Instructors having favorite students

[Blade96]

i was wondering what you think of this.

do you instructors out there have favorites? why did you pick so-and-so as your fave student(s)?

do you think its al right for senseis to have favorites?

I was wondering because my sensei told my parents, who attended my shotokan competition on dec 12, that I am one of his and the other sensei's fave students. Over the past 3 months he paid me a lot of attention, attention he never paid to his other students. for example he would compliment me on my preforming the blocks and punches in front of everyone. Never saw him do that with anyone else (and I attended every class and was never late i think i was the only one in the whole dojo who never missed a class ) He is always complimenting me. calling me 'his girl' and physically helping me with my techniques (he'd hold my leg when i was practicing kicks) he never did that with anyone else. Also physically affectionate, rubbing my back and touching my shoulder. At the competition he rubbed my back in front of my parents. On our last class before christmas holidays, he hugged me and kissed my cheek when i gave him a christmas card. called me his girl again. Both of the senseis are like this. affectionate. mostly with me though. there was only once i saw one of my senseis hug someone else. just one time.

No, he never did anything inappropriate or anything, neither of them do or did. I'm writing this because I'm wondering if you think its fine for sensei's to have fave students. and how do they pick them. i mean its not like im a 3rd or 2nd kyu or even a sho dan. I'm not even a 8th kyu (havent had my test yet) so why would they pick me as their fave? Yes, its true I'm wildly mad and passionate over shotokan and someone told me that instructors love enthusiasm but idk if that can be it. after all - we all are enthusiastic! Thats why most people here have been in it for years and there's only 3 white belts - me and 2 guys. (i'm the only girl white belt.) we all love it!

Its not like I mind, because I am very fond of them, I equally adore and love them too. Just wondering if some of you might be able to help me sort it out or at least understand. with all those higher belts they have, why would my senseis pick a 3 month - almost 4 month now - white belt as one of their faves? and i'm just a little white belt. go figure.

and is it ok for teachers to have faves? and do any of you instruuctors on this board have them?

[JusticeZero]

Sounds just a little odd.. taken without any inflection to it, it's just maybe that you respond well to teaching. I'm not sure that you don't have some feelings on the matter from how that was worded, though..? Imagine you were someone else and read what you wrote from different eyes. Maybe i'm just being overly sensitive, though. It seemed like there was some back and forth in your description.

I tend to push and encourage students who ask questions, personally. The ones who show up, do their workout, then wander off, not so much.

[WireFrame]

In my club the teachers can't help but know when someone is or isn't giving their all, and so eventually they end up devoting a little more energy to the ones who're really working hard.

[sensei8]

I've no favorite students! For me, it's like having a favorite child and I don't have a favorite child; I love them all equally.

The reason I don't have a favorite student(s) is because that would violate the instructor maxim. Yes, I'm aware of which student(s) are training/practicing harder than others, but, I push them ALL equally hard.

Testing, for example, can't ever be decided by favoritisim...it just can't exist! During a testing cycle: I don't know the student(s)! During a testing cycle, my student(s) are strangers to me and I keep it strictly business; pass or fail isn't based on whom they are as individuals and what they may or may not mean to me: They're nothing...they're just a body.

Harsh? No, not for me. I've got to remember that I'm their Sensei and in that, I've a responsibility to myself, to my Dai-Soke/Sensei, to my Hombu, to every Shindokan practitioner, and to my students. That responsibility dictates that I must be totally and completely impartial across the board concerning every past, present, and future Shindokan karateka; student of mine or not!

Favoritisim only fogs up the Dojo! I don't allow it, therefore, I don't need a life boat to rescue me because my integrity cuts right through the fog! Clear sailings and only clear sailings!

[ninjanurse]

I have a few thoughts on this:

I "adore" all my students but I don't play favorites. Everyone gets the attention they need based on their own strengths and weaknesses....and I realize that it may feel to others that they are getting "special attention" but that is not the case-appearances can be deceiving.

And, while it is important to know the line and never cross it with a student, there are those that, through their own hard work and effort, aspire to higher goals that should be supported as passionately as they are sought after.

Physical touch is OK as long as it is appropriate for the situation, i.e., correcting a hand or foot position, giving a handshake or friendly hug in greeting, placing a supporting hand on a students shoulder when things are not going their way, etc. Kissing on the cheek is not on the list!

The student-teacher relationship is very important to the learning process and those that fail to recognize this may not be as effective as they could be.

That being said, I am a bit uncomfortable reading about your situation Blade-I would trust your "instincts" here and follow up on a situation that obviously has you concerned by talking with your parents.

[joesteph]

Blade, I agree with JusticeZero's observation, "Imagine you were someone else and read what you wrote from different eyes." I would also pay particular attention to what ninjanurse, an adult woman, said, "I am a bit uncomfortable reading about your situation Blade," and her advice to talk with your parents.

As for me, I've been teaching in an all-girls academy for thrirty-five years, now. I'm fortunate to have a good rapport with my students without all the "touchy-feely" that's being expressed by your sensei.

You sound young, and I don't like the regularity of attention that I believe an older female would not accept.

[Blade96]

"I tend to push and encourage students who ask questions, personally. The ones who show up, do their workout, then wander off, not so much."

In my club the teachers can't help but know when someone is or isn't giving their all, and so eventually they end up devoting a little more energy to the ones who're really working hard.

well its true that the other 2 white belts have more of a meh attitude towards it (ok, a lot more) and while they do like it, they just show up most of the time, train, and leave. sometimes they just dont show up at all, while I came to every class, train, and stayed behind to chat with the senseis about the lesson or anything shotokanny (funakoshi and his philosophy, Tsuruoka (often called the 'father'of Karate in Canada) are favorite subjects. I also am quick to learn the names of movements in japanese so rather than say upper rising block I'll say jodan age uke (something the other 2 white belts never do) and can count 2 ten in japanese (something even the brown belts sometimes have trouble with) sometimes i joke that the senseis must be getting tired of my endless questions "sensei, why.....?" Haha. No. quite the opposite, as I have posted in this thread. i just joke about that. I love philosophy, and so while I love learning how to fight i also love the spirituality and philosophical 'way' of it. the 'do' part. the combat life, and the character perfection part.

at the competition, my white belt friend, who I beat in kata, I did hear him say that he thought he might not compete because 'white belts cant sparr' The senseis know what they are doing and so they dont allow white belts to sparr, not in competition, because we are just little white belts. I knew that wasnt a very good attitude to take, i know a lot of people take karate cause they like the idea of fighting and when they dont fight it turns them off. Me, I love it all. I love kata and kumite and kihons equally.

Its also true that when we are being taught by a black belt (or anybody tbh) I ask a lot more questions that the other white belts. I'm far and away THE most talkative of us. Not a word of a lie. lol.

Blade, I agree with JusticeZero's observation, "Imagine you were someone else and read what you wrote from different eyes." I would also pay particular attention to what ninjanurse, an adult woman, said, "I am a bit uncomfortable reading about your situation Blade," and her advice to talk with your parents.

As for me, I've been teaching in an all-girls academy for thrirty-five years, now. I'm fortunate to have a good rapport with my students without all the "touchy-feely" that's being expressed by your sensei.

You sound young, and I don't like the regularity of attention that I believe an older female would not accept.

I am young. I'm just 31. I train at an all adult dojo. They teach adults. My senseis are in their 60's and both of them are 6th dans. I asked my parents to come because they wanted to see me compete anyway. (they did the same thing for my bro who's five years older, when he was playing with his band at clubs and such and when they won an award a couple of years ago.) Other than that my parents dont have anything to do with my Karate career (they would if I were a child though but I'm not) I pay for karate myself, they have nothing to do with it.

As I said, I cant pin the senseis for anything as they never touched me inappropriately or treated me inappropriately and I said that to my parents. I said I adore the senseis and they adore me. I was just wondering if it was ok for a sensei to have a favorite and why they would pick me to be one of them. Maybe it is my passion and love for the art. but as i said, most are higher belts and they all love it, otherwise they wouldnt be training for years. They even say they love it. The black belts in the group really enjoy teaching you can tell by the way they act. I just dont see how I am any different that they would pick me as one of their faves.

I did hug my sensei the first time i did the hugging - but that was different. that was a triumphant thank you hug just after the competition, when i had just been awarded a gold medal (and top marks) for my Heian Shodan.

If I was concerned at all (and ok sometimes I felt just a little uncomfortable by the attention) it was because i wondered what the other students (most of whom are my friends now even the black belts) would think. would they resent it that Sensei complimented me in front of them on my preformances in class while practicing blocks and kicks and never gave them the same treatment? that senseis treat me as special? Thats just one example.

[Adam_XKT]

I try to never single out students when I'm teaching. If I'm asking questions, I'll try to get a response out of everybody and not just one person.

Obviously, the ones who can perform what their instructors want might not get looked at as much. They seem to know what they are doing, so the instructor looks at others more closely to make sure they have the moves down. It's like a reverse favoritism. They might not need as much guidance, so you know it might be easier for the both of you in class, while a struggling student provides more of a challenge.

However, even those who perform well aren't even my favorites sometimes. I like genuine people, so I don't like when people suck up. With several people in our program, I feel like they suck up and attend everything they can so they can please those who can promote them. It's obvious the person might have talent, but a lot of times I just have this bad vibe coming from a person or two.

Overall I'd say it's not right that your teachers single you out. If you think it's a problem, talk to them or your other white belts and say, "Hey, just wanted you guys to know I'm not out to show you guys up or anything."

[KarateGeorge]

Well, teachers are people, so it's natural that they're going to find that they like certain students over others for various reasons, such as personalities, attitudes about training and towards other students, natural abilities at their art, or whatever.

However, that being said, liking certain students more than others doesn't mean they should be providing favoritism with those students. Just because a teacher finds that they may like certain students over others, they should not treat them any differently. "Special treatment" should have no place in the dojo or related activities, such as tournaments, etc.

If you're concerned that they're playing favorites, or doing anything otherwise inappropriate, I would discuss it either with them, your fellow students, or your parents and make sure the issue is dealt with appropriately.

[white owl]

I agree with what I have read from JusticeZero and ninjanurse. Speaking from a woman's point of view.

I would frown on the physical contact like rubbing the back and hugging and the kiss on the cheek. Especially if it is a continuous thing.

As from looking at a students point of view. I would not like it and think something is up. As for jealousy I would think there is likely some. How could there not be.