Control/safety/approach to sparring

[Sibylla]

I'm fairly new to kickboxing, but have sparred in other arts such as karate, and jj.

The other night I was sparring with someone who made some comments in the middle of sparring about my expression being "too serious" and then later launched some uncontrolled kicks, one basically in the face/eye area and another across the back. We use no headgear. No harm done, but I have a little "that was not quite good.." feeling about it. My guess is that I should go way slower, work on defense and just pick a little here and there. My guess is also that it will draw some negative comments. But should I care? What do you think?

[WireFrame]

I don't do kickboxing but here's my thoughts.

Who launched the uncontrolled kicks? You or the other person? Either way I wouldn't worry about the expression comment really, unless it's a sign that you're becoming too agressive during the bout (yes I know it's sparring, but there's sparring and sparring).

I wouln't start holding back too much either, enjoy your personal style and ENJOY the sparring*. But work on control and pulling kicks that are going to cause serious damage if they hit.

*For some reason I often end up smiling, win or lose. Once it was referred to as "scary" haha, I guess I do enjoy it.

[joesteph]

I'm fairly new to kickboxing, but have sparred in other arts such as karate, and jj.

Then you have experience to fall back on in judging what happened.

The other night I was sparring with someone who made some comments in the middle of sparring about my expression being "too serious" and then later launched some uncontrolled kicks . . .

Do you think he was trying to psych you out? Make you feel self-conscious so he could lash out at you and have you feel you're to blame?

Are you new to your school and he's been there for awhile? Has he some sort of rep as the Alpha Dog? Or that he thinks he is? Are you, an experienced person, seen as a threat to him?

I'm not kidding about the "Alpha Dog" comment. I ran into a problem last year with a wiseguy who I think felt he was exactly that. I told him off and spoke with my teacher twice. She arranged it so that we no longer worked together, and I don't remember the last time he attended class.

I suggest you don't hold back from speaking with your instructor about those improper strikes. S/he may be unaware of them, or may even have seen them but with no complaints may think that you like to spar rough.

Set the record straight, Sibylla. You're not fodder to feed his ego.

[Sibylla]

Wireframe: The other person was throwing the kicks. I'm serious when I spar because I'm focused, my comes from the process, working on various stuff...

Joesteph: You're probably right about the alpha, psych out thing. I'm relatively new to the dojo, and also I haven't trained with her or that instructor before.

I think I'm a bit hopeless when it comes to standing up for myself...any good phrases I can memorize and propel at them at the right moment?

[joesteph]

I think I'm a bit hopeless when it comes to standing up for myself...any good phrases I can memorize and propel at them at the right moment?

Stop sparring and speak loudly and firmly, "Would you mind exercising some control?" If the other tries to say it was your fault, respond loudly and firmly as you shake your head, "I really don't appreciate you trying to play the victim," and call for your instructor.

Assert your thoughts with, "My understanding is that we're sparring in a martial arts school, not having a brawl."

Another would be, "If you're trying to assert yourself that you're the alpha student in the class, I'm not impressed." (Or, "If she's trying to assert herself . . .")

No matter what the other person says, you can respond with, "Since you obviously lack control when sparring, perhaps you and I shouldn't be sparring together at all."

Don't be afraid to bring up the initial incident and don't worry that others will hear you. Remember that others may have already been on the receiving end of this individual, and may be glad someone is standing up to her.

And don't try to make her admit she's wrong, Sibylla. That's a dead end.

[Sibylla]

Thank you very much! I tend to get lost for words in such situations, so it's good for me to have recipe that will be the response.

[Tiger1962]

Whenever I would spar, I would have a real serious face on and I'd get comments either from the assistant or the teacher about it. It's just me, and it doesn't mean I'm flipping out or going crazy. Still, they'd bring it up every time and made me self conscious about it. It's like being really engrossed in what you do - and it shows on your face. That's it - harmless.

Some people want to make a mountain out of a molehill though.

On a separate note, sometimes I'd be sparring with this guy in class who was way taller and bigger than I, and he had a really bad "contact" problem. I'd go home achy & bruised and also have some chronic injuries because of this guy. In class, I'd have to constantly call him on his excessive contact, but he'd dismiss it, like I was being too sensitive. Then, I'd notice when he would spar with my husband, if my husband took the same approach to him, he'd always whine and complain about my husband for the same reason! I mean, if you can't take it - don't dish it out, that's my belief.

I'd say something to your instructor and would expect them to rectify the situation.

[Sibylla]

Tiger1962: Yes, I just don't get why people make such comments, imo it's their problem if they don't like my expression.

I sparred with someone else last session, an older experienced guy and it was great. Quite a bit of contact but nothing "wild". I've noticed that women seem to only pair up with women though..

Yesterday the dojo was open for bag work, and I managed to sprain my calf. So I guess I will be out for a while.

[Lee M]

You can never have be too serious when sparring.

I wonder if trying too hard is maybe whan the person meant.

You have to empty your mind and focu on nothing so you can just react.

[bushido_man96]

Being serious is important in sparring. Being too aggressive can be an issue, especially when it comes down to no one is learning anything. I'd say if you feel the need to be a bit more defensive in sparring, especially to keep from being injured, then that's what you have to do. I'd also say that if the environment you train is such that you run a higher risk of being injured every day, then it may be prudent to find a different school to train in.