I hope you have children just like you!

[Zanshin]

I know that some of you may think I am a bit extreme in my views on women being assertive. I work as a counselor for sex offenders in a prison, and see how they still manipulate women (what else would you call a mother who stays with a man who molests her child?). It is rather pathetic and disgusting to see. I try and teach my children (son and daughters) that no one has a right to abuse you in any way, and that the morals and values that they have must be defended. I also teach them to be kind and gentle when possible, but when being assertive is called for, be really assertive!

I knew there was more to your original post to just the "proud father" thing.

I too am the father of two daughters and given your very difficult job, I can fully empathise with your situation.

I think though perhaps you have to draw a line between what happened to your daughter at a sporting competition and some of the horrific cases that you may have to deal with as part of your career.

I have a different point of view to most people on this board. I do not think that what your daughter did in the first place was in any way commendable or comment worthy. If the boy that did that to her was a thug, he was a thug, leave it at that and rise above it.

In my experience, these things happen in competition, its not nice but you just move on.

You have to separate whatever feelings of "oppression" that you may bring from the outside world in order to be a clear minded competitor.

[bushido_man96]

That makes a lot of sense and I certainly don't blame you for thinking that. If by some horrid mistake of nature I ever end up with children I would think the same way.

You are being a touch hard on yourself, aren't you?

[bushido_man96]

I know that some of you may think I am a bit extreme in my views on women being assertive. I work as a counselor for sex offenders in a prison, and see how they still manipulate women (what else would you call a mother who stays with a man who molests her child?). It is rather pathetic and disgusting to see. I try and teach my children (son and daughters) that no one has a right to abuse you in any way, and that the morals and values that they have must be defended. I also teach them to be kind and gentle when possible, but when being assertive is called for, be really assertive!

I would have to agree with you here, USCMAAI. Many people believe in the adage "turn the other cheek." However, you only have two cheeks. The context of everything that went down here may not have been right, but the fact of the matter is that many of us, and myself for sure, don't like to get popped, and when we do, we want to retaliate. It is natural.

[USCMAAI]

I know that some of you may think I am a bit extreme in my views on women being assertive. I work as a counselor for sex offenders in a prison, and see how they still manipulate women (what else would you call a mother who stays with a man who molests her child?). It is rather pathetic and disgusting to see. I try and teach my children (son and daughters) that no one has a right to abuse you in any way, and that the morals and values that they have must be defended. I also teach them to be kind and gentle when possible, but when being assertive is called for, be really assertive!

I knew there was more to your original post to just the "proud father" thing.

I too am the father of two daughters and given your very difficult job, I can fully empathise with your situation.

I think though perhaps you have to draw a line between what happened to your daughter at a sporting competition and some of the horrific cases that you may have to deal with as part of your career.

I have a different point of view to most people on this board. I do not think that what your daughter did in the first place was in any way commendable or comment worthy. If the boy that did that to her was a thug, he was a thug, leave it at that and rise above it.

In my experience, these things happen in competition, its not nice but you just move on.

You have to separate whatever feelings of "oppression" that you may bring from the outside world in order to be a clear minded competitor.

Zanchin: Thankyou for your words, unfortunately I would have to say that sometimes you can't "rise above" things. I agree that in this case Kinzie's reaction was excessive (I think she could have made her point without getting dq'd or making a smart remark). But I am proud of her standing up to the attempt at intimidation. As a father of two daughters I hope your children never find themselves in a situation where their spouse/boyfriend tries to abuse them. I hope my daughters find partners who are kind, gentle and caring. If they should find themselves in a situation which their partners try to be abusive in anyway, I have given them the tools (physically and emotionally) to deal with it. As for your assertion that I have issues of being oppressed.... In my family I have only seen 1 time in my life where a woman in my family was abused (well actually it was an attempt at abuse) My oldest sister was struck by her husband when I was about 12. She threw a skillet of frying chicken on him and then began to play "skillet ball" with his head with a cast iron skillet. They divorced after that. I personally have never been oppressed or even intimidated (outside of being afraid of disappointing my parents/sensei). I would contend that children learn from watching us as well as what we say, and that "rising above" someone's attempt at intimidation maybe well and good, but where do you draw the line? For me (and my children) the line is clearly drawn! "Don't start nothin, won't be nothin" as my son would say. That doesnt mean we will fight at the drop of a hat, or that we don't try to resolve conflict in a peaceful manner (either by talking it out or if given the opportunity leaving), but we will not be bullied even a little bit, and if violence is done to us we respond in kind.

[ninjanurse]

Rising above is the goal...stooping to their level or below is not. I see a clear difference in responding to violence "on the street" and "in the ring"...self defense should be first in mind not saving face.

[marie curie]

I maintain that that it was called for and enormously funny.

[USCMAAI]

Rising above is the goal...stooping to their level or below is not. I see a clear difference in responding to violence "on the street" and "in the ring"...self defense should be first in mind not saving face.

I understand what you are saying here and I agree with most of it. However, blatant disregard for the rules (no face contact) in the ring generated the like response. My children have been taught early in life that violence is not the answer to everything, and have on several occassions had to just walk away from people who try to start trouble with them ( I witnessed just this weekend my daughter walk away from other children her age calling her the "N" word, even though she was really upset by it). On the other hand there are times when the behavior of another must be delt with (again, I think that she went overboard with the backfist and comment), and you must stand up for yourself. Philosophically you are probably right, she was proving a point to the boy (but mainly to herself) and that was "saving face". Again, I am still proud of her for standing up for herself, even though I think there was a way she could have done it properly! I think that people assume that I am condoning her action, and that is not the case. I am condoning her spirit. As I have said before, violence is not a solution to all problems, but in the real world if you are not prepared to respond to violence done to you (either on the street or in the ring) you will be a victim.

[jaymac]

Listen, what I think you have here is a well rounded child who learned a life lesson. I think what she did, is exactly what many might do. Maybe the comment after the knockdown was a bit overboard, but she did not allow the boy to get the better part of her, and this is really what the whole thing was about, boy vs. girl. Had it been 2 girls or 2 boys sparring against each other, I think the whole sparring event may have been different. She defended herself, she was adequately disciplined by you, apologized, and life goes on. As for your instructor, he along with any non-competitors or judges, should not be allowed on competition floors. Spectators should be seated. No coaching from the sidelines is a rule that should be upheld.

[bushido_man96]

Listen, what I think you have here is a well rounded child who learned a life lesson. I think what she did, is exactly what many might do. Maybe the comment after the knockdown was a bit overboard, but she did not allow the boy to get the better part of her, and this is really what the whole thing was about, boy vs. girl. Had it been 2 girls or 2 boys sparring against each other, I think the whole sparring event may have been different. She defended herself, she was adequately disciplined by you, apologized, and life goes on.

Well put. Plainly said, stuff happens. Many of us will be in situations like this as well. Even though we constantly train ourselves to be better, we will still find ourselves in moments of weakness. Then we learn from them.

[USCMAAI]

Listen, what I think you have here is a well rounded child who learned a life lesson. I think what she did, is exactly what many might do. Maybe the comment after the knockdown was a bit overboard, but she did not allow the boy to get the better part of her, and this is really what the whole thing was about, boy vs. girl. Had it been 2 girls or 2 boys sparring against each other, I think the whole sparring event may have been different. She defended herself, she was adequately disciplined by you, apologized, and life goes on. As for your instructor, he along with any non-competitors or judges, should not be allowed on competition floors. Spectators should be seated. No coaching from the sidelines is a rule that should be upheld.

Very well put!