Instructor losing their cool in sparring

[NewEnglands_KyoSa]

Im interested to hear, after all of this how did it turn out? has this black belt given you any more trouble?

[cjgotti]

Yes i agreee , you shouldn't go back to that school.

I third that statement.

I fourth it. Whoever she is she doesn't deserve to wear it. She obviously has no sense of respect. All of my instructors I have had in the past encouraged me to come after them in sparring. Did I do well? No, they always tore me up. They always encouraged it. She must be in the wrong place if she thinks that you shouldn't hit her just because of her belt color....lol maybe you should go back and hit her again just for laughs...then tell her to keep her hands up.

[rogue2257]

I'm with everyone above. In sparring accidents happen, and a black belt, above everyone else, needs to be understanding and keep their cool. Black belts and instructors are examples for the rest of the class, so losing her head like that is a poor example for the rest of the students in a number of ways. Other than a single incident in which I removed my mouthpiece to give a student tips for sparring and he attacked me unprovoked, I personally have never yelled at or punished a student for hitting me while sparring.

We don't go into sparring intending to hurt one another, but accidents do happen, comes with the territory in martial arts after all. I'd be more than a little concerned if your instructors are out of control and can't keep their calm. It's definitely something you should be thinking about.

[chuck7413]

I also agree with others about Black Belts not losing their cool.

As a Black Belt, I like when under belts hit me. It lets me know I need to do more training.

[kenpo4life]

She should have been skilled enough to block. Never hit a black belt? HA! Sounds like her little ego was hurt more than her nose. You have tried to do the right thing, now leave. Go somewhere where contact in a contact activity is okay

[tonydee]

...we both connected with a punch to the nose area. ...eyes water equally. I apologized profusely. The black belt ... apparent fury, without apologizing ... demanded ... pushups. ... after class ... apologized again, she never once said anything about hitting me.

Now I don't want to go to class at all. I'm afraid that she felt I had done it on purpose or was displaying attitude. It was just a mistake. What do I do now? I'm appalled that this instructor lost her cool at all and didn't seem to take my apology seriously. I'm afraid that I will be 'made an example of' because of my mistake. How can I respect someone who doesn't accept a sincere apology? Why was I made to be the bad guy over a mutual error? It didn't occur to me that she hit me deliberately.

I agree she's acted terribly. Being extremely charitable, one could hypothesize that this lady was in shock or upset either by the punch itself or something else in her life. For example, in my old school when a class is told to do slow sparring, experienced students will have a rough idea of the pace, and each junior pays attention to adopting the pace set by the senior they're sparring. This expectation can not hold when sparring extremely junior ranks, who haven't been acquainted with this protocol. There's a 1 in 1000 chance she had some reason to think you should have been acquainted with this protocol, and - while you might not have realised it - perhaps you sped up when she was deliberately going slow to give you time to block, and instead ran into her fist and pummelled her. Unable to think how to explain all this at the moment it all came unstuck, she may have just blurted "never hit a black belt" as an outrageous over-simplification. Or, just perhaps, she'd had some terrible personal news and couldn't just cope that day.

Even if our charitable explanations were right, to do what she's evidently done without even realising the absurdity of it by the end of the class is incredible myopic.

But, there are still two things to think about:

1: Was this a one-off outburst on her part, or is it typical?

2: Over the years, most people training will have had a period or two where they had to put up with someone in the dojo who was a bit of a problem: pushing excessively hard in sparring, not understanding or caring about the rules of respect that both keep sparring realistic and safe, being deliberately or unintentionally condescending or patronising etc..

Re 1: how has she been the other days you've trained with her? You could go back and make some excuse for just sitting and watching a few classes, see her and work out whether it's possible to co-exist. Or work out which classes she doesn't attend. Be ready with a neutral explaination for anyone, including her, regarding why you're not training. See if you can use any contact with her to connect in some more personal way - a smile and a few sociable comments - that get her onside. I know it's unfair to have to try, but it's a GREAT skill to have in life, and it's often easier to turn an "enemy" into a friend than you'd credit. Sometimes they know they've acted terribly, and are grateful for the opportunity, even if they'd never admit it .

Re 2: A good instructor will soon pick up on problem people and put them in line. You could give this a chance to work. If she's acting like this towards other students, and you see the instructor has noticed but doesn't do anything, then you have a real problem. If the instructor seems to be unaware, you could possibly get closer monitoring indirectly, e.g.: saying you're having trouble forming an effective defense, could an eye be kept on you with a view to a tip or two after class (this sort of request is perfectly acceptable - even encouraged - in some schools, and would be considered presumptuous - for asking for special attention - in others, so use your judgement).

Given your options in town are limited, it's a real shame to let one person's attitude problem ruin it. So, put up a bit of fight: at least scout the scene and work out how real the problem is.

Regards,

Tony