Embarrassed but need advice

[the phoenix]

I'm not sure this is the right spot for this post and I have been debating asking for a little while but I could use some feedback.

I have been attending a self defense class while I look for an appropriate style/school and have twice now had a bad reaction to some of the lessons.

I am mortified to admit it but while working on breaking a choke hold I fainted. I was not in any way actually being choked.

then a few days later working on another technique I freaked out and lashed out at my partner and gave him a nasty black eye.

I am beyond embarrassed and am not sure how to handle myself. I didn't get much feedback from my instructor who clearly didn't know what to say and I feel horrible for hitting my partner.

Does anyone have any experience working through something like this or any suggestions?

[joesteph]

I remember taking a course in the past called "Street Survival," Phoenix, and one of the techniques we were working on was what to do if bear hugged from behind. It was a simple maneuver, seizing the little finger of the "attacker" and bending it just enough to have your attacker/partner let go of the hold. One of the guys I was working with had a panic response and wrenched my finger (in an actual attack you'd wrench or break it). I just accepted what he'd done, with our instructor reemphasizing to everyone how to do the finger-seize without causing injury.

Some people just react that way, and desensitizing--in the case I cited by doing the technique slowly and repeatedly--is probably the best way for someone to control overreaction.

Would you describe yourself as an anxious person? Are you a physically small person? Was there bullying in your background? These are contributing factors that may set you off even in a practice situation. Would you feel more comfortable taking private lessons first, and then a self-defense course with different students?

[the phoenix]

I guess you could say I'm physically small ( maybe not so much after the Holiday!)

Even though I am a small female I have never before been bullied and have never been anything but secure and confident.

I have to admit to being a little timid after my "unfortunate incident"

I am having trouble adjusting to my new way of reacting/over reacting to any situation where I feel trapped and I am afraid this will hinder my training. Maybe private lessons are the way to go.

[KarateGeorge]

Well, from what you've described of your incident of having been attacked in other posts, I would think it would be natural to have anxiety during training and either freeze up or over react. I've not been in your situation, so I can only speak from "head knowledge" and not personal experience, but I would think its something that the only way to get past it is to keep training to defend yourself. As you build confidence in yourself, the moments of fear, timidity, or over reaction should start to go away.

I'd say just keep sticking wth it. Like Joesteph said, take the techniques slowly, and think carefully through your responses.

[WireFrame]

You might be better off in a martial arts class for a while before doing the self defence thing again, since (at least in the dojo I train in) one of the biggest things you can learn is control. Once you've experienced a martial arts class for a few months you'll be in a more relaxed or controlled state to appropriately (and safely!) practice real-life self defence techniques.

[JusticeZero]

Make sure to mention to your future training partners that you're having some fear reactions that you are having a hard time controlling, and that if you start panicking you need a few seconds to regain your composure for both of yours' safety. Step away, recenter, move back and reformat the scene in your head before going back to start again.

[the phoenix]

Thanks for the suggestions!

I think I need to work on my patience and get into some private lessons.Perhaps I push for too much too soon. I am so use to doing things without thought or difficulty that it is hard to accept my own limitations sometimes.

A "disclaimer" to my partners is a good idea...I still feel really bad about that and my elbow hurts!

Happy New Year!!

The Phoenix

[Sokusen]

Go slower. I don't think private lessons are needed. You just need to work at your own pace. Slow the technique down and inform your partner to slow the attack down. You need to learn the technique (that includes control) before practicing at full speed. It takes time but once you feel comfortable with the technique you are applying then ramp up the intensity. You have to learn to walk before you run. Hopefully your instructor has already suggested this to you, if not then find a new instructor.

[the phoenix]

I am in fact looking for another school but have not come up with the right combination yet. I am a little discouraged.

[KarateGeorge]

I am in fact looking for another school but have not come up with the right combination yet. I am a little discouraged.

If you're looking for another school because you're feeling frustrated with your progress, I'd say give it some more time. Take things slowly and study the techniques you're being taught carefully. It'll come with time. Every person who studies martial arts has found themselves at a point where they were frustrated over difficulties trying to learn techniques or just hitting general roadblocks that they've had a hard time getting past....probably multiple times. Just stick with it and before you know it, you'll be able to look back on your frustration with a great sense of accomplishment.

If on the other hand, you're looking for another school because now that you've gotten a few weeks into their classes, you've found its not the right system for you, the instructors are mediocre teachers, or there are personality clashes, then by all means, find the right school before you get too far involved with them. A few weeks of bad teaching can be easily corrected by a good instructor. A few years of bad teaching is difficult to overcome, as bad habits are ingrained in the student by that point.

Best of luck!