Dating in the dojo

[Sibylla]

I think an instructor shouldn't "go there". I trained under an instructor who dated several female students and eventually married one. Despite being married he never related to female students in a "normal" neutral way.

A dojo is not a pub. If someone just must date, I'd say make arrangement so that they don't train at the same place. The instructor must have a policy on how to handle such situations before he gets into them and make it clear to the female student he might be dating. He is the leader and the person with the upper hand.

[evergrey]

I think it could work within certain relationship dynamics, and work quite well. But there is, of course, potential for disaster as well. I'd try to look at it on a case by case basis.

[GeoGiant]

Hmmmm. I gotta say no. I love my dojo and all the people that go there. I would not want to create a situation where i would feel awkward going to class. The dojo is my sanctuary where nothing else matters but training.

[Blade96]

What do you guys think about people dating in the dojo, especially instructors and students?

http://i28.tinypic.com/21431ww.jpg

although I personally know a husband and wife team (shotokan, like me) who just opened up their own dojo. she's a blue belt so she would still be training under him and she is highest rank, the rest are little white belt so she is the senpai.

student and student i think is ok though.

[sensei8]

I knew of a MA instructor who dated one of his students, then they broke up, and then the student that he was dating, started dating another student from THAT same school. You talk about being uneasy? Sheech!

Good thing this instructor wasn't a revengeful guy...hopefully.

[jsteczko]

Well, some people may not like it, but in general there's nothing wrong with relationships in the dojo.

Everyone has a different view on this. If there are people in the club we don't like it, maybe then the couple should not show their relation in the dojo. In that way they would show respect to others. Everyone in the club would know about the relationship but they wouldn't see it with their eyes. And then it does not hurt that much.

[GeoGiant]

One of my competitors many years ago violated one of the instructor maxims...outside relationships with a student.

This instructor had promoted a student from white belt to green belt in 3 months duration. This student was allowed to test whenever this student thought ready. How do I know this?

3 of this instructors students, who were brown belts at the time, quit that school and joined my school. These students then told me some scary stories about the relationship between that instructor and that student.

Again, I've no problem with an instructor dating a student because they can do whatever they want as long as their relationship doesn't interfer with the other students AND the school. When a relationship like this blows up in their faces, then someone's got to go and mostly, the student(s) will go willingly.

Wow! I think a situation like this would ruin your reputation for good. How did this person attract students after this? Was the school that big that he didn't miss his advanced students leaving? Having a brown belt walk out the door says a lot.

Out of curiosity, did you let his brown belts keep their rank?

[JiuJitsuNation]

In the gym we have a rule: If any of the staff goes out with a student and it results in this person leaving the school because of the break up. The pay off the rest of this persons contract for them. Usually only happens once. lol

[Blade96]

can i change my mind and say now that i think anyone from the same dojo dating each other is a bad idea. Because I thought about it and i believe its a bad idea now. yeah i have a story that is great evidence for what i say now. And it happened to me. Might write about it later, to warn others.

I used to think Yeah, whatever, it could work. especially student and student relationships (not student and teacher which i already said is a can of worms) i had no problem with it. But after my experience I say now that its a very bad idea.

[sensei8]

One of my competitors many years ago violated one of the instructor maxims...outside relationships with a student.

This instructor had promoted a student from white belt to green belt in 3 months duration. This student was allowed to test whenever this student thought ready. How do I know this?

3 of this instructors students, who were brown belts at the time, quit that school and joined my school. These students then told me some scary stories about the relationship between that instructor and that student.

Again, I've no problem with an instructor dating a student because they can do whatever they want as long as their relationship doesn't interfer with the other students AND the school. When a relationship like this blows up in their faces, then someone's got to go and mostly, the student(s) will go willingly.

Wow! I think a situation like this would ruin your reputation for good. How did this person attract students after this? Was the school that big that he didn't miss his advanced students leaving? Having a brown belt walk out the door says a lot.

Out of curiosity, did you let his brown belts keep their rank?

That school closed a few years ago. I'd say that school had close to 100 students at that time.

Nope, they weren't allowed to keep their rank when they joined my dojo.