Instructing your own children

[ninjanurse]

Been there, done that-four times!

You must maintain the integrity of the classroom by disciplining ALL students the same and...let your kids know that they will not be given any preference over the others. You must also let them know that they have an opportunity every class to be role models for the others and praise them after class for their "assistance". They will test you occasionally and you have to be consistent with your response so they get the message. It is hard work but the more you "prep" them outside the class the better it will go in class and you will eventually have some great young "instructors" on your hands.

[white owl]

Been there, done that-four times!

You must maintain the integrity of the classroom by disciplining ALL students the same and...let your kids know that they will not be given any preference over the others. You must also let them know that they have an opportunity every class to be role models for the others and praise them after class for their "assistance". They will test you occasionally and you have to be consistent with your response so they get the message. It is hard work but the more you "prep" them outside the class the better it will go in class and you will eventually have some great young "instructors" on your hands.

Thank You.

[AikiGuy]

I think you need to separate, in his mind, when you are "mom" and when you are the "instructor". So I think that talking to him first is important, and that he should behave just like he does whenever someone else instructs.

You will also need to be extra firm with him during class. A sarcastic remark from a student is grounds for sitting out, doing pushups, or other.

Not an easy task.

That is very good advice. Separate classes is an option as pointed out by someone. But if that's not an option, there are still ways to make it work.

My 13 y.o. son has been coming to class with me since he was 6. Sometimes I instruct when the Master is not there. My son was also a student in my own classes when I taught at a different location. So I have been through all of this too.

I sat my son down (at home) years ago to explain what's expected of him in class. I told him that the Master's rule is that all instructors should be given the same respect in class so he can't play around if I am teaching, or else we would both be in trouble. I told him he should call me Sensei, not Dad, and that if he was misbehaving I would give him pushups or other appropriate discipline just like the other students because I am also being graded on teaching and I don't want to look bad. I also pointed out to him that I am not allowed to bend the rules for him. I did this so he would not think this decision was coming from me, but I did say that I agreed with the rule. After giving him the warning, I don't feel bad about doing this at all. It's just one more lesson for him to learn to take seriously just like the rules at home. He's now doing well and currently working toward his Blue Belt. We have no problems at class.

Another thing I always try to remember is not to punish him at home for something he did in class or vice-versa. Totally separate the two no matter how much you think he deserves double punishment. Another instructor can't do that to him so it's not fair if I do. I think he would hate class and be afraid to go if I did that.

If he makes a scene in class, don't be afraid to make a big deal out of your response too. Maybe point out his behavior to the class. The embarassment will humble him and also let him know you will not make exceptions for him.

Good luck and I hope this helps.

[Tiger1962]

AikiGuy - I commend you - that is EXCELLENT advice and an EXCELLENT approach to it. ALL instructors should follow your advice if they have children, relatives, spouses, friends, etc. in their classes.

[white owl]

AikiGuy, Thank you so much that is good advice, I already had that talk with him and he did try to push my buttons and he knows now that I will not let him get a way with it because he got punished with pushups and burbees when he tryed. But he is doing well, we are doing well. Thank you, you guys!

[white owl]

I would like to give an update last week our head sensei was out of town and I was the highest ranking student available to instruct class and my son was aware of this and he did really well for me everyone did as matter afact they all thank me for a good class afterward that made me feel really good. I try new things and made new drills for conditioning. It was a lot of fun with out the pressure of your sensei's watching you.

[bushido_man96]

It is nice to be able to cut loose and be yourself every now and then. Good for you, white owl.

[USCMAAI]

I am getting ready to test for my dan, so I am starting or teaching the classes little more than I have been.

The question I have is how do you seperate the Mother mode with your child. Exspecially when you have to correct him (for techniques)it seems when I instruct he is more sluggish, like mom is instructing so I just give 35 0/0 instead of the 100 0/0. I try to ingore him, but I do not want to do that when sensei is watching me, and I do not want him to think I would let other students do that, which they do not (or any new students that come in the future), just my own does.

My husband when he works with our son says he has to make him mad to get him to do things I told him that is not right you should not have to that.

When sensei works with our son there usually is not a problem. But it is expected of us to be able to instruct and I am told to seperate being a mother to being a sensei in our dojo and not to get mad at my son which I try not to but I get disappointed when I know he can do better than he does. But I did get a little upset at him when I ask him what color belt he was and he told me the wrong color to be sarcastic or joking, I took it sarcasticly. And made him do push ups. I'm just puzzled when it comes to him and so is my husband. So any imput would be great and if others have experience the same problem and how the dealt with it would be great.

I have been teaching for 25 years and have taught all three of my children, as well the sons and daughters of family and friends. I understand how difficult this can be (seperating being a parent from being and instructor). My advice is not to try! You are always the childs mother and you are always the childs instructor (either in martial arts or life in general). The key to doing this is not to have greater or lesser expectations of your child's abilities or behavior than you do with anyone elses. If you show your child that he is expected to behave just as anyone else in the Dojo does, and recieves the same rewards/punishments for meeting or not meeting those expectations, then he will come around (push ups were perfect). As far as his giving his complete attention and trying to do techniques as best as he can, what would you do with any other student that you felt was not giving 100%? As I said above I have instructed all three of my children (my son recieved his shodan just last may, and my oldest daughter will be testing for shodan next month), and all three have learned that while I am always "daddy (or dad as my son calls me)", when we are doing Karate I am Sensei. It is not only a disrespect for you your child is showing by having a caviler attitude toward your instruction, but a disrespect for your style, dojo and the other instructors. I agree that you should not have to "get him angry" to have him perform well, he should perform well because that is what is demanded by your system. I would suggest treating him just like any other student. If that fails, remove him from class on the days you are to instruct. That will teach him that there are consequences for poor attitude and that mom is not a push over. It also shows that other students that you will accept nothing less than their best efforts.

[ironsifu]

hi

i havent been on this site in a long time, and this topic really got my attention because it is something i've been dealing with lately.

i began teaching my kids last year, and they were 6 and 7 at the time. it was a disaster. after coming to my school with me all there lives, and "playing karate", i finally started teaching them... and they hated it.

after only trying for a month, i enrolled them in a kids class taught by a lady who was a kuk sool won teacher, and very patient. the kids took to her class, and since she had a ton of kids (my school is all adult) had a great time. i had some soul searching to do, since i found myself getting a little jealous that she had more success than i did, but a mans gotta know his limitations

anyway, about 6 months ago my (now 7 and 8 year olds) kids asked me to learn my style (yippie!) and we're doing great now. i know they miss their old teacher, and now i have to deal with the guilt of feeling like i "stole" my own darn kids away from her, but they were ready.

so i guess my point is that my kids related better to the kuk sul won teacher because she was more experienced teaching kids, and the environment was more suitable for them. i was afraid i was doing to them what my teachers did to me. the truth is that they were too young... for the method of teaching i use. you know, we all cant specialize in everything!

[bushido_man96]

Experience can play a major role. I swear, kids can smell fear, and they know when you feel nevous or are inexperienced.

Also, being in a class with other kids, and away from the parents, who may expect too much, helps with kids learning as well.