Is my Sensei being unprofesional?? HELP!

[sherellkicker21]

I went through something very similar myself. It was very diheartening. The truth is...it's exactly what he's aiming for. He's asking to test the waters. Rule number one...TRUST YOUR GUT...it's feeling that way for a reason.

[FortuneCookie]

Sounds clear to me that your instructor is trying to solicit you for an affair. Nothing but red flags all over his email.

Obviously you're a grown adult and free to make your own decisions, but I'm going to assume you're not interested in an affair (as that the connotation I get from your post).

That being said, your first mistake was setting up a private email account with the guy. That gave him a sign that you were indeed interested. Odds are you have probably done other things that were signs of interest to him, but you didn't give a second thought. This isn't to say that you did anything wrong, but sometimes people misconstrue things said and done.

And unfortunately, I believe the end result of this will probably involve you finding another place to train at.

I recommend that you immediately stop contact with your instructor through this secret email account. Don't delete any emails either, they can be used for validation of your stance should things get worse for you (him denying the alligations, accusing you of coming on to him, etc.). It wouldn't hurt to print off a copy of the email as well and store it in a safe place should you ever need it.

If you're not interested in risking your marraige and family over this guy you need to immediately let him know you're not interested. I would recommend doing this via email and bcc your husband and personal email accounts for record.

It probably wouldn't hurt to start looking at other training facility should your instructor try to "punish" you in any way for turning him down (being extra critical or holding back your scheduled testing for example).

Also, make sure that if you continue to train in his dojo you make sure you are never left in a situation where it's just the two of you - you'll want a witness for anything that is said.

Finally, inform your husband of the situation. Make him aware of the situation, but let him know you're handling it. Obviously you don't want him causing unneccessary trouble by intervening on your behalf, but you'll want and need his support should "it" ever hit the fans.

This!

I disagree with the part that you have an option to keep training there, get out inmediatly and preferably by papers so there would be no last contact nor possibility of rape. Most important part: Share this with your partner, you don't want this to ruin your relationship or trust.

[Groinstrike]

I agree with Montana, this seems to me to be a highly unprofessianal situation and would be best dealt with you severing ties altogether. Just my opinion however.

[Akikazeninja]

well have you ever thought of starting an independent dojo of the style and not being affilated with the man??

This is exactly what I was going to suggest, why waste all that hard work and dedication to have it ruined by someone else?