Dating in the dojo

[Nobodysaidbella]

I came across this is another forum, and I thought I'd ask it in here, since I've had a friend in this situation.

What do you guys think about people dating in the dojo, especially instructors and students? I think it might be possible, but I think there are more cons than pros when it come to dating your student/instructor. Opinions?

Edited October 6, 2009 by Nobodysaidbella

[Rateh]

I think it would be awkward in general and could lead to problems particularly if the relationship ended.

HOWEVER

The dojang which I currently attend is run by a husband and wife. She is a 5th Dan and he is a 3rd. They met in the training hall. I do not know whether or not she was his instructor at the time. I do know that she is now, and in the dojang she is his senior.

Another dojo I trained at was also a husband and wife couple. The man was an 8th and the woman a 5th. They taught separate classes so I do not know how they interacted within the context of the dojo.

Of the seven places I have trained at, these two were by far the best, both in the physical training, the skill levels of the students, but ALSO in the overall atmosphere of the school and the general feelings of the students and instructors within it toward the art and each other.

SO...It could be good, and it could be bad...or it could be neutral.

[joesteph]

Go out and have a good time. Lots of people meet in "close quarters" such as school, work, church functions, and all sorts of activities that include the training hall.

It's better to think positive and give it a go than to play it safe and wonder if you should have.

[Wa-No-Michi]

I was a happy go lucky single guy, when I met this girl at the dojo. Now all these years later I am married with kids.

How did that happen?

So be carefull, you can get yourself in all sorts of trouble before you know it, and your training will never be the same again.

Pesky kids Grrr!

[Nobodysaidbella]

Well yeah, the couple running ours met when she started training under him a decade or two ago. Now she's a 3rd and he's a 5th, and they've got three or four studios together. You couldn't tell that they're married though, since he's totally the boss.

But I always thought it would be awkward dating an instructor. At least in the beginning.

[beagstkd]

Our instructor met his wife in the dojo while she was a student. There are several younger couples not yet married that met in our dojo.

I think it's great...what a great place to find someone.

[The BB of C]

Everyone gets lucky with a good relationship from highly unlikely circumstances occasionally. Personally I don't suggest it at all.

[Nobodysaidbella]

Yeah, I think it's a terrible idea. I mean, there are exceptions to every rule, but it's generally the instructor would have the upper-hand. Maybe a sempai, but still.

[bushido_man96]

This is something that I think can be hard to control at the student level. If students want to date, who am I to stop them from doing so? I might warn them about what can happen should they part ways, especially if it is rough, but, that's life. People come into your life, and people will come out of it; it happens to all of us. And if someone develops feelings for another along the way, then why try to get into the middle of it?

Now, when it comes to instructor/student relationships, I think you have to approach it differently. I still don't feel inclined to be the one to tell my instructors who they can and cannot go out with, but I think that intentions have to be realized. I would not like the idea of any instructor, chief or assistant, using the student base to add tallies to their score, so to speak. But if the intentions don't appear to be that way, then I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Chief instructors, I would expect to hold to a level of professionalism that they would not date from within their school. But then again, a chief instructor may meet that special person, and if this is the case, then proceeding with caution is the way to go.

Now, with all that said, I will also add that I did meet my wife at the TKD school...

[bushido_man96]

I was a happy go lucky single guy, when I met this girl at the dojo. Now all these years later I am married with kids.

How did that happen?

So be carefull, you can get yourself in all sorts of trouble before you know it, and your training will never be the same again.

Pesky kids Grrr!

Hehe, isn't that the truth?! Now, I hope soon to start living vicariously through the Martial exploits of my children...