Have you ever been the target of a bully?

[Martialart]

Since we're all anonymous here, I was wondering if anyone could share a story about being bullied, and how, if at all you dealt with it (even if unsuccessfully).

If you teach martial arts, have you ever specifically helped someone who was targeted by bullies?

What advice (anyone) would you give to someone who is being bullied?

Thanks to anyone brave enough to talk about it. I know it can dig up some really painful feelings.

[mr_obvious]

I'm sure most everybody was at some point in their formative years. Grade school is more about drama, then education....

Heh, all the "bullies" in the 3429763243874 different schools I attended, would try and push my buttons, but being the fat kid who could lift car rearends with his bare hands, and leg press more that the sleds could hold -- not too many of them actually tried anything physical with me

[Sibylla]

I think the best advice when it comes to bullies, is to not be around them. If the bullying involves kids, schools here only do so much (as in not enough). It's not easy to solve for parents either because it means that you as a parent asks the other family to deal with what causes their kid to be a bully.

For adults that gets bullied in the workplace, dojo etc..don't engage or remove yourself from the situation. Imo bullying of adults is often a result of bad leadership, a culture that is allowed to grow. And that's not easy for one person to change.

"Setting a bully straight" by some well chosen words or other action, is from what I've seen, more based on fantasy than reality. It's what Dilbert says "Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down and beat you with experience".

My outlook may sound bleak but I think it's important to choose who we spend energy on. Give it to the good people.

[Martialart]

I'm sure most everybody was at some point in their formative years. Grade school is more about drama, then education....

Heh, all the "bullies" in the 3429763243874 different schools I attended, would try and push my buttons, but being the fat kid who could lift car rearends with his bare hands, and leg press more that the sleds could hold -- not too many of them actually tried anything physical with me

Did you ever bully anyone?

[Martialart]

I know this is a very sensitive subject for most people, especially if they have become bigger through martial arts. It may be something they want to forget.

Edited May 24, 2010 by Martialart

[Martialart]

I think the best advice when it comes to bullies, is to not be around them. If the bullying involves kids, schools here only do so much (as in not enough). It's not easy to solve for parents either because it means that you as a parent asks the other family to deal with what causes their kid to be a bully.

For adults that gets bullied in the workplace, dojo etc..don't engage or remove yourself from the situation. Imo bullying of adults is often a result of bad leadership, a culture that is allowed to grow. And that's not easy for one person to change.

"Setting a bully straight" by some well chosen words or other action, is from what I've seen, more based on fantasy than reality. It's what Dilbert says "Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down and beat you with experience".

My outlook may sound bleak but I think it's important to choose who we spend energy on. Give it to the good people.

In some situations, I'm sure that would work. In many situations with bullies, though, avoiding them is impossible, and that's the problem.

[mr_obvious]

I'm sure most everybody was at some point in their formative years. Grade school is more about drama, then education....

Heh, all the "bullies" in the 3429763243874 different schools I attended, would try and push my buttons, but being the fat kid who could lift car rearends with his bare hands, and leg press more that the sleds could hold -- not too many of them actually tried anything physical with me

Did you ever bully anyone?

No way. Funny how things work out though..... The fat (although robustly strengthed) kid grows up to harness his "inner athlete." Going on to slim down / bulk up, train in martial arts, and even start a fitness side business.

Of course, I never got into martial arts for self-defense. I work on a secured facility (complete with fully-equipped SWAT team), and carry a G21 while away from the office. Rather, I find much more benefit in the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of the MAs. In the dojo, it's pretty hard to be anywhere mentally, but in the dojo; and if nothing else, is a great way to get 1/2 the week's allowance of cardio

[DWx]

I was bullied for a while in primary school. Although not in the strictest sense as I didn't really feel victimised by it, more irritated than anything else. My mum's side of the family are Chinese so I used to get picked on as a kid for that. Just name calling and stupid attempts at trying to "speak" Chinese to me. There was a thing when I was about 14 or 15 where I upset one of the school bullies. They started on me after school once about the whole Chinese thing and something to do with walking in their space or whatever and threatened to break my legs. I kinda let my mouth run away; said something sarcastic and invited them to try (been training in TKD for 4 years then so had delusions about being unbeatable). Anyway they just walked away. It wasn't a big deal though and I just walked home a slightly different way for about a week to avoid aggravating the situation.

If anything I think TKD definitely helped me overcome bullying as it gave me so much confidence. I thought I could sort of defend myself and once you remove that worry about being physically beaten up you just have to deal with the verbal abuse and that never really bothered me. You know, I think most bullies target the weaker or different people because they have this vulnerability about them so once you overcome that its so much easier to deal with the bullies.

As for helping someone who is targeted by bullies, I usually do because I know what its like to be there (as a kid anyway) and its just one of those things that really peeves me. Actually I sorted out one of kids at TKD the other week who was bullying the other kids. He was boasting to all the other kids he was the best sparrer there and kept smacking some of the others on the head and in the arm saying their reflexes weren't good enough. Didn't realise I was there so I told him I'd spar him in class and the we'd see how good his reflexes were. In short, I didn't hit him hard as he must be only 13 or 14 but I didn't let up, he ended up crying. Which I felt really bad for but I think he learnt a lesson in humility and was an excellent student for the rest of class.

Edited May 25, 2010 by DWx

[bushido_man96]

I was bullyed as a child, and it flat sucks. It eventually went away, but I can think of several times where if I could go back, I'd take a bat with me...

Now, its something that I consider seriously with my kids. I don't want my kids to cause trouble, but if trouble comes looking for them, I want them to be able to stand their ground, and, if need be, to fight. I've told my oldest that if she gets in trouble for "standing up for herself" in school, then she should let me know, and I'll address the teachers/principles myself.

[sensei8]

I was bullied a lot in the 1st grade. My lunch money was stolen from me every single day. This bullying eventually lead me to start taking karate. The bullying never stopped until I stood up to the bullies and I defended myself effectively...that took awhile because my MA skills were nothing, but I improved and that's when the bullying stopped.

I've told my kids that they should never start a fight. If they're being bullied, then they should tell the school about it and let the school deal with it. Yet, if they're bullied and there's no way to avoid the bully(s) and/or get away from them. Then by all means, defend themselves to the best of their abilities. If in the course of them protecting themselves from the bully, and the bully gets a bloody nose, and my child gets in trouble with the school, then I'll talk with the school. I'm not going to punish my kids for protecting themselves. My kids also know that in the course of defending themselves, and there's an opportunity to run away from the bully(s), then do just that, run!

If my child starts the fight. Then they've some explaining to do to me as to why.