Dating "in-school"

[jeffrogers]

Thank you Don't mean to offend any one.

[MichiganTKD]

I follow this somple rule about letting students date:

 

1. Black belt to Black belt is possible, but see me first.

 

2. Black belt to color belt OR color belt to color belt see me first so I can tell both of you NO!

[aefibird]

Here's a quick, true story about why in-dojo dating isn't always a good idea...

 

Girl A trains at a small club. One day Boy A joins same club, becomes friendly with Girl A, they start dating. Boy B (the club sensei) finds out and gives a small piece of advice to Girl A - that Boy B is actually MARRIED! Girl A doesn't let Boy A know that she knows his secret but waits until the next freestyle sparring session in the dojo. She partners up with him, 'accidently' kicks him in the groin, sweeps him to the floor and then proceeds to kick the living daylights out of him before phoning his wife to tell her what a lying * her husband is.

 

That didn't happen to me (before anyone asks!), but its a good story to show why dojo dating isn't always a great idea - if it goes wrong you could end up with seriously kicked butt!!

[MichiganTKD]

OUCH!

 

Serves him right, though Just goes to show-never cross a woman who can kick your butt like that.

[Budderfly]

I met my boyfriend at my school. He joined 5 months before me. We get along great and our relationship just works so well. We've been together for 1 1/2 years and we've never had an argument. We have a lot of respect for each other and the school. Meaning, when we are at Tong Moo Do, we are students, not bf/gf. It is hard though to spar with him. I noticed I go more full out on other people but when I'm with him, my guard goes down a bit. I tried to picture him as someone trying to hurt me, but psychologically I know he won't so that doesn't work.

 

Put it this way - what if he were to REALLY attack you? Have you done the mental preparation to defend yourself against a loved one? Early in my martial arts life, my Sensei advised us all that the odds are greater to be attacked by someone you KNOW, and she'd found that there is often soul searching and a conscious decision involved before people know for sure they would defend themselves in such a situation. As for class, he's an opponent like any other, and I actually got MORE competitive when I used to spar and grapple my ex-husband, rather than less

 

We just did a steet self defense demo and he was my partner. He had to mug me for my purse and he was yelling "Gimme your purse... where's the rest of it?". He acted out the part well and it even freaked me out a little cause he has never yelled at me this way before, even it it was a demo.

 

I know though if a loved one were to attack me, I'd defend myself and restrain them (I have once in the past with one of my ex's). I don't really want to seriously hurt a person. I'm satisfied with a good hold until help arrives, but if need be I won't hold back. My body is too damn important to me. I made a decision a long tme ago that if I was attacked, they could have my material possesions (if that's what they were after), but they could never "have" me.

[MichiganTKD]

The rule I follow is this: My job is to maintain professionalism in the class and keep everything above board. I cannot and will not allow myself or any student to turn the class into their own personal dating pool. I have seen Instructors do that, and I have nothing but contempt for them. What that means is that sometimes we have to put aside whatever personal feelings we have for somebody, whether prejudice or wanting to date them, and get on with training. Self discipline, remember. Otherwise Tae Kwon Do or karate or aikido becomes a social club. If you want a social club join your local Y-Center. Sounds narrow-minded, but the only way to preserve the dignity that traditional martial arts deserve is to follow this path.

 

Yes, I know feelings happen. But you have to take into account what is good for the school and your fellow students. Using class as your dating pool is just plain selfish and low class.

[fireka]

Okay, to be honest, I read like the firstfour post then decided to butt in, so I really don't know we're the conversation is going at this point, and for that i'm gonna go to hell when I die but...

 

The problem is it's getting we're we can date ANYONE ANYWHERE any more. We can't date people we work with, I hear dating at your high school/collage is a bad idea, the "bar scene" is getting a bad rap, and now the dojo is elliminated. People this is we're we spend most of our lives, these places. Even in a place were it ISNT tabu to meet someone, askign a girl if she wants to get a drink can be translated as sexual harrasement. It's just getting silly.

 

My personal experince isnt all that brood. I liked a girl in my dojo ones, got her number, and decided we had nothing in common, in fact her dad was making her train because he was a sandan. So I can see why it causes trouble but people, come on, I mean lets not deny it anymore the mate hunt is something we GOTTA do!

[fireka]

Okay i justread a couple of the more recent post. I'm sorry Michighan, thats silly, your there sensai not ther emom, you can't tell people they can't date. In fact no one can really tell anyone that, we forget what kind of powers wetoy with here.

[MichiganTKD]

I can tell students not to date in my class, and I will. My class my rules. If someone wants to date a fellow student, let them join a karate class where those things happen

 

There's an old saying: Don't crap where you eat, or words to that effect.

 

I will not lower my standards to accomodate students who want to have a romantic relationship.

 

Being an Instructor is a BIG responsibility, more so than many of you are willing to admit. I am responsible for the well being of the entire class, and I will not let personal politics interfere with the main agenda-to train.

 

Besides, I already said after BB it was possible.

 

Just call me Mr. Hardass

[Tal]

I met my girlfriend at my kendo club. Once we're in the dojo, we treat eachother just as any other training partner. If two students can do this, then it should be ok. If however, the fact they are dating is detrimental to their or other's training, then one or both of them should leave that club.

 

Yes, dating 'in school' can cause problems, but in the end its up to the individuals IMO. The sensei can say no dating in his dojo, but he can't enforce that. He doesn't have to know about it. Personally I don' think a sensei should interfere with people's personal matters, but I guess the sensei can do what he wants with his own dojo.

 

If people are mature enough, then it shouldn't cause any major problems. The problems come from people being stupid and immature, not from the fact that they are dating or were dating.