at home and school. Especially if something isn't engaging him fully. And he's doing this in karate class too. He's zoning out and missing instructions, has to be called back to focus and/or is standing fiddling with his hair or belt or feet although he understands that this makes it appear he's not listening and is rude to the instructor. Class is only 1 hr.

Question 1: We'd hoped that karate would help with his concentration but he sorts of fades in and out through the class. Has anyone else had a kid who did this? Are there any techniques for keeping his attention? Or that he can learn?

Question 2: When we're in class, the instructors will call his name to get him back, but there are times I get so exasperated at his behaviour I give his sleeve a quick tug myself. Should I butt out totally, or 'help him out' if he's next to me and fidgeting?

Any advice would be gratefully received.

I'm going to assume that your nephew hasn't been examined by a developmental pediatrician, or some other professional, such as a behavioral therapist. You haven't mentioned hyperactivity, and fidgeting can be taken more seriously than it should be because you see a lack of focus, so that leaves open the question of Attention Deficit Disorder. One of the children at the dojang where my children study is a girl who was exhibiting such behavior at age eight, both in school and in the dojang, and the parents took it from there.

My own children, David and Patrick, twins who are age eight, are in the autistic spectrum, although David is more so than Patrick. David demonstrates the zoning out behavior in school and in the dojang, but in school both boys are in a special needs class, and in karate it's the same. Since you mentioned that you could give a tug on your nephew's sleeve, you're doing, in a sense, what I did; you are on the floor with him during class. (In my case, I assisted their teacher for two years on the floor, in their special needs karate class. They now no longer need me, although the boys are still in that class.)

It's best to focus on behavior that your nephew and my David have in common; it doesn't mean he's autistic or even has ADD, and since my sons are on the spectrum, they sometimes act just like any other eight year olds, and other times their autistic issues are manifest.

Here's the wrong way to direct David to a task: "Everybody is supposed to be at attention. David!"

Here's the right way: "David! Attention!"

Obviously, in the first example, he never focused on what was first said, and his attention was grabbed by his name being called--too late. He'll have to have the directive repeated, and that can get tedious. In the second, his name being called immediately got his attention, and then he focused on the directive. I realize that, in class that may be school or in the dojo, the directives that are given usually have no one's name called out; it's to the class as a whole. But with patience, some creative ways of popping his name in, and more patience, it can be done.

I understand the tug on the sleeve and I don't disagree with it. It has to be used sparingly, though, or else he'll be taught to be "prompted"; that is, he won't be focused unless signaled physically. If you're on good terms with the teacher so that s/he doesn't mind, you can repeat in a low voice, such as I've done (David! Attention!), if your nephew doesn't do as directed.

You might, if permitted by your teacher, break ranks to get him to perform as directed. I've done block and punch exercises with my boys, but sometimes have had to put my hands right on either David or Patrick to move the blocking arm, then the punching arm, etc. It starts the child off, and can only be done if you're beside or behind him.

You must also use the word "focus" where applicable.

None of this is easy, but I genuinely believe that karate has been of great aid to my children, and they have an actual autistic spectrum diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder--Not Otherwise Specified. Even if your nephew does not have ADD or an autistic spectrum diagnosis, and my children do not take medication, it doesn't hurt, and I believe it can help, to borrow from the way ADD and autistic spectrum children are handled.

Incidentally, that class is too long for such a young child. My boys have a diagnosis and have a half-hour class. The daughter of a parent that I referred to, above, has a forty-five minute class. I don't know what to say about the length of the class other than to discuss this with your teacher. It may be that in your teacher's experience, other students, likely young like your nephew, had breaks built in.

You are a good man to take such an interest in his nephew.

[DWx]

Joe has some great advice.

We did have an ADD boy in our class a few years back. Hid mum made it known the instructors he had problems focusing so every class the assistant would be there working with him and to prompt him in the same ways Joe said. Normally in class we line up in grade order so, as a beginner, this meant he was right at the back usually at the end of the lines. This was great if the assistant instructor was free to line up beside him but when she wasn't, he was moved up the lines so he could be surrounded with people and one of them could take over the prompting.

He definitely improved though. After a few months he could do the first form by himself and was picking up the Korean terminology too. Unfortunately we had to change venues and I think the new one was a bit too far away for his mum to bring him.

[GeoGiant]

We have 2 ADD kids in my school. When I met them they were heavily medicated. Those kids looked like zombies! You would talk to them and it was like they were looking through you.

Their parents have removed the drugs for some reason. Drug-less, these kids can bounce off the walls at times but now they look / act / react like kids.

I'm not making a statement either way for how to handle children, I'm just expressing what I experienced.

[joesteph]

They might have originally been diagnosed--or misdiagnosed--with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. The problem about dealing with very active children is that there may be a demand that they be as "controlled" as possible. If there's one diagnosis, such as ADD, then the scrutiny they're placed under may cause normal activity for a child (children can be little fireballs of energy) to be deemed as ADHD.

I have a nephew who, by age eight, just couldn't stay in his seat in school, and the concern of a combo with ADD was also a factor. I don't know that he wasn't diagnosed as borderline ADHD, but in his case, his parents decided to try a medication, and their doctor was more conservative about the dose. My nephew was never made into a zombie because he wasn't overmedicated, and at some point in his younger teenage years he was weaned off the medication.

[GeoGiant]

That is good to hear. i don't have kids so I have limited exposure.

Again, I didn't intend to pass to judgment, I was only sharing my experience. To be honest, those kids looking like zombies freaked me out. I guess I wasn't the only one freaked because they no longer look medicated.

Good luck to you and yours.