help with Shy student

[hapkido princess]

Hello, I'm hoping someone here with have some suggestions for me. I have a student in our schools Little eagle program who is terribly shy. He is almost 5 years old and seems to have some anxiety of people and new situations. I teach this adorable little boy once a week at his preschool. It took him awhile but he has warmed up to me and is one of my star students. He resently started classes at our martial arts school as well. While he does a great job participating at the preschool he can't seem to over come his fears and join the other kids for class at the dojo. he stands on the side with his dad and will try to come out for a few minutes with me but won't talk or play the games. I'm even having trouble getting him to do kicks and strikes or stances. Does anyone have any ideas to help him? I'm not ready to give up and neither are his parents. I know he would love class once he can get over his fear.

Thanks, Amy

[joesteph]

My boys are special needs, and started with private instruction for the first sessions. It was a good intro, in that they knew what to do, and I'd say could feel they knew what to do, when they joined the class.

I also supplemented what was done in class with some time doing the same at home ("comfort zone"), giving praise whenever the boys did their karate tasks with me. I started with hand-held targets.

I was painfully shy as a child. Shyness is not a crime, but it affects one's quality of life. And it becomes a deep-set pattern of life, too. I'm glad that you and his parents are so involved in helping him now, when the foundation is laid.

[Patrick]

Thanks for starting this thread, hapkido princess.

[bushido_man96]

With a situation like this, I think that you just have to let him come to you. If he comes out to do one thing this week, then make sure to praise the heck out of him, thank him, but don't push for much more. Let him get adjusted.

Another tactic is to use as many games as you can to facilitate the learning. If he sees others playing a game he wants to play, invite him out for it. See how that goes.

[white owl]

Is his parents staying for class? If they are maybe ask them if they could leave for one class to see how he does. I know we had a boy who hung on his parent and one day the parent had to leave and do something during one of the lessons and the boy did great without his parent being there.

[ninjanurse]

Might I suggest that you have his parents bring him in when there are no classes in session so that he can adjust to the new environment? If possible do it before the Eagle class starts so that he can decide to stay on the mat when it starts or be done for the day. If he still doesn't "bite" you can invite another student to come in early and involve him in your private lesson casually. Once he has a bond with another student in the class he may feel more comfortable to stay for regular class.

[Truestar]

We had a similar problem, in fact this little girl is about to move up to a more advanced class.

Luckily this girl joined with a friend of hers, so he was able to be there as a comfort. The first couple classes the parents stayed and she generally would stick with them against the wall. We suggested that the parents leave next class for some "errands". The little girl had no one to go to and lined up with her friend at the beginning of class.

Either today or tomorrow she's going to be on her own. As an instructor I'll be there to teach and to comfort her as well as our master instructor. She has the potential to be a very good student.

I know the situation you're in, that's for sure. But I don't have any great advice, I've only just started instructing for about 5 or 6 months now.

[BDPulver]

Pretty much Truestar and Bushido nailed it. You will want to have parents there for the first few minutes and have them run there 'errands'.

The other is and we have had this work too is a sibling, or parent will join class also. This has the shy person see that hey if mom/dad can do this so can I mentality.

The major problem is with kids that young, I've taught 5 yr olds and its a two sided coin. The key to success with them is to always keep them occupied. We usually did little games and stuff to help with anxiety and shyness and it does do wonders.

[hapkido princess]

Thanks everyone for the wonderful suggestions. last night his mom and him arrived early so I invited them out on the mat. my 8 yr old son was with me. He is in the jr. class. Cougar, my son, invited my student to play catch with him until little eagles class started.He was a little reluctant at first but did join him. He did stay on the mat the entire class,. which is a major improvement.

The parents and I talked about private lessons but we both feel he needs the socialization with the other kids. I'm going to use my son as much as possible to help. I feel for this little boy You can see he wants to play but is so scared. thanks again everyone. we have class again on friday (and his preschool class) I'll let you know how we do.

Amy

[BDPulver]

Glad to hear hapkido princess