Don't Hit Like A Girl!

[sensei8]

I've placed this topic here because as an Instructor for a billion years, I felt that this topic/thread could help other instructors.

It's September 1990. I'm midway through the 6th-4th Kyu class of kids between the ages of 10-12 years old. We're doing Kumite at this moment.

I've got the class sitting down while two boys are up mixing it up. During their Kumite, these two boys aren't putting 100% effort in their techniques.

This is when I do what is NOW known as the Big DUH!

"Stop hitting like girls!" I instructed.

A few minutes later...."Yame!" I shout.

Class finally ends, I return to my office for a moment, then I open the office door, and I'm meet with....A CROWD OF MOMS who are waiting for me. I'm standing in my office doorway, that's as far as these moms would let me go. These mom didn't yell at me and I didn't yell at them but I knew I was in hot water with these moms, and as I found out later, I was in hot water with those girls as well.

"Can I help you ladies?" I asked.

"We don't appreciate what you said!" one of the moms says to me.

"More specifically...what?" I asked.

You would've thought that I was the boogie man or something. These moms, ALL of them, let me have it...both barrels.

"What's wrong with girls?" asks another mom.

"Nothing!" I said.

"Do you think that girls are weak?" asks another mom.

"No!" I answered

"Then why would you tell the boys to not hit like a girl?" asks another mom.

"I...I..." I stammered.

"I...I...yeah! How do you think the girls feel after you said what you said about girls to the boys...in front of the girls?" asks another mom.

"You hurt their feelings!" adds another mom.

"I didn't realize the power of those words when I spoke them! I didn't think! If I had first thought, I wouldn't have said it, I promise. I promise that I'll never do that ever again, and I won't. That was wrong of me. That was stupid of me. That was insensitive of me. Please forgive me and I'll apologize to them immediately!" I said.

These moms were 100% correct and I was 100% wrong! The girls, ALL of them were still there as the Adult 6th-4th Kyu's were lining up for their class. I asked those girls to stay for just a second.

I bowed into the floor.

I bowed in the class.

I sat the class down.

I asked those girls to come to the front of the class.

Face me.

I explained to all there what had happened at the class before.

I then poured out my heart to these girls and begged them to forgive me for saying what I had said.

I dropped down and I deeply bowed to them.

Sometimes, we instructors say/do things that we aren't truly aware of until someone brings it to our attention. As was the case that night! This is no excuse, but, I said what I had said to motivate the boys because boys hate to be compared to girls and vice versa. It was wrong and it should've never happened, and it's never happened ever since.

Moral of this story is this...Respect begets respect, no matter the age!

[tallgeese]

Still, it's an expression. One typically based around the fact that men typically have more upper body musculature than do women, hence, they often have more powerful strikes. We're talking on averages here, not pitting the top ranked women's boxer against joe average guy.

I get keeping the customers happy, gotta do what you've gotta do. I threw something similar out around some of the women I train with once and when they laughed about it I came back with the fact that they hit more like guys. It was a funny thing across the group.

Each dynamic is different, though. Today, I can see limiting stuff like that. Hypersensitivity is the name of the game these days. Or, maybe it's just my lack of. Either way, it's one of those things that makes me glad I don't teach commercially.

[joesteph]

I'm not sure about other countries, but in American culture in the past (at least what I've seen), it was common to say this type of statement to boys. I went to an all-boys' high school, and two of the teachers used to "quiet" a class that got noisy by calling out, "Uh . . . Girls!" If you've ever seen Full Metal Jacket, the DI kept calling out "Ladies!" to the men.

I don't know about other countries/cultures within the last decade, but somehow it still pops up in American life. An episode of Everybody Loves Raymond had the father squeezing between his two sons to get some food. "Pardon me, girls" is what came out of his mouth, and the two sons just moved to let him through as though nothing odd had been said. I didn't think it was funny. I'm not aware of how profitable it is in instruction, but many times, I think, it's been said by a male to other, usually younger, males simply because it had been said to the speaker when he was younger. It becomes perpetuated in society. And don't think only males say it to males; I was present when a female instructor said it to a male student, and he was offended, feeling he was being called effeminate.

I believe that both sexes want to be judged by their abilities/performance and still be considered masculine or feminine--qualities which the society actually determines, and can change over time.

[Rateh]

As a female, I do get offended when people say don't hit like a girl. I would also get offended if I was told I hit like a guy. Whats wrong with girls that if we hit hard its masculine? I don't think me being a girl or a guy should have one bit to do with martial arts. As far as I'm concerned, there are no females or males on the floor. We are all martial artists, period.

[joesteph]

As a female, I do get offended when people say don't hit like a girl. . . . As far as I'm concerned, there are no females or males on the floor. We are all martial artists, period.

Let me ask you, Rateh, and any of the female members of the forums, of course, if you think that a woman has to work harder than a man in the martial arts (I'm trying to confine it to MA, not extend it throughout society) for respect/recognition?

Here's a second one. Without getting into specifics, a certain male student disrupted my MA class twice, each time with a female instructor. I spoke with a male instructor in another school, just giving him a few details, and he told me he's seen this before, that a male student would pull a stunt with a female instructor, but not be known to do the same with a male instructor. Do female instructors feel they have to assert their position more so than male instructors do?

[bushido_man96]

I'm kind of with tg on this one, but, I do see that it is more important, especially today, to watch what you say. I told a female student of mine one time that the more like a guy she could spar, the better she would be at beating other females. By saying that, I had hoped to get more power, speed, and aggressiveness out of her. Whether it was right or wrong, I don't know. I didn't think much of it at the time, nor do I really now. I haven't used the expression in a while, but it might pop up sometime again.

In the end, I can see where a valuable lesson can be learned, and moms usually teach pretty good lessons.

[JusticeZero]

I do see a lot of "feminine" attributes that I flat out dislike and want to squash. Striking meekly and apologetically without commitment - a 'girl' thing. Trying to avoid putting forth any effort by feigning weakness - a 'girl' thing. There are some 'boy' things that annoy me that mostly only turn up in the males, but most of the males I deal with are pretty willing to set aside those bad habits, where the 'girly' tendencies to let weakness and meekness dominate them is exceedingly difficult to break through even briefly in the female students who have them. Not all females do those frustrating 'girly' things, but if any males do them, I haven't found any of them.

I think I did hear this construction of the idea once.. "Don't hit like a girl, damn it, hit like a woman!"

Pretty much I don't want them to hit like they're playing pattycake and apologizing for touching people because they're oh so traumatized; I want them to hit like the feminine female action hero type of their choice; confident, precise, cool, and without excessive masculine bravado.

[ninjanurse]

Hee Hee...been there! When a student makes a comment such as "but she's a girl" or if a girl whines and pulls the "but I'm a girl card" I simply remind them that "there are no boys or girls here only martial artists". I treat them all alike and expect them to do the same.

[cathal]

This is a great thread. When I think of the phrase, and all of the times I've heard it, it meant aggression. To me it wasn't power. In sports, like softball, it meant the same thing. To be aggressive, the type of aggression that is uniquely male. To tease a male into saying their aggression is feminine is to encourage them to discover their male aggression. Personally I've never seen it as a slight against female sports, martial arts, etc.

In my adult life I've seen women with high amounts of aggression. But they've all been adults. I know first hand that women are as capable as men in the aggression spectrum. In my own personal life I have seen that men have that unique aggression only they can display.

Does that make me sexist? I don't think so. If there are women out there who possess that high level of aggression then my view is simply not as encompassing because of my own personal experiences.

[blackxpress]

It's just an expression but it does have a basis in fact. It goes without saying that all females are not equal. Female ball players can throw a ball quite well. The typical girl, however, throws a ball like, well, a girl. There are only a handful of men in this world that can hit a golf ball better than Lorena Ochoa. Ever seen the typical amateur female golfer hit a golf ball? They hit the ball like, well, girls. That's why they get to play from the forward tees. Well trained female martial artists can throw some powerful punches. The typical untrained female hits like a girl. Get the point? The expression is based on typical girls, not trained fighters and other athletes. When you told the boys to stop hitting like girls you didn't mean for them to stop hitting like highly trained female fighters in a dojo. You meant for them to stop hitting like typical little girls on a playground. Too bad we have to be so hyper-sensitive but it's the world we live in.