Conflict Deescalation

[baronbvp]

One of the areas that many of us feel is not trained enough (or at all) by martial artists is conflict deescalation. We all train to fight in various ways, but rarely should a situation devolve to violence as the preferred solution. In today's world, many members of the population seem more readily willing to engage in aggressive rhetoric and violence to solve problems. It has become more difficult for those who don't wish to participate in violence to walk away. Sometimes, others decide for you that walking away isn't one of your options. Unfortunately, it is even viewed as disrespectful.

There are many ways to deescalate situations. This thread explores ideas about how to do that: ways you've seen that worked and didn't, and ideas you may have about how martial artists can lower the temperature and pressure of an encounter without ever needing to use those finely-honed skills.

I have personally found that there are a couple of key points:

1. Being aware of the predominance of alcohol and drugs to fuel such situations.

2. Allowing an antagonist to "win" by saving face, increasing situational power, having an ego soothed, etc.

3. Showing an antagonist in a meaningful way why it is in their best interest to avoid violence.

4. Understanding group dynamics and mob theory.

5. Knowing who can assist you such as police, bar security, friends, a crowd, etc.

6. How to call for help when a situation is growing out of control.

7. How to prevent such things from occurring in the first place or again if they have just occurred.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

[bushido_man96]

This is a great topic, Baron. Being able to difuse a situation is very helpful for both parties, whether or not the antagonistic party is willing to admit it. I think the toughest part of the whole thing is putting aside the ego. It is so difficult for so many to do.

I have been able to talk down a party that was trying to get into a fight once, and did ok. However, I was wondering if you could elaborate a little bit more on some of the points that you made?

[baronbvp]

There are really three areas:

Conflict Avoidance - before anything starts

Conflcit Deescalation - one something has started but not blown up

Conflcit Resolution - the blowup itself and the aftermath

I order to keep this thread separate from cathal's Conflict Avoidance, I'll try to focus on the deescalating piece.

Bar owners and police are interested in similar things. Bar owners want to run good businesses that attract return customers. Police want situations handled at the lowest level, and to be able not to arrest people or worse.

In the military, I have found that we all are on the same team. Shore patrol wants to take care of our own and get the young kids (who almost always are involved) back to the ship, base, sovereign territory, wherever. The bar owners want trouble to stop right away. The police would rather turn our guys over to us so we deal with them using our own justice system.

How does this apply to you? Alcohol causes or exacerbates almost every situation. More extreme drugs crop up in certain kinds of places. If you are in a situation where you or a group of your friends can influence the outcome without making ego a factor, you would find support from bar security and police. Bouncers would rather a guy's friends get him out of the bar than have to it themselves. If a conflict gets out of hand, they have to hold a certain line and will get involved - firmly.

I am not a bouncer nor a tough guy. I don't know these situations like they do. But I have spent quite a bit of time in bars around the world, and the rules are pretty much the same in Australia, Singapore, Dubai, or San Diego. Resolving conflicts means not confronting someone or calling them out, keeping ego out of it, and giving someone a way to win and leave the scene for their own good without hurting anyone. Agreeing with their point in an argument but keeping the disagreement from becoming physical is one way. Buying them a beer and just listening to them, calmly, is another. Getting them a free cab ride home is a third. Asking for their help to control the situation they are causing (getting creative here) can work. Getting their sober friends on your team is always good.

[bushido_man96]

That is all good information, Baron. I can definitely see where this can come in handy. Thanks for sharing.

[glockmeister]

You have made excellent points Baron, fortunately that is one thing in corrections that They have trained us in was de esculation I do find you get better at it with experience though.

[baronbvp]

True, and I'm certainly no expert. I'd like to hear from someone who is, if anyone like that out there would like to share.

[cross]

Excillent topic and great information so far. A couple of things i would like to add:

2. Allowing an antagonist to "win" by saving face, increasing situational power, having an ego soothed, etc.

I think the toughest part of the whole thing is putting aside the ego. It is so difficult for so many to do.

The above, IMO is one of the most important aspects of effective deescalation. Being able to act passive and display to the aggressor that you are no challenge for them or have no intention of fighting is crucial. You almost begin to act the "victim" but in a proactive way that allows you to remove yourself from the situation.

I realise some will say "but isnt it better to show that you are not a victim?".... In part this is true, but if the situation has reached a point where you need to verbally deescalate, then you have already been seen has a potential victim by the aggressor, so learn to use this to your advantage. The time to show that your not a victim is before a situation arises.

Some excillent information on this topic can be found at:

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/deescalation.htm

[lordtariel]

That's a really interesting website. The more I read, the deeper and deeper it drills down into different subjects. I'm going to read through it more thoroughly when I get home. Thanks.

[baronbvp]

Cross, that's a very professional website with a well thought out, sophisticated approach. Good stuff - thanks!

[cross]

Cross, that's a very professional website with a well thought out, sophisticated approach. Good stuff - thanks!

Agreed. I started reading that site around the time i started looking for more practical training methods and an effective approach to self protection. Lots of great information.