More Testing/Evals Coming Up!

[still kicking]

So, next week (Tues and Wed evening) is testing and evaluation time again. We all get evaluated, which means... you participate whether or not you are ready to test. I just made 2nd kyu the last time (4 mos. ago), and am totally not expecting to get promoted to 1st kyu this time. I still have 4 more weapons kata to test on before I can test for shodan-ho, so there's no hurry to get to 1st kyu in open hand -- if there ever is... a philosophical question, I suppose.

I usually love participating in evaluations when I am not expecting to get promoted. It's less pressure, and frees me up to just to my best. I realize that ideally it is always that way, but come on, when we have already gone through one or more tries at the same level, it's hard to not let the pressure build up. Anyway, this time, honestly, I just feel really tired. I was even tempted to just sit this one out -- make an excuse that I am sick or something -- though I have never missed one before. I think it's important for me to be there as one of the higher ranking colored belt students, but really, it sure is a strain to go through those.

Oh well, it's all good practice for the shodan-ho and shodan, which take place in our organization headquarters as opposed to the home dojo. That's still a couple of years away, and at least I'm playing to a friendly crowd. Maybe I'm just sleep deprived right now.

[Jeffrey]

I agree. It is good to go to gradings even though you are not grading. I enjoy the work out. It's a great a chance to display your skills with out the preasure. Just relax and enjoy it.

[still kicking]

Relax, you say! Ha ha ha ha ha.

Sorry, I got carried away!

[still kicking]

So, I am trying to figure out why I get so nervous in testing situations. Of course everyone does, to some extent, and some amount of nerves helps us do better. I remember reading interviews with some very famous actors or performers who said they still got stage fright and got sick to their stomach before a performance. I don't have it quite that bad, but I think the problem is that at some fundamental level, if I am feeling good about where I am at in my karate, and think I am ready for the next level, and my teacher doesn't promote me, I just feel worthless. I sometimes feel angry, humiliated, disgusted -- the feelings can be very intense. It has gotten better in some ways, but on the other hand, the expectations become much higher as the ranks get higher, so it's kind of a receding horizon in terms of being relaxed and comfortable.

What seems to help me the most is to tell myself to take my time, be in my body, and breathe. (The taking my time thing refers to kata performance, because I tend to rush things when I am nervous. I do not try to take my time in sparring or most other things). I am trying to focus on these things in class this week, getting ready for next week.

Wow, I wish I could be some kind of enlightened Buddha-like person, who was not concerned with how I looked to others, or "rank" or social status or wanting approval and respect from others. I am not there yet.

[Patrick]

Good luck with your test, still kicking.

It's normal to be nervous. I may not be a martial artist, but I am a public speaker. And someone relatively new to it.

My first speaking engagement was in March of 2008 and it was at a conference that is probably one of (if not) the most notable for the web tech/social media space. It was the first time I've ever got on stage and spoken in front of anyone before. In my life.

I did alright. Since then, I've spoken 11 more times at 7 more events, including that same first one two more times. I have three more engagements scheduled for the rest of this year with hopefully more on the way. (I have 2 in the next 8 days, actually).

My talks are about what I know. So, I have the knowledge there, which is probably the case with you, as well. The nerves just come from the moment, the crowd and wanting to do well and deliver value.

I'll always get nervous. That's a good thing. It means I care. But, one thing that I try to put in my mind, in any situation where I am nervous or outside of my comfort zone is: I have two choices.

On one hand, I can stay where I am right now and do what I've already done. I can be comfortable. On the other hand, if I ever want to be something greater than what I am now, if I ever want to get better, I need to do this. And if I am going to do it, I may as well give it my best.

So, I plan and I prepare. But, when it comes time, it's just you, your knowledge and whatever structure/preparation you can maintain. I take a deep breath, step out on stage and start talking. Speak slow, don't go too fast, keep an eye on the clock. And go.

Hopefully this is interesting or helpful to someone. Again, good luck.

Thanks,

Patrick

[Sibylla]

If you feel tired, maybe need a break. Despite how much we like what we do some times it can be too much and we need a mental rest.

Personally I think that gradings should be predictable in their form, as in testing what the student has been training. The result should also be fairly easy to predict. If it isn't, the grading is about something else than your training. So if you feel good about where you are, but can't get that confirmation from your teacher before the grading, my take on the grading would be that it's out of your hands, you can and should try as hard as you can, but the end result is still uncertain. And if it's so, why get worked up about it?

[still kicking]

Sibylla wrote:

If you feel tired, maybe need a break.

Why is it that sometimes the most obvious things aren't obvious? I think I have been pushing too hard, and you're right, I do need a break. This morning I am skipping class, and doing web searches on fitness clubs in my area, with the idea of taking a month or two off from karate and just doing fitness stuff. I have been training pretty much without a break for more than 4 years, and it's just too intense sometimes. I probably won't even do this, but it gives me a bit of a mental break just to know that it's an option.

As far as "testing" -- it is an all school "evaluation", but it's testing as well. In other words, if we are ready to promote at that time we will, but everyone is supposed to be in it regardless of whether you're ready for the next rank. I know I'm not ready because people normally stay at my level for 6 months to a year, and it's only been 4 months. Plus I think I just need improvement before moving on. I totally know what is expected of me, it's just that it's a rather gruelling process and I don't feel like doing it. This is not a good attitude, I have never felt this way before! But anyway, either I will do it or not, in the end it's not all that important. Thanks for the words of wisdom.

[mr_obvious]

Why is it that sometimes the most obvious things aren't obvious?

Being an expert on the subject, I can tell you that's just how it is

BTW, I love the concept of evaluating a school as whole, rather than "testing." If someone's ready for a promotion, and subsequent introduction to new material (techniques, kata, etc), this should be apparent in the course of practical observation.

[Patrick]

Being an expert on the subject, I can tell you that's just how it is

:lol: