accepting the major

[UnKnownsenSei]

I dont know why i decided to post this rite now at 1:53 in the morning. i guess i just had to get it off my chest.

I have been a martial artist my entire life. Since a young man I've been internally connected to this way of life. When I think of throwing a punch, kick, or grapple, something just comes over me. Its as if i've been born to execute these moves you know? It is indeed a love i'll always have and cherish.

As i become more of an adult I've started to observe a little more about myself and the world around me. I've come to the realization that the westernized view of religion has bored me and has decided to use martial art as my way of spiritual growth. recently i've been doing alittle more reading and training than usual because i think I've discovered something big. Something like a spiritual door or almost a way of enlightenment.

now I've never been to a zen temple nor have i ever sat down with a monk, but I believe I've discovered a path to enlightenment.

At first it frightened me because i've never felt so relaxed and intune with all things. Its funny but after i sat and meditated I remember walking outside and looking up. It appeared as if the universe seemed a tad bit closer to my soul. I suddenly became alittle more frightened of this experience and have decided to back away from this "soul experiment" out of fear. Fear of discovering something so profound about this world, myself, about everything.

Am i so used to my unhappiness in life that I, at this very stage in my life, am willing to throw away something so new and unique? I ask myself this a million times a day and the answer is still the same, NO! I don't think Im ready for a change like this. I don't think Im ready to take on such a responsibility.

Its as if I need help accepting...the major aspect of life.

[Mistassailant5]

It is wonderful that martial arts can affect in this way. It is not unheard of that martial arts was a path to spiritual enlightment, in fact, perhaps most styles has that sort of religious aspect in them. If you wish to have martial arts to be your spiritual outlet, so be it and good luck!