Dealing with a ?bully?

[Philosophical One]

Being a victim of bullying myself (I've got posts on here about that too)

I'm probably not the best person to give advice...

But 1 thing I have learned is that these people come into our lives for a reason... we bloody well don't want them there, but they're there...

If you handle this situation properly you won't ever get another bully back in your life (unless you forget the lesson)

Don't show fear and face up to him. You're tougher than you think.

BTW don't let him get away with those derogatory comments "My dogs do that" Tell him where to go.

[bigscottius]

I've known many overly agressive types that get a big head. The one way i've known to deal with big guys that have a big head is to act better than them. Don't give them the time of day. Act like your so much better of a person, that you won't even look their way. They want to confront you? Your too good to give them your time. It sounds like he is trying to intimidate you, don't let him. He says stuff to people, laugh at it. They are beneath you anyway, so their petty words won't hurt you right? He tells people to hit harder when they aren't suppose to? Tell them not to pull that stuff infront of you, that you won't hear of it. MOst likely they will follow the lead of the confident guy, and you will show your truly stronger than him. Most big guys that do that have a confidence problem, and they want to use thier stature and size to get what they want. Especially if he wants to fight you, don't give it to him. Even if you beat him up, he will learn a better lesson if you act above fighting him. Believe me, it is really hard to fight someone who shrugs you off. I say, don't ever give in to him. Don't give in to his tactics or anything. By your post, it seems like you are the stronger person, so act like it. Leadership is more about doing what is right in a strong and confident matter than intimidation and cheap actions.

I'll give you a story about a personal experience. During college ball my freshman year, this d-line (we think a roider) wanted to push everyone around and start fights, especially after he was beat. I remember one time after i knocked him to the ground, he got up and started swinging at my helmet. I stood there and took 4 punches to the helmet (didn't hurt me a bit) and said, "Come on now, you done throwing your temper tantrum?" Everyone on the field started laughing, and the kid felt really awkward and out of place. Never tried anything like that to me again. I could have given him a hell of a brawl, but my tactic worked 100x better.

[bigscottius]

Oh, and about that "my dogs do that" comment or whatever, all you have to do is say something like, "Yeah, be careful which dog you back into a corner, they might bite pretty hard".

[Daisho]

I'll give you a story about a personal experience. During college ball my freshman year, this d-line (we think a roider) wanted to push everyone around and start fights, especially after he was beat. I remember one time after i knocked him to the ground, he got up and started swinging at my helmet. I stood there and took 4 punches to the helmet (didn't hurt me a bit) and said, "Come on now, you done throwing your temper tantrum?" Everyone on the field started laughing, and the kid felt really awkward and out of place. Never tried anything like that to me again. I could have given him a hell of a brawl, but my tactic worked 100x better.

lol great story

I don't agree with posts saying to "spar-it-out" with this other student. MA is about discipline, and sometimes that discipline is to repress the ego, and do what you know to be right. Arguing and fighting are the ego demanding attention. When he says something stupid, keep yourself gathered and focused.

I think you definitely have a responsibility to speak with your senior sensei about this situation. Newer ppl to the dojo can wind up following his moronic way, and before you know it half your class is nursing joint injuries from techniques done w/o the participants pulling-back, which leads them to stop comming back. the other half train like morons, and never build the trust needed to learn any of the advanced techniques.

[Martial_Artist]

Your only real complaint is your first one about training outside the prescribed rules. Everything else you're just taking too personally.

As for your first complaint tell your instructor he's telling other students to cheap-shot during training. That's valid. Unless it's an instructor doing that, then it's not acceptable--unless that's the spirit of your training. AN occasional "hit" is a good wake-up call to test the forgetfullness of your technique.

Talking smack? You should talk to your dad about how to deal with a bully. Your instructor is not your dad. Your instructor is almost no different than telling a school official. There's nothing like tattle-telling to earn respect or get a bully off your shoulders.

Further on "smack"...who really cares? Do you respect this guy's opinion that much? If it was me he might as well as be farting as 'talking smack' for me to even care.

And the snide dog remarks? What is this kindergarten? Again, who cares?

He doesn't sound like a bully. More like a pompous arrogant self-inflated ballon.

I mean, this guy isn't physically hurting you, right? He's not bullying you into giving him your lunch money, right? He's not physically harassing you, i.e. shoving you around the halls, punching you, giving wedgies, right? What part of what he is doing is bullying again? Maybe I missed something.

My advice is to ask your dad how to deal with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. (setting is irrelevant). I would let the instructor know he's trying to get students to hurt each other without the other one expecting it. But everything else is your issue.

You don't sound confident in yourself. This guy just sounds like a lug-headed bafoon making snide remarks to smaller classmates.

The only serious concern is the cheap-shotting he's promoting. Again an issue for your instructor.

And the dog comments do affect you or you would not have placed them in your rant post.

Look, it's unfortunate this is happening to you. But what is it exactly you don't like about this guy? His attitude? Well, guess what, you're going to meet tons of people like him. Are you going to let them bother you the same?

Let me ask you this: how much time do you think this guy spends thinking about you outside of the dojo? Compare that to how much time you spend thinking about this guy outside the dojo. Something not seem right to you.

You're letting this guy get too much control over you by letting him push the right buttons and he can probably see it in your face, which just drives him to do it more.

Like I said earlier, who is this person to you that his opinion matters so much to you?

You don't need to fight this guy. He's not physical with you, so it's not a physical dominance kind of thing.

You shouldn't give the guy the time of day verbally either. Because no matter what you say, whatever he says will bother you more, because you have already put so much emotional importance on his words to vent about them. I doubt he'd feel the same about anything you'd say to him.

So, don't bother. He's not worth your breath. You're wasting too much of your time on this loser.

You also might want to work harder on your training. Because you sound afraid of the guy. Mentioning size, and what he claims he'll do to you when you spar. Then you go on to mention how you feel about your training.

Don't let this nincompoop get in your head any further.

Ignore him and work on your training. Unless he really starts bullying you. I'm not your dad so I'm not going to tell you how to deal with a real bully. You'll have to ask your father-figure on that one.

Just my .02 cents. Not trying to offend, just making some observations and trying to help.