Advice please

[Cercatrice]

Hi, everyone. I've been part of a karate club for a few months now, attending 1-2 times a week. It's a small college club with more members attending now that school started again a couple weeks ago, but still only 5-7 people.

I chose the club because I wanted to study this style of karate, but I'm having problems with motivation, partly because I feel ignored by the instructor. I don't need a lot of encouragement, but my instructor doesn't offer any "good job"s or similar words. I thought this might just be his personality, but lately -- with more people attending -- I've noticed that he's much friendlier with other members, chit-chats with them, offers them encouragement. There's also one member who he seems to especially favor and always pairs up with himself when we work with a partner.

Lastly, I told my instructor about a limitation I was having because of an injury (unrelated to karate), which he then forgot about the following class when he asked us all to do exactly what I couldn't do.

Is this a problem with my attitude? Do I need to work on humility, knowing my place as a beginning student? Or should I go somewhere where I won't feel ignored? I anticipate being told to talk to the instructor, but I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable with him right now. Could anyone tell me if this is normal in the martial arts when you're just starting?

Thanks.

[Rathe]

Being an instructor I can honestly say sometimes even with as few as 7 students sometimes its difficult to give each one encouragement. That being said, it is also the instructors job to make every one of their students feel comfortable. He SHOULD be mature enough to approach about this and talk to him. If he's not, you are training in the wrong school. I always tell my students to be open with me if there is a problem.

I truly don't know the whole situation so advice is only semi-useful but an instructor should also have some awareness of his students and issues with their training. If not, remember there are a lot of students and sometimes instructors need a reminder.

Best of luck,

[cathal]

No doubt he's more familiar with the other members so he's friendlier. Some folks just take a little longer to get to know you as well. In that area just be patient. If you consistently train with him enough then the sensei will make an effort to get to know you a little better. Moreover he may be partnering with others because he knows they need his direct attention...right now you may not need that.

On the topic of being asked to do something you can't, it's perfectly acceptable to pause and wait for the others to complete the task. Since you have already discussed it with the sensei then you don't have to worry about him scolding you for not participating...it can also function as a nice reminder too.

[Cercatrice]

Thanks for the replies, cathal and Rathe. I probably haven't looked at the situation through my instructor's eyes, or at least as much as I should have. I would really like to believe that there's a perfectly rational explanation, that my instructor doesn't just dislike me for whatever reason.

But... at the same time, my gut tells me that something's odd. He's friendlier with the few new members who have joined, not just with the returning ones. There's one guy -- an old member -- who he really tends to lose his patience with, though. He doesn't seem to get irritated with me, just doesn't really talk to me, although he talks to the others (for instance, when we'll getting our gear together at the end of class).

He seems to be personally training the member he always partners with. They discuss times to meet to train but others aren't invited. (To be fair, I haven't asked if I could attend, too). But, rather than being remedial, this guy recently tested and skipped a few belts. He cross-trains in tae kwon do and seems to be really good at martial arts in general.

Anyway, maybe nothing is fishy. I don't really know what to expect since I'm new to all this. I don't particularly care if my instructor "likes" me so long as it's not distracting and I can train and learn.

[MisterRadley]

But... at the same time, my gut tells me that something's odd. He's friendlier with the few new members who have joined, not just with the returning ones. There's one guy -- an old member -- who he really tends to lose his patience with, though. He doesn't seem to get irritated with me, just doesn't really talk to me, although he talks to the others (for instance, when we'll getting our gear together at the end of class).

He seems to be personally training the member he always partners with. They discuss times to meet to train but others aren't invited. (To be fair, I haven't asked if I could attend, too). But, rather than being remedial, this guy recently tested and skipped a few belts. He cross-trains in tae kwon do and seems to be really good at martial arts in general.

Hmmm... that sounds a bit odd. I don't know if I would stay in that class, it sounds like your instructor is picking favorites.

[bushido_man96]

I would say to stick it out for a while longer, and see how things go. If you have an injury, and he asks for you to do something you can't, remind him. It isn't worth getting injured further.

If after a few months things don't change, and you still feel like you do, then you may look at moving on. But if you really want to stick with that style, then you can learn a valuable lesson of perserverance here.

Good luck with the training! I hope it works out for you.

And welcome to the forums!

[Rathe]

Most of all it comes down to what you are comfortable with. I agree with bushido_man96 that it will really teach you perserverance if you stick with it through a tough situation. But, also it comes down to if you're happy. If you're miserable then the purpose of the art will be lost.

Just an idea if you want to gauge professionalism or his attitude to make up your mind. Meet with your instructor after class and ask him to go over something with you specifically one day. If he says no, don't flat out hate him, (his stove could be on) but just try to gauge his attitude towards you if you are concerned. It also may break the ice between the two of you. Maybe that's all you need.

Again, good luck!

[jaymac]

I sort of agree with Rathe here. Instead of waiting for him to come to you and talk, go to him. Show him that you are interested in what you are doing. I don't know what style you are studying but ask him to assist you with kata or with a self defense situation. In our school, our instructor usually never pairs up with new students. He only pairs up with individuals who feel comfortable with him already. He usually picks the highest rank in the group to be his partner. Some instructors are weary about putting there hands on others until he/she is sure that the student is comfortable with close contact situations, and comfortable with takedowns. I enjoy my instructor, but he is not my friend. He is my mentor. If he doesn't talk to me on any given day, thats ok. I am still learning from him even if he doesn't have time to stop and chit chat.

[P.A.L]

I have trained with 7-8 instrucors till now, i never heard of any thing like "very good" "perfect" it's mostly goes like "Ok" "not bad" "something like that" , you pay him and he teaches you , that's all. you can ask question and he should answer as long as you are not wasting the class time. they normally show the technique with somebody who knows some of the basics otherwise you will hear this " i said middle punch ,this is high punch, ok right punch, NO the other right ". in many dojos , you pair up, then after the fist technique you move one step and will become partner with the next person, sensei stays and become partner with another student. this way you practice with many people. these are just some small details you see in old traditional dojos which makes the life easier, don't be upset, train harder.

[Cercatrice]

Thanks again for everyone's replies. Just wanted to give a quick update that I've stuck with the dojo and sensei and hope/plan to continue to stick with it. It's a good lesson to learn, I think, although it might not be easy.