Girlfriend says Karate is taking over my life!

[disarm]

Hi all.

I started Shotokan Karate about six months ago, and after the first few rough months (I could have given up on a number of occaions but PERSEVERANCE) I now love every minute! I now train 2 hours, three times a week.

I soon discovered that you can't practice Karate with a poor diet, it just doesn't work. So I've had to improve my diet and cut down on alcohol consumption, etc. For which I feel better for, regardless of training.

Not only that, I feel better in myself. More confident and healthy.

Now my long term girlfriend says that Karate is taking over my life! She says that I will be happy to train every day (of course I would, well at least 5 days a week). I just can't sit in the pub with her drinking (on a regular basis at least) as It's just a waste and detrimental to my fitness.

She can't see the benefits and thinks that I'm turning into a boring fitness freak. I mentioned it to someone at training this afternoon and he said it would only get worse, and she'd end up a Karate Widow!

Hell, the club is only open (for Shotokan) 3 times a week. A couple of hours at a time. It's hardly taking up my whole life is it?

So what do you reckon? I recognise that you have to keep work and play balanced. It's not like I'm always training and never see her.

Anyone else had resistance from partner, etc?

Sorry if it sounds like too much of a rant...

[patusai]

Sometimes we may only practice 3 days a week at the school but practice more at home which cuts into other things that we had going on. Sometime too all we talk about it the "joys of karate" and our conversations with out friends (girl friends and others) seems to not only center around karate but are totally all about karate.

Karate has help you in many ways from what you said. I would say first of all make sure that you balance karate with the rest of your life. I knew guys who slept, ate, drank, etc karate to the point of obsession and lost wives, girlfriends and jobs because of it. Balance. Time for everthing that is important to you. Just my suggestion. Good luck.

[DragonMike]

I would agree with the earlier post. The important thing in life is balence. A true martial artist keeps things in balence and does not shirk his other responsibilities.

That said, 2 hours three times a week dioes not seem to be excessive. Could your gf be jealous that you are improving yourself and she is not? Or that if you become a better person, you won't want her anymore?

[lordtariel]

What's really important is communication. You two need to sit down and talk seriously about this. She's important to you, Karate's important to you. You're not going to be yourself if you just give up your passions, but at the same time you have to set your priorities. Ask her what she wants out of this relationship. The two of you have to decide what's a good compromise. Could you go to the pub and not drink? She may have legitimate reasons for not wanting you to go. Then again, she may not. I went through this with my girlfriend when I started Karate as well. We came up with a compromise that allowed me to continue on a reasonable set schedule for training, but gave us enough time together. Would I go to every class I five days a week if I could? You bet, I'd go seven if it was available, but she's also important in my life, so I make a compromise. I go three days a week and can go to any additional events or classes that allow me to be home within 30 minutes of when she gets home on any of the off days.

[marie curie]

My boyfriend and I do MA together, but if we didn't it would probably become a problem. We have 8 formal hrs of class a week, plus about 3 hrs travel/changing time (about 25 mins each way), plus at home practicing = a whole lot of hours. Also, he gets more into the talking about it constantly than me, and as I've been injured recently, it got abnoxious hearing so much about part of his life that I wasn't taking part in. I agree with the previous post, its important to sit down and ask, "what, specifically, do you need from me that I'm not giving you" "what can we do together that doesen't impact my body in a negative way"? It should help.

[pineapple]

Get your girlfriend to train with you.

[ShotokanKid]

Karate is taking over my life

Welcome to the club, LOL.

Seriously, I suggest you sit down and talk to her. Discuss the benefits, how much you enjoy it, etc.

Good Luck!

[Brandon Fisher]

Get your girlfriend to train with you.

I agree with this completely. After 22 years in the martial arts I have seen it benefit so many people I lost count a long time ago.

Those girlfriends wives, or significant others that are not involved do not understand the love people devolop for martial arts training. I don't know of any style that you can't be in good shape to do but it seems Shotokan and the other japanese hard styles are very demanding of you physically. So don't go back to the hard partying otherwise your training will be over before you begin.

Talk with her and explain your love for it, how much better you feel and everything that stands out to you about it. Hopefully if she truly loves and cares about you she will be more accepting and maybe join. My wife got involved right after we got married and now is a month and a half away from her shodan. She started simply because she didn't just want to sit and watch class. Now she has devoloped a great love for it and admits to the changes it has made in her life.

I wish you the best of luck with this one. It is a tough situation at best.

[disarm]

Cheers for the advice and support everyone, much appreciated.

She says that MA is not for her, but she did a bit of Judo when she was younger. I think she's probably forgotten the benefits.

I also think Jealousy has something to do with it. She spends her nights watching TV and reading * celebrity magazines. Doesn't really get much exercise. I reckon she can see how I've improved and have changed for the better.

I think its also down to a lack of understanding. Once when we had a big argument she claimed that people who practice MA only do so because they are interested in violence! I must be one of those people then!

Whenever I mention the subject she starts sighing and says that she isn't interested in MA so why talk about it? So communication isn't great

She's about to start a OU (open university) course which is going to take up some 20 hours a week in study time. Which I think is a good thing, doing something that you're interested in. So I've always supported her and not complained that it will eat up our time together. Hmm, double standards?

Sorry, it sounds like a rant again.

[marie curie]

she probably views school/work as differently than a hobby. just a thought.

maybe you could make a deal that she comes to 3 MA classes if you give her 3 nights of doing whatever she wants (including watching chick flicks or something you most certainly aren't interested in), just to give it a try?