Martial Arts Jokes

[furry_Homeboy]

I thought it would be fun if we could just say any martial arts (meditation included) related joke (preferably clean). To start off,

A pizzeria was run by a monk. A man walked in and said, "Make me one with everything."

So the monk said that would be 15$. The man handed the monk a twenty dollar bill. After a minute he asked where his change was, to which the monk responded "Change must come from within."

[Seija]

A large man walks into his favorite bar only to find a smaller man sitting on his favorite barstool. The big guy sneaks up and knocks the little guy out with one move. The big guy looks at the bartender and says, “When this guy wakes up, tell him that was JuJutsu from Japan. HAHAHAHA!!” The next night the same thing happens except the big guy tells the bartender; "When this guy wakes up, tell him that was Karate from Korea. HAHAHAHA!!!” The third night the big guy comes in and the little guy isn’t there, proud of himself that he ran the little guy off, the big guy plops himself down on his favorite barstool. The little guy comes in and sneaks up on the big guy and knocks him out and then says to the bartender, “When this guy wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from K-Mart!!!”

[tonydee]

...tell him that was a crowbar from K-Mart!!!

In these days, there's almost too much desparately needed wisdom in that to be funny... ^_^.

Cheers, Tony

[Okami]

Well I must say the only thing that plauges the martial arts is lack of a sence of humor. The most anal retentive people I have ever seen and the most egotisical have been martial artist. Somehow it was these that I most wanted to defeat. When you beat them they will usally have a type of nervous breakdown.

One of my student black belts suprised me at a tournament in Arkansas with his free style weapons form with a toilet plunger, yes he did in fact win..The traditionalist were slightly preturbed.

I saw one of these ninja nuts at Geisen Germany allow student to shoot at him with a blowgun while holding a dart board as a target, of course this was Ninja courage. The kid was a pretty good shot to but one of the darts was a bit bent and balistically inferior. It went just a little low and hit the master Ninja right in the nutssss. The right one to be exact according to the ambulance crew. Thats a true story from the days of the thunderdragons...

[phaedra100]

A large man walks into his favorite bar only to find a smaller man sitting on his favorite barstool. The big guy sneaks up and knocks the little guy out with one move. The big guy looks at the bartender and says, “When this guy wakes up, tell him that was JuJutsu from Japan. HAHAHAHA!!” The next night the same thing happens except the big guy tells the bartender; "When this guy wakes up, tell him that was Karate from Korea. HAHAHAHA!!!” The third night the big guy comes in and the little guy isn’t there, proud of himself that he ran the little guy off, the big guy plops himself down on his favorite barstool. The little guy comes in and sneaks up on the big guy and knocks him out and then says to the bartender, “When this guy wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from K-Mart!!!”

Haha, nice.

[sensei8]

Funny! I'm still laughing out loud to all three of them...thanks furry_Homeboy, Seija, and Okami!

[JoiH]

That made me laugh out loud! I never get to hear martial arts jokes so this was a real treat.

[Lord Yasai]

Why isn't a 1st kyu allowed to become a boss of the mafia?

Because he isn't a Dan!

[Seija]

A young man is trying to find the best Samurai masters in the world. He acquires a list of who everyone tells him are the three greatest. He first goes to the master who is renowned for being the third greatest in the land. He approaches him and asks; “Master, I’ve searched very long and everyone agrees that you are the third greatest master, what makes you so great?” The old man removes a small black box from his clothes and opens it and BBZZZZZZ!! A housefly escapes and begins flying around. With one swift draw the old master cuts the fly in two. Impressed but undaunted, the young man seeks out the second most renowned master and also asks him, “Master, I’ve searched very long and everyone agrees that you are the second greatest master, what makes you so great?” This old master also produces a small black box from his clothes and opens it and BBZZZZZZ, BBZZZZZZ!! Two houseflies escape and begin flying around. With one deft draw the old master cuts both flies in half, leaving four pieces of fly on the floor. The young man can’t wait to see what the greatest master has in store and when he finds him he asks, “Master, I’ve searched very long and everyone agrees that you are the greatest sword master in the land, what makes you so great?” This old master also produces a small black box from his clothes and opens it and BBZZZZZZ!! A single housefly escapes and begins flying around. With one nimble draw the old master swings his sword in the direction of the fly and BBBZZZZZZZZ!!! The fly continues to fly around. The young man says with great surprise, “Master, the other Samurai cut their flies with ease, what is the matter???” The old man just smiles and replies, “Ah my son, this fly will never have children!”

[Gordon Ramsey]

Two men walk into a bar

Then do karate

Lol