Dealing with a ?bully?

[ShotokanKid]

There's a black belt at my dojo who has been doing things that I strongly object to.

First, he told a student (who is also a good friend of mine) to try to get disqualified at the next tournament. He told this other student and myself that we need to be trying to really hit people in class. I really don't like this way of thinking. First of all, let me say that I have made a significant level of contact before, and I train with a heavy bag, but I don't want to get sidetracked here. The point is that this is completely wrong. I was talking to my Kali instructor about this and he agreed wholeheartedly. It isn't fair to the person being hit; they are "playing by the rules" and pulling their techniques and BAM! they get nailed. I spoke to someone about this- (both sides playing by the rules) and he said if he knows the other person is trying to hurt hit, he would attack first and hurt them before they could hit him.

So this particular black belt is trying to tell people to hurt their classmates when their classmates aren't prepared. I think it's okay if both sides know the contact level and are properly geared up (at our dojo, we often don't wear protective equipment because we are expected to pull our attacks)

The next thing is more of a personal thing, but this black belt has been talking "smack" about me. The student who I brought up earlier has mentioned several times that he has been speaking negatively about me. I've also overheard him saying things several times. He's been saying comments about how ineffective I am and how he's going to do whatnot to me next time we spar. I've mentioned in other posts that I'm a teen. This black belt has probably 120+ pounds on me and at least 6 inches. I guess that picking on someone significantly smaller and younger makes him feel tough. I'm taking comfort in the fact that I'm getting stronger, bigger, and faster, but it's not as if I want to "duke it out with him." As far as effectiveness of my fighting style, I feel that my martial arts training has taught me to avoid any potentially dangerous situations. Should the need arise to fight, I would kick to the groin, use improvised weapons, and do things (like attacking the ears, clapping the ears, breaking fingers, etc.) I would never attack in the dojo. In the dojo, I am not trying to hurt the person, I am not fighting for my life, and I am not "fighting dirty." I am working with the person in a controlled kumite style and we are both learning controlled kumite, not brawling.

The last thing he does, but I don't care about is another black belt is teaching me wrestling, so every time the black belt walks by, he says something like "my dogs do that" or something and thinks it's so original and he's never said it before. But that really doesn't bother me, I thought I'd just share that to show you a little bit about him.

So I think in summary, this post is about how to deal with a bully in a dojo setting.

Thanks in advance for any help and advice.

[obiwansbane]

well there isnt really much you can do. Have you tried talking to the head instructor of you dojo about this? Also ive seen your sparring videos, and you are far from ineffective.

[The BB of C]

I suggest challenging him to a spar.

Size matters not.

Don't let his size get the best of you. You can still do it. Just keep your guard on your face when he's attacking, pay no attention to blows you might take to the chest, work his belly with your fists and make his legs red and sore with low kicks. Keep coming if you can and don't stop attacking unless you have to.

That's how I suggest sparring him.

Until that happens, drive out your fear of him and make it clear as day that you are not afraid of him. Even mess with his head if you can.

[learning kempo-karate]

Hello, This person is really NOT a good person here. Best thing is to talk to your Sensi or teacher about this and him (privately). BE very honest here about everything.

Try to avoid him and NOT let things he say about you effect your feelings (Yes this is a hard thing to do).

This guy thinks he need to prove himself tough, by picking on the less aggresive ones. He has NOT GROWN UP YET! Very immature....doesn't care about anyone accept himself.

If your Teacher cannot solve this problem..you may have too leave and find somewhere else to train. (No one wants this...but sometimes it maybe the best answer..sometimes it may turn into a blessing (better things may happen for you).

This guy will not change....he is insecure and this is his way...to behave.

I really feel sorry for all the students who have to deal with this guy.

Let your teacher know: One bad apple can spoil the rest (others leaving too).

We had this experience may years ago...a new black belt had move to our location and they train with hard hitting, after the second time training with us the other black belt didn't like getting hit so hard, so he give some of the same medicne back (ended in a fight)...Sensi punish both with push-ups and (lecture after class). The new black belt was never seen again.

Trust your instincts on what you feel is the best for you and the other students in class.

This for sure..he likes to hit hard and intimidate others, BUT if you hit him just as hard...he will get mad and want to fight! ...people like that are really cowards inside. ..................Aloha

[ramymensa]

I think you need to speak with the main instructor too. I don't think it's a normal thing and he should address this ASAP. Otherwise, I'd think about moving out. We do have a lot of people in the dojo, some cocky students, but they were privately approached by sensei and had some sense put into their heads. Or they were just invited to seek happiness elsewhere.

[bushido_man96]

I would speak to the head instructor about this situation. This is going to cause trouble for more and more people in the dojo, if it is allowed to continue.

[lordtariel]

I agree with most of what's being said here. It's important to talk to the sensei about this, he may be unaware of what's happening. If he is aware and is ok with it, you should probably be in another dojo. There's no place for that.

[tke010]

You should definitely talk with your Sensai\Sifu about this.

You should even print out this forum and show it to him.

Your Sensai\Sifu should be able to put a stop to it.

If not, ask for private lessons or even change dojos. You should not feel threatened while training....

[AikiGuy]

Doesn't sound very nice of him at all. In fact, from what you have said so far, it sounds unethical. That's the kind of thing that gets people kicked out of schools. As everyone else said, you want to mention it to the head instructor. If you are worried about sounding like a whiner, then just ask it like a casual question. You heard some rumors and wonder what was meant by the comments and why? Just don't go in yelling and demanding answers or you will sound like the mean one. Another option is to enlist the help of your friends. Get the others who told you about these comments to find out from the black belt. Tell them to just ask and not defend you at that time. Or else, they will never get any answers. One way or another, this should definitely be fixed. Trying to settle this in a sparring match, as someone suggested, is a really bad idea (unless you are a black belt too and are willing to "fight" it out). Good luck.

[ShotokanKid]

First of all, let me thank everyone for your advice.

He hasn't been at class lately but when he does, I'll be checking around and listening to what he says. I will be speaking with one of the instructors about this soon.

And to AikiGuy, I am a black belt but I'm not willing to fight it out. Bad idea. (I know it's not about size, but it's a major factor.)