Instructor losing their cool in sparring

[Slugger]

I'm interested in the feedback from the instructors in this forum about a sparring situation. I am a yellow belt and have about 6 months experience with my current school and have attended 2 sparring classes. I had taken karate over 20 years ago but had to stop when I started having a family. I had quit at a green belt level but did nothing for 20 years. In my second sparring class with this club, I was matched against a third dan black belt, and co-owner of the school. We started fine, then the black belt received instruction from the man who was running the sparring class. Since it was her and not me who received instruction, I think she was a bit humiliated. Anyway, next thing you know, we both connected with a punch to the nose area. I know the punch I received was hard enough to make my eyes water, I'm sure I connected equally. It was an error for which I apologized profusely. The black belt began walking back and forth in apparent fury, without apologizing for hitting me by the way, and demanded I do pushups. I asked how many, and she replied just begin and keep going until I tell you to stop, and that I should NEVER hit a black belt. I again apologized and did the push ups while the whole class stopped what they were doing and watched. For the rest of the class I did defense only, afraid to hit anyone. I again approached the black belt after class and apologized again, she never once said anything about hitting me. Now I don't want to go to class at all. I'm afraid that she felt I had done it on purpose or was displaying attitude. It was just a mistake. What do I do now? I'm appalled that this instructor lost her cool at all and didn't seem to take my apology seriously. I'm afraid that I will be 'made an example of' because of my mistake. How can I respect someone who doesn't accept a sincere apology? Why was I made to be the bad guy over a mutual error? It didn't occur to me that she hit me deliberately.

[bushido_man96]

First of all, I would not return to that school. You should never hit a black belt? I think that a black belt should have blocked. Things like this happen, and if that angers the black belt, then they will be in a world of hurt when they get into a real fight.

[NewEnglands_KyoSa]

yes i would definately reconsider where you are training, as Bushido said. if anything, she should do pushups for being a poor black belt and instructor. things happen in karate, and if you are not willing to deal with that, go cheerlead. i think you were more than respectful, and that it truly was an accident, and i think it is very disrespectful and against some of the philosophies of MAs for the black belt for not apologizing or even recongnizing yours. i do not blame you for not going back, and would consider another school, or deal with the embarassment if it's worth it i suppose, or just skip the sparring class and go to the others. hope this helps, good luck, that's a tough spot to be in.

[pittbullJudoka]

I still don't get the people who think they can practise martial arts without getting hit. That sounds obserd and she disrespectied you in her actions alone. If your contact was what the school considered excesive she should have told you to ease up or something. Her actions remind me of when my brother and I used to work together and we were discussing somethings that happened the last time we sparred. Mind you we were both sporting marks on our eyes, glove burn, and various bumps and bruises. After my brother left the break area a co worker said " You guys actually hit each other when you do karate?"

I must have looked at this person like they had two heads and responded " How do you learn to fight without getting hit? You can't." I then had to leave the break area because I was in shock. I have the same reaction ever time I hear something like this.

Seriously look in to finding a new place to train.

[yingampyang]

Yes i agreee , you shouldn't go back to that school.

[JohnASE]

I suggest you stick it out for a while. See what happens.

From your description of the events, it sounds like she was out of line, but people do that sometimes. If it's not a pattern with her, try not to let it get to you. People make mistakes. You admitted to making one. She made a bigger one or rather compounded hers.

If she continues acting out of line, or you end up not being able to forgive her for her shortcomings, then maybe you'll need to find somewhere else to train.

[Holland]

There are multiple problems with this.

First, if one of my black belts lost their cool on a yellow belt and jumped all over them, I would be on that black belt even harder.

Giving push ups because you connected? First, I can say that I never, and I mean never, give an adult push ups for doing something wrong. (Ok, I won't say never, but I have probably done it like twice in the last 8 years....) That is just an unneeded display of power mongering. People come to train, to learn, to get in shape, and to fellowship. No one pays monthly dues to be miserable and get humiliated.

Also, apparently this black belt saw nothing wrong with the fact that they belted you. I would have apologized once, and that would have been it. I mean, geez... if you stay in karate long enough you will unfortunately be on the give and take ends of a hard technique more than a few times and believe you me, it is much more comfortable to be the guy who gets hit than to be the one who feels like a jerk for having hurt a class mate.

Since this black belt is a co-owner of the dojo, I would probably find a new place to train. The philosophy of the place is obviously not conducive for mature training. I know that investing six months into a place can make you not want to leave, but I don't think this situation is going to get any better over time.

[Tiger1962]

I'm sorry this happened to you and I agree with everyone else. I would find a different place to train and before quitting I would certainly "give a piece of my mind" to the instructor and assistant instructor.

One of the problems I've encountered in martial arts is that some people lack humility. They train and think that they're larger than life. They forget all about when THEY started training, mistakes they made and whatnot. People clash accidentally when sparring. It happens. I've done it and people I know have done it. When it happens, we are told to stop, bow to each other to show respect and that's a sign of "oops, sorry" and then you continue. I mean, you can tell when a punch is maliciously intended. I was getting mad just reading how that person treated you !

Sounds like this person has an inflated ego - you need to find a school run by professionals and not ego-maniacs. Good luck !

[tori]

That is an awful example of how a black belt should behave. If I am sparring anyone and they get a shot on me, I usually always say "nice job." If they apologize for hitting me, I ask "why are you apologizing, I should have blocked it." As an adult, it was humiliating to make you do push ups and have others watch. If you do decide to leave, make sure you tell them why they are losing such a good student. If you decide to stay, then you need to just get past the issue and train.

[IcemanSK]

Yes i agreee , you shouldn't go back to that school.

I third that statement.