Help with Student

[hma]

Hi everyone. I need some advice. I have an adult student who is giving me problems and I can't seem to get the student's attention. The student came to me and said that she has a problem with her overall attitude toward things and not being able to keep her mouth shut, which is one of the reasons why she wanted to get into martial arts to start with. She asked me to help her with this problem. I have tried giving her push-ups in class, making her stay after class to do more push-ups, I have tried talking to her, putting her in the back of the line during class, making her sit out of class, making her clean the dojo, and nothing seems to work. She recently came to me and expressed that her attitude does not seem to be getting any better. We have been working on this for a couple of months now. I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions?

[lordtariel]

It takes far, far longer to break adults of bad habits than it does children. A few months isn't necessarily long enough to effect change. When she's not paying attention, ask her to repeat what you said or demonstrate in front of the class. A little personal embarrassment(within reason and not mean) might be more effective.

[username8517]

Just out of curiousity, what kind of problems is she generating? You mentioned she's a bit of a talker, but are there other problems? For example, is she apathetic? Rebellious? None or all of the above? Does she appear to have the most problems in between drills or throughout the whole class?

As lordtariel mentioned, it will take a while for an adult to break a habit. But at least she recognizes it was a problem a head of time and informed you about it.

[aigaios]

^ You should also mention to her that _she_ has to be willing to put in the effort to try and change...

[hma]

It's not that she's a "talker" per se. It's more of a smart comment toward things. She pays attention, does all of the drills and patterns extremely well, and doesn't embarass easily (tried that too). I would say a little rebellious in the fact that she doesn't like to be told what to do. She is over coming that slowly. She is trying to put forth the effort to change her attitude, and some nights she does excellent and some nights she doesn't (mostly after a bad day at work). I know she CAN do the right thing because I've seen her demonstrate it, but some nights, I just can't tolerate the attitude. She is hard headed and once she decides she doesn't want to do something, she flat out isn't going to do it. If I say "put your sparring gear on" and she isn't "in the mood" to spar, she will say "I don't want to spar tonight." I tell her again to put her gear on, and usually end up making her do push-ups. She'll do 50 push-ups for not following directions/being disrespectful, and finally put sparring gear on. Once she is called up to spar, she refuses to spar. She just steps back everytime someone tries to attack. It is these things that I am trying to correct...overall attitude, smart mouth, and hard headedness. She does realize that it happens and that it is disrespectful toward me, but she seems to speak, then think. She is the one who approached me about the problem, and I've tried everything I can think of to help her work through it, and nothing seems to work. I'm out of ideas.

[KamasandSais]

It kinda sounds like the old me. Im guessing as she advances she will gain more self control and respect. It worked for me, so I'm pretty sure it will work for her.

[bushido_man96]

Ok, think about how many hours a week you spend trying to to shape her, compared to how many hours a week she spends doing whatever she wants. You have a yeowman's task ahead of you, and it is going to take some time.

One thing you may do to make it hit home is instead of telling her to do push-ups, tell her to leave for the night. Maybe that will make things hit home.

Welcome to KF, by the way!

[hma]

One thing you may do to make it hit home is instead of telling her to do push-ups, tell her to leave for the night. Maybe that will make things hit home.

Welcome to KF, by the way!

I have done that also. Nothing seems to bother her, but I want her to be able to change because I know she wants to be able to. Most of the time, it's minor stuff like I'll tell her to do something and she'll say, "Yes sir, but...." I'm trying to get her to stop throwing that "but" in. She always has to have the last word.

Push-ups help some, making her sit out of class or leave completely doesn't help, making her wait to test doesn't help, trying to single her out and embarass her doesn't help. Seeing how she is the one who approached me, I'm am determined she's gonna get it! I've also raised the number of push-ups in the past couple of weeks. This has helped a little, until her body conditions to do those numbers.

[hma]

Welcome to KF, by the way!

BTW, thanks for the welcome.

[lordtariel]

Another tactic is to make the whole class to push ups or drills. That way, you have the entire dojo working with her rather than just you. This technique could backfire though if you do it all the time because your other students will start trying to avoid classes that she's in, but it is useful on occasion.

You're saying she's making slow progress though, and as long as there's progress there's hope. You just have to keep with it. If she were a kid I'd say she's trying to wait you out and see if you get tired of always correcting her.