Intimidation by physical appearance

[GeoGiant]

I was reading the “if you was in a fight today” thread and it got me thinking about dealing with the fear that is created by someone’s appearance. I’m not talking about a person that is 6.5 feet tall (about 2 meters), 250 pounds & covered with tattoos verses a 98 pound weakling. I’m talking about persons of average height and weight with different outward appearances – say a biker look verses polo shits & kaki shorts.

Recently I’ve been toying with the idea of an amateur mma fight. In my part of the US, amateur mma fights have rules that dictate –

(1) no elbows,

(2) when on the ground no head shots, only body shots

(3) No restriction on submissions,

(4) A match is 3, 2 minute rounds with 1 minute between rounds.

(5) Scoring is similar to UFC fights.

There is some good banging that goes on at these fights but I’ve never seen anything that I thought was out of hand. The promoters are really good about pairing height / weight of the fighters. Most people fight from a particular school so the instructors make sure that you face a guy with a similar amount of training / experience. Again, these matches always seem fair.

Anyway, I went to an amateur mma fight the other night, by myself, with the intent of assessing if this was something that I could really do. I sat on the side of the convention center where the fighters where preparing before the fights. I was really sizing these guys up. Most of these guys looked really rough & tough – neck tattoos, shaved heads, some had gang colors. Truth be told I was intimidated by guys that were smaller than me (not that size means everything). As I watched some of these guys fight, I started to wonder why I was intimidated because these guys were not showing me anything skill-wise that scared me. Again, not to take anything away from any fighter because it takes guts to get in the ring and it takes nothing to sit outside the ring and assess but I didn’t feel like my skill level was that far from being competitive for my weight class.

I grew up in larger city and was exposed to all types of people yet I was still intimidated by physical appearance. After the fights I saw some of these guys again and my perception had changed. I no longer saw tattoos, shaved heads, chains and black boots… I saw guys that were shorter and skinnier than me with middle of the road skills. Again I know that you can’t base everything on size but there is a big difference between facing a guy and feeling like, “I can take him” and facing a guy and feeling slightly intimated by his appearance. There was one guy in particular that was scary has hell looking. I watched this guy warm up and I was feeling happy that I wasn’t facing him. This guy fought very similar to me and he ended up losing (his ground game was weak… as is mine). When I saw this guy after the fight I wasn’t thinking I could kick his butt, I was assessing him as a fighter,,,, the outward appearance was gone.

Has anyone else experience this feeling? Am i being intimidated by appearance or was i being intimidated by the prospect of actually fighting?

[JiuJitsuNation]

In my experience the guys with the most intimidating appearances offer the least amount of skill. I've learned this in life and competition. I like to compete in open divisions and the smallest most unsuspecting guys where the most technical and offer the most challenge. Our emotional response to someones appearance is what tv and others have ingrained in us. A rabbit may have never seen a hawk in it's life, but when it does it has an emotional response that will save it's life. We are much the same.

[GeoGiant]

In my experience the guys with the most intimidating appearances offer the least amount of skill. I've learned this in life and competition. I like to compete in open divisions and the smallest most unsuspecting guys where the most technical and offer the most challenge. Our emotional response to someones appearance is what tv and others have ingrained in us. A rabbit may have never seen a hawk in it's life, but when it does it has an emotional response that will save it's life. We are much the same.

Its funny that you responded first because it was your comment that made me post this thread.

So your saying experience changes you perception...? So are we talking about reprogramming, as in, when I see someone that tries to look intimating I associate that with weakness?

Right now i see my perception of someone's outward appearance as a weakness. I can't line up across from someone and let them get in my head because the "look" scary.

[sensei8]

How one looks on the outside has never beaten anybody, it's just a look! Never, ever judge a book by its cover! How one looks from the outside, doesn't always speak at all about what's in the inside. Having said that, I wouldn't ignore any possibility until the truth is discovered. Then I'd give them the respect that was due to that! For example, if they look strong, and then its discovered that they truly are strong, one had better respect that strength, or one will pay a hefty price for ignoring that strength.

Edited June 6, 2010 by sensei8

[JiuJitsuNation]

I can't line up across from someone and let them get in my head because the "look" scary.

Exactly!

At the same time you never know who you are looking at. And you may have that response for the rest of your life. The key is to be aware that you are having an emotional response and why. Then you can talk yourself through to finding out whats beneath that appearance. There are exceptions to what I've seen. The largest of opponents are usually the least technical. But not all of them. I wouldn't reprogram to see them differently just know that it is not a sign of things to come. (in competition) now on the street if you see this profile and consistent colors you may want to avoid those individuals.

[mr_obvious]

In my experience the guys with the most intimidating appearances offer the least amount of skill.

Two examples: Brock Lesnar and Kimbo Slice. If I were caught in a confrontation with someone resembling either of these guys, you can bet I'm doing whatever possible to talk them down or ESCAPE! I wouldn't need to see any skill demonstration, lolz.

[Lupin1]

I tend to be more intimidated by sporty looking people than by strong looking people. If someone's skinny and looks athletic, I just feel like they pose more of a threat to me than a big person. Then again, I'm a big person (well, average height, but pretty large and muscular for a woman).

[Kuma]

It's all about perception and self-confidence. The initial shock of the average military or rookie cop who experiences his first taste of what it's like to have someone yell at them in a threatening manner is related to these two. Once you're aware of what to perceive, the threat becomes less so. Once you're confident in your own abilities, again the fear lessens.

Intimidation can also be a powerful weapon in your own tool kit. The classic story of Sokon Matsumura defeating his opponent with just his penetrating gaze is a perfect example of this.

[JiuJitsuNation]

Looks can be defeating if you allow the thought they are better than you to creep in your mind. As For Brock knowing his back ground is intimidating but i'll take a 20 minute shot at him at the Abu Dhabis. As for Kimbo Slice he has zero skill or ability. He is a novelty. And the ufc is done with him for that reason.

I often intimidate most opponents in competition. You can feel them fold. It's easy to read people and know when they have doubt. It's part of being a good competitor.

This carries over into everyday life. Some individual wants to be hard and intimidate everyone around him. This is easy to see. Most people respond defensively and play the roll back. But one glance into the eyes a real ability to real body language and listen to affirmations instead of whats being said or portrayed will tell all.

Now not everyone has this ability and i'm not sure all can acquire it. My wife i'm convinced will forever be oblivious to people and their intentions. LOL Bless her sweet face.

[bushido_man96]

Taller people used to give me this intimidated feeling. Being short, it has always bugged me being paired with taller guys. But now, if I know someone has some skill on the ground, that bothers me more than anything.