Too old, fat, etc. to progress?

[Catmom]

I'm an overweight, middle-aged woman, and I've been practicing martial arts for several years. Pardon me for jumping into this without waiting and letting people get to know me first. I hope this isn't a social faux pas.

The weight I think is mainly a thyroid/adrenal problem, which needs to be addressed, but that's not my question.

I loved my school, and I had a lot of fun. I was obviously not too old or in too bad a shape to exercise. I did well at first and advanced through the belts at a reasonable pace, considering my age and level of physical fitness.

Then I plateaued, or rather, my progress did. Everything ground to a dead stop. I didn't feel that I was doing that poorly. I saw where there was improvement. And I knew everything I needed to for my next rank.

But I was never asked to test. I reached green belt and stalled out. People who came in as white belts when I was a green belt now outrank me, and I'm still a green belt. You're not supposed to ask about or talk about your next test, although this rule is often broken. I would ask Sensei why I wasn't advancing, what I was doing wrong, how I could improve, and I'd basically be told that belts aren't important.

1. That wasn't my issue. I can buy a black belt on ebay if I want one that bad. But it was obvious that I wasn't progressing. That says to me that there's a problem there. Makes sense to me to find out what the problem is so I can address it, resolve it, and then move on in my martial arts practice. And I can't help but wonder that if you have a student who studies diligently, is gradually improving, but is constantly held back, that it may be a problem with the teaching. I'm supposed to be training as a martial artist yet apparently I'm not actually being taught what I need to know to advance to my next rank. I'm left to flounder around guessing and worrying about what it is I'm doing wrong, or not doing right. Am I too old? Too fat? Is it because I'm female? Have I done some faux pas that I was never told about, and now I will never be allowed to test? Is it simply personal dislike on the part of the instructors? Do I just so totally suck at this that I'm a laughing stock, and it's obvious to everyone (but me) that I'll never be a real martial artist?

Another problem that I noticed is that when we train, we pair up basically by rank, higher belts with higher, lower belts with lower. That makes sense. I would expect to pair with someone who's blue to brown belt, roughly the same rank. But Sensei would switch me around and have me train with a white belt or yellow belt. There would be a group of higher ranks on one side of the dojo, and a group of lower belts -- and me -- on the other side. Higher ranks would be practicing roundhouse kicks, spinning back kicks, triple combinations, and take downs, and I would be practicing my front ball kicks over and over and over. So I wouldn't really be able to improve my techniques or learn anything new because it wouldn't be taught to me.

2. That's not even true. The belts themselves are bits of cloth. They themselves don't matter. It's what they symbolize that matters. They're the measure of progress that we use in this school. They're given out so students know where they stand in their study of martial arts, how they're doing, and what they need to practice next. They are meaningful and useful in that way. The fact that I haven't tested in several years means something, obviously, but no one's telling me what.

I had to quit the dojo because I lost my job, and I'm seriously wondering if I should go back, or if I should quit martial arts forever. If I'm simply too fat, too old, or just too plain dorky to be a martial artist, perhaps I should take up scrapbooking or find a senior walking club instead. I loved it. It was fun. But it became steadily more heartbreaking as time went on.

Please don't yell at me. And I apologize if I've broken any rules or commited any faux pas. This is an issue that bothers me, obviously, and I'd like to figure out how to resolve it and move on. If I were yelling and complaining about my next test two months into a new rank, that's one thing. But after several years of no testing and no guidance about it, don't I deserve to know what I'm doing wrong?

[DWx]

If I'm simply too fat, too old, or just too plain dorky to be a martial artist, perhaps I should take up scrapbooking or find a senior walking club instead. I loved it. It was fun. But it became steadily more heartbreaking as time went on.

You are never too fat. Never too old. And definately never too dorky to be a martial artist. Sure you may not be able to things that younger, fitter people may be able to. But hey, does that really matter? The important thing is you enjoyed it. As has been reiterated in other threads, there are loads of people who have been in a similar situation that have started MA. I myself was overweight when I started (although that was at the tender age of 10) and maybe I still am to an extent so I sort of know how you feel. All you can do is be the best you can and if your best is lower than the best of someone else in your dojo it doesn't matter.

Please don't yell at me. And I apologize if I've broken any rules or commited any faux pas. This is an issue that bothers me, obviously, and I'd like to figure out how to resolve it and move on. If I were yelling and complaining about my next test two months into a new rank, that's one thing. But after several years of no testing and no guidance about it, don't I deserve to know what I'm doing wrong?

I don't think its something that you're doing wrong, but more what your Sensei is doing wrong. It is his duty to teach his students and help them advance and if your stuck in this rut for several years I think he has failed. If you do go back to MA (I think you should if you enjoy it), maybe you ought to look at changing where you train. You'd probably have to start over but your not getting anywhere with an instructor who isn't helping your personal development. It doesn't matter how old, how overweight or whatever every instructor has a duty (IMO) to teach you something and help you develop. From what you posted its clearly not happening and maybe you need a new school. Good Luck and Welcome to the forums

[tori]

I second that opinion DWx. If you haven't ranked in years, yet others who started after you are moving past you in rank, then talking with the instructor on what you need to do to improve is exactly what you should have done. The fault is on his part. Do not quit MA. Quit that instructor. Hey, I am not one to question an instructor, but it is there job to get the best out of you. If he isn't doing that, then he is not an instructor at all.

[bushido_man96]

You should go find a school where you can express your concerns, and perhaps they would be able to help you do some goal setting and attaining.

Look in the right spots, and you will find what you want.

[white owl]

I Diddo all that was said above.

[pittbullJudoka]

Noone is to old, to fat, to ect. to start and practice martial arts. An instructor should be ableto tailor to your needs nomatter what the special needs are.

[Catmom]

It really broke my heart to leave this school. I liked the school. I liked the Sensei. But it was getting plain embarrassing. I always had to dumb down the techniques I was using because I was only working with white belts. I'd watch Sensei demonstrating advanced techniques to the higher ranks, but I wouldn't be included, and I wouldn't learn them because I was with the white and yellow belts working on basic techniques over and over.

My assumption is that he felt that I didn't deserve my rank and that I shouldn't be allowed to work with students that were 2-3 ranks below me because I wasn't as good as them. I felt humiliated, like I was the class joke.

I spent several thousand dollars to stay at the same rank. I'd think that if you had a student who was trying to improve, kept asking how to improve, yet stayed at the same rank for YEARS, you owed that student the truth. If I really sucked that bad and could never become a martial artist, tell me so I can stop wasting my money going nowhere. Unless you don't want to lose the tuition money. And if that's the case, that's flat out wrong. And if you have a student who wants to improve, tell them how. Tell them where they're lacking and how specifically to improve it. I wanted to have a game plan. I wanted to know what to do. I didn't want to coast and just guess what I was doing wrong.

I kept thinking that it was my fault, that I was doing something wrong, that I was making some kind of martial art faux pas that no one was going to tell me about, that I had to figure out on my own. But now that I've been away from the school for a month, I find myself getting angry. I have to admit this has left a bad taste in my mouth about martial arts.

Yes, I wanted the black belt. This was an expensive school, and I went in with the expectation that I would be trained to eventually qualify for the black belt -- and beyond. I expected to be doing this for the rest of my life. And I resented being told "belts don't matter; belts are meaningless." If that's so, why do the other students get them, and I don't? It doesn't make sense, and once again I'm left feeling that I must be a joke, and everyone knew but me.

[DisgruntledGirl]

I kept thinking that it was my fault, that I was doing something wrong, that I was making some kind of martial art faux pas that no one was going to tell me about, that I had to figure out on my own. But now that I've been away from the school for a month, I find myself getting angry. I have to admit this has left a bad taste in my mouth about martial arts.

First off, I would say that if you have other options (other schools near you) you shouldnt let this bad experience stop you from training in MA period. If you have other schools near enough to go to you should give them a look.

If you have managed to keep interest for as long as you have, being treated the way you have, then you must have at least a little passion for it, more so than you would probably have doing any other form of exercise anyway. So you should try to give it a go again if you get the chance and maybe after a little time of cooling off. (note: you may need to start from white belt again... but Im almost SURE that it probably wouldnt take near as long to get you to the belt after the one youve already got)

You said that you are "overweight" and I'm wondering if maybe it was even just an "aesthetics" thing for your Sensei in that he didnt want new comers to think that "he didnt train hard enough to make you lose weight" (which most know has nothing to do with anything). I just dont know what his real deal was.

I could see him maybe extending your time in each belt if you needed it to get you to a certain level (being "overweight" and "middle-aged" and all... if that affects anything at all, for some it does for some it doesnt) but YEARS as green belt... especially when you actually straight up ask what you could do to get better... just doesnt make ANY sense.

Good luck and I hope you dont give up on it entirely.

[krunchyfrogg]

Catmom, you have a lot of legitimate concerns, but if you leave your school without confronting the Sensei, then he will never know why you left and what your issues are.

Talk to the man, let him know how you feel.

He might confirm your suspicions, but he may very well tell you something you were'nt expecting.

There's only one way to find out.

[DisgruntledGirl]

Talk to the man, let him know how you feel.

He might confirm your suspicions, but he may very well tell you something you were'nt expecting.

I agree to that as well. I hope that you did at the very least let him know how you were feeling before leaving.

I myself was about to leave my dojo fairly recently and spoke with my Sensei about it. Little did I know that he had actually been working on things that I was "bothered" with and had implimented solutions like right before I had decided to "quit" but I just didnt know that he had ('cus I didnt attend a "meeting" that I was supposed to )

Might wanna have a chat with him. Maybe you at one point innocently stated that "you were not bothered by belt progression" when many/most people say that but in actuallity do want/need to get that new belt and maybe he took it too far or took you way too litterally..

...but then again.. years at a low to mid (my assumtions here, I dont know how your schools ranks go) kyu rank with you asking for advice and with you thinking that you were at least "good enough" for the next rank... seems a lil much to me.