Dating "in-school"

[marie curie]

I attend classes at a University, so maybe I just see things differently because we have a very specific group of people. They do everything together. A group that have classes together also does habitat for humanity together and martial arts and eats breakfast every day before class, etc. Obviously romances are going to grow and decline in this situation. Also, I think that with collage kids, we don't mind if a couple break up and one leaves because that is something that happens in all organizations around campus. It's just the collage club dynamic. A lot join- a lot leave for one reason or another.

[YoungMan]

Unfortunately yes. A college martial arts class tends to attract a different type of student than, say, a private class or YMCA class. Through personal experience, they just don't take it seriously and consider it more of a social occasion. However, I still think the Instructor needs to set ground rules for acceptable social behavior.

It is one thing if relationships happen. It is quite another if the Instructor outright condones them. Maybe "don't ask, don't tell" might work.

[bushido_man96]

Just as long as it doesn't become a class distraction. When my instructor found out that my future wife and I were dating, he would't pair us up anymore. I felt we were pretty professional about it, and he didn't really know until he saw us out bowling together...we had been seeing each other for 2 weeks by that time.

[bushido_man96]

A couple coming in together is different. Their relationship has already been established. Not that different than couples who take up running or another sport together. The problem I have is when students date people they meet in class. You are not there to date other students. The martial arts atmospere is very different than any other physical activity, requiring a focus that other sports simply don't require.

I just don't know if I could enforce this idea. People are going to be attracted to those who they share interests with, and the martial arts are no different. Now, I do feel that the instructor does have the professional obligation moreso than the students do. If two students are going to date, what can you do? Would you want to dismiss them from their training?

[Hwa Rang Warrior]

I have dated people from the school on 3 occasions and not one of them ended up well. They never became distrations but the first one eventually quit, the second one tried taking her aggressions out on me and then when she realized that wasn't smart she quit and the 3rd one and I don't really talk anymore and since she's in college she no longer trains at that school either. I hate to see a person quite especially because its partly because of me. I can't say that they never work because the owners of the school I belong to are husband and wife and they're fine. So I really think it depends on the people involved and the maturity levels.

[marie curie]

good post bushido man!

Unfortunately yes. A college martial arts class tends to attract a different type of student than, say, a private class or YMCA class. Through personal experience, they just don't take it seriously and consider it more of a social occasion. However, I still think the Instructor needs to set ground rules for acceptable social behavior.

It is one thing if relationships happen. It is quite another if the Instructor outright condones them. Maybe "don't ask, don't tell" might work.

One big problem with this is that we all try to spend time together outside of the gym. It's important to trust the people who are throwing punches at your head while you are learning a new way of defending. Anyway, we become some level of friends with most of our students- not quite "invite over for dinner" friends, but the "hey, lets go out for food after practice" or "meet up to watch this month's UFC" type of friends.

I think a lot of it depends on your behavior. When my fiance and I are in uniform, there is not hugging or serious flirting or anything. Our good friends (with whom we train in Judo) met in Judo, started dating, courted, were engaged and are married. They also followed this pattern. Everyone knew they were dating, but during training they were busy learning and practicing.

[bushido_man96]

I think that the most important point to keep in mind is to not treat the dojo as a "dating pool." Meeting someone at the school and falling in love is one thing....using it to stage your own episode of "The Bachelor/Bachelorette" should not be what one thinks about when joining/attending a Martial Arts school.

[The BB of C]

Just a tip for the guys, don't date too many of the girls from your karate school. Pretty soon you have a whole school full of ex's. Not always a good situation haha. Speaking from experience

NOTE TO SELF:

Stop thinking about asking Tonya out

[YoungMan]

This is where the Instructor's job of monitoring how students interact with each other in class comes into play. If he sees two students who obviously don't get along, it's time for a sit down before someone gets hurt. Likewise, if he sees two students who are apparently a little too comfortable with each other, it's time to sit them down and find out if there is a relationship going on. I don't think you can break people up or force one to quit (although my GM did try that years ago). However, let them know where you stand on the issue, possible social and class consequences, and let them make their own decision. If it really becomes an issue, approprate steps should be taken.

Students who do use the class as a dating pool should be dealt with.

[marie curie]

This is where the Instructor's job of monitoring how students interact with each other in class comes into play. If he sees two students who obviously don't get along, it's time for a sit down before someone gets hurt. Likewise, if he sees two students who are apparently a little too comfortable with each other, it's time to sit them down and find out if there is a relationship going on. I don't think you can break people up or force one to quit (although my GM did try that years ago). However, let them know where you stand on the issue, possible social and class consequences, and let them make their own decision. If it really becomes an issue, approprate steps should be taken.

Students who do use the class as a dating pool should be dealt with.

Great point and great post, YoungMan!